I’m a newly registered female member. I’d like to ask about table manners when dining with a papa (a male supporter). When he orders beer, it sometimes comes in a bottle—are women expected to pour it for him? I have little work experience and have hardly ever poured drinks for someone senior to me, so I wasn’t sure what to do. Just like at company drinking parties, should I actively pour drinks for him during papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)?
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Also, when sharing dishes served on large platters, is it generally expected for the woman to serve the food onto the papa’s plate?
I’m Tetsu, a male member.
It’s wonderful that, despite your young age, you’re considerate enough to wonder about things like that.
Everyone’s different, but if you’re unsure, I think it’s safest to offer to pour his drink.
A man is unlikely to be offended if you pour for him, but some may feel slighted if you don’t. That said, a small number of people don’t like others pouring for them. They’ll usually say something like, “I’ll pour my own, so don’t worry about it.” If he says that, you don’t need to pour for him.
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Universe Tokyo, Mamiya here.
It’s wonderful that you’re so observant.
When the staff at the club are serving the food, take note of how they divide it up.
I think most men probably don’t mind either way.
If you notice every single time, though, the man may feel obligated to be considerate in return. It’s also important to occasionally get so caught up in the conversation that you forget.
You’ll gradually pick up the proper way to do things and the etiquette.
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Maezawa from the CEO’s office here—I’ll answer too.
> I still don’t have much work experience,
Try telling the man that directly, and I think he’ll let you know what he wants you to do.
The fact that you don’t have much work experience yet is actually an opportunity. Men will probably be happy to show you while they can.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
I’m not the type to expect women to show that kind of conventional consideration, so my answer may not be much help.
That said, based on what I’ve seen from female members on their first dates with me, I think it’s probably safest to offer to pour drinks and serve food.
If the man you’re meeting is like me and doesn’t want you to do those things, he’ll probably say, “No, no, it’s fine—I’ll do it myself.” If he says that, you can stop pouring drinks or serving food.
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