There was a question about how to avoid kissing, and I feel like more people than I expected answered that it left them feeling conflicted.
In my case, I can enjoy kissing, but only with my boyfriend. With an older man I’m meeting for the first time, it just feels gross.
I suppose it may also be because I’m doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) for the money.
For men, does kissing lead directly to heightened sexual desire even when they’ve just met someone for the first time?
Mamiyama from Universe Tokyo here.
The idea that kissing is more sacred than sex
is very interesting.
“I can have sex, but I don’t want to kiss someone unless I really like them!”
You might think, “What’s that about?”—but I totally get it.
Maybe it’s simply that the compatibility of the lower mouth and the upper mouth doesn’t match.
Though I feel like many men aren’t that particular about kissing...
But this is a dating club.
Maybe older men who want romance want to confirm their feelings through kissing...
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Maezawa from Shachōshitsu will answer as well.
> Why do men want to kiss so badly?
I think it’s because, even though money is involved, they want to feel like a couple while they’re together.
If you’re okay with kissing your boyfriend, then I think you can understand it by viewing it as simply how men tend to feel.
> For men, does kissing someone—even on the first meeting—directly lead to heightened sexual desire?
That may be true for some people, but basically, I think it’s more about an emotional connection.
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I’m Flagmaker, a column writer.
For me, kissing is very much directly connected to heightened sexual desire. Sorry... but is that really such a bad thing in itself!? lol
It really is a tough world... I still have a lot to learn!
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I’m Kazu, a male member who has absolutely no desire to kiss.
I’m not particularly interested in sucking on nipples, either.
If I have a fetish for any part of the body, it would be abs. If I had the chance to get into bed with a woman with defined abs, I might kiss them.
If our faces are close on the bed, I’ll reflexively give her a closed-mouth kiss because I feel like I’m supposed to. As for deep kissing, I’ll respond if she brings her tongue out while we’re kissing.
After going down on her, I try not to react automatically, since some women may not like being kissed afterward.
P.S. Mac
Yes! That’s exactly what I mean!
I’ve never actually met someone like that, so I don’t know how I’d feel in person, but photos of women with defined abs do turn me on. My absolute favorite is when she still looks feminine rather than overly muscular, while also having well-defined abs.
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
Since this is papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), neither person needs to force themselves into a relationship, and there’s no reason to date someone you don’t feel comfortable kissing.
It’s all about compatibility, so I think it’s best to date someone with whom kissing feels natural.
That said, even when it comes to kissing, I’d be put off if a woman suddenly planted a big kiss on me, or went straight into deep or overly intense kissing. For both people to enjoy the moment, the kiss has to happen naturally.
In short, starting with how comfortable you feel together, what matters is having an easy, natural compatibility where neither person feels pressured to do anything—including kissing.
Ultimately, I want to date someone I feel I’d want to kiss even when we first meet. (Men have it easier since they already like the woman by the time they make an offer, but it must be difficult for women… If you feel you don’t even want to kiss him—or, since kissing is just one example, if you don’t feel the relationship would progress naturally—please turn him down.)
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I’m Tetsu, a male member.
This may be embarrassing to admit, but kissing heightens my sexual desire. However, if the kiss is clearly unwanted, it doesn’t have that effect on me.
As for why I want to kiss so much, it’s because I think things are more enjoyable when you expand the range of what you do. Rather than just touching each other a little and going straight to the main event, I find it more enjoyable to build up the excitement by using our mouths, trying slightly unconventional things, and so on. I see kissing as part of that.
Of course, I wouldn’t suddenly expect everything from a woman the first time we become intimate, and I believe she should feel free to refuse anything she doesn’t like. We simply need to decide together whether we can continue seeing each other, including the things one of us may not be comfortable with.
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