Maezawa from the president’s office here as well.
> The thought of having a child who looks like this man is making me feel sick.
If that’s how you feel when you think about your child’s future, then it doesn’t seem like marriage to your current boyfriend is in the cards. In reality, I think the child would likely face difficulties because of their appearance.
> I want to have a child with one papa and live as a single mother. When I told him this recently, he was very happy and immediately started making various preparations.
If he agrees, I assume he’ll also help with child support and other expenses, so I think it’s fine to go ahead as planned.
> I need to stop what I’m doing with the other two in some way, but how should I tell them?
You could say that you’re currently seeing a younger man and might marry him.
(It’s actually a lie—the man is probably another papa, not a younger boyfriend.)
You could also say that you’re considering a shotgun wedding and planning to have a child with him, so you’ll be stopping your birth-control pills…
That seemed like a good approach to me, but Mac-san’s “side effects” strategy also sounds promising.
Either way, though, they may bring up the issue of finishing outside, so you’ll need to decide how to handle that.
The best option may be to stop seeing the other two papas for a while—using an excuse such as, “A coworker caught COVID, so I’m worried and want to avoid meeting for a while”—and then have a child as soon as possible with the papa who has agreed to it.
I’ve heard that as men get older, their sperm motility decreases, making pregnancy more difficult.
It costs money, but I think going straight to IVF could also be an option.
I was shocked to hear that Junichi Ishida, famous for saying “Adultery is a culture,” had a child through IVF:
https://news.livedoor.com/article/detail/13986047/
https://bungeishunju.com/n/n3c9d0c41af68
You might want to start with something like a sperm check. Of course, if you simply suggest that he get tested, it could hurt his pride. So perhaps start by saying something like, “Maybe there could be an issue on my side,” and suggest that you both get checked together.
I’m Rin, a female member.
Questioner, I may still be inexperienced in life, but I’m writing this sincerely. I’m answering anonymously, nervously and rather embarrassed. I apologize in advance for the length.
Please read this as merely my personal opinion, without any intention of criticizing you. I’ll deliberately refrain from commenting on whether having a child with a papa is right or wrong.
＊You should break up with your boyfriend
As you already seem to know, if you can’t stand being intimate with him on a basic, instinctive level, then you have no future together. It isn’t right to keep him tied to you for even one more minute.
There is no such thing as a perfectly clean breakup. Even if you hurt him, ending things will ultimately be for his sake too.
＊Only continue with the papa who wants to have a child
You would continue your relationships with other papas as well, including unprotected sex.
This involves all kinds of issues, but please think about it. Continuing those relationships is ultimately what you want. Any emotional benefits they provide are insignificant compared with pregnancy, childbirth, and raising a child.
You should limit yourself to the person you genuinely want to have a child with.
If you can’t narrow it down to one person, I honestly think you should give up on the idea of having children for now.
This is not the time to simply indulge your own weakness.
＊Your relationship with the papa
If you truly love each other and are loved in return, and if the child grows up constantly feeling loved, I believe they can grow up happy and fulfilled.
Children are extremely perceptive, and they observe everything. The fact that their parents—whatever form that relationship takes—get along is conveyed to the child and gives them emotional stability.
These days, children can easily access all kinds of information through various forms of media. They may not say anything, but they often know shocking amounts.
My daughter seems happy when she says, “Dad can’t do without Mom, and Mom can’t do without Dad, right?”
On the other hand, one of my daughter’s friends called me in tears and said, “I found my lousy dad’s affair partner on Instagram. Mom doesn’t know, but I seriously wish he’d never come home.”
That’s how much children notice.
So even if it isn’t possible right now, I hope that someday you can maintain a good relationship and tell your child that they were deeply wanted and loved, and that you love them more than anyone.
A doctor once told me I might not be able to have children, but I became pregnant. Before giving birth, I experienced cardiopulmonary arrest twice, and afterward I developed a serious illness. When a fellow patient told me the five-year survival rate was only 25%, I felt completely hopeless.
Even so, I still feel that giving birth was the right decision. I would do anything to protect my children and my husband, and that hasn’t changed.
I also feel every day that I receive limitless love—not just from my children as their mother, but from them as well.
＊I hope you continue working
Actually becoming pregnant, giving birth, and raising a child as a single mother can be extremely difficult.
But I hope you’ll receive sufficient support from the papa and, if possible, get help from your own mother as well, so that you don’t end up raising the child under unbearable pressure.
Children are incredibly adorable, but there are so many things you simply don’t know, and there are times when you become so exhausted that all you can do is sigh.
At times like that, it doesn’t matter whether it’s a parent, a helper, or a housekeeper. You need someone with more life experience who can hold the baby for you and say, “You’re doing such a great job. What a sweet baby.”
You need someone to praise you and remind you that childcare isn’t something that should be taken for granted—you’re doing your absolute best.
Of course, it’s also important for the husband you love—the papa—to hug you tightly and say, “You worked hard today.”
(And in order to welcome your exhausted husband with a smile, having a third person to help is essential.)
When you’re completely absorbed in childcare, it’s common to feel isolated, as though society is leaving you behind.
I’ve worked continuously, except during my older child’s pregnancy—which required complete bed rest—and for a short period after giving birth, as well as around the birth of my younger child. Even so, I sometimes felt a kind of unexplained anxiety.
During that period, I would sometimes go to the supermarket for no reason, just so I could approach older women and have them say, “What a cute baby.”
Working while raising children was physically and mentally demanding, but I continued working in various ways, choosing what suited our circumstances and my children’s needs.
Having a place in life beyond simply being “so-and-so’s mom” was extremely important to me, and it was a comfortable place to be.
With the help of many people, I’ve continued trying to balance work and childcare. I still don’t know whether I truly succeeded, but my children went through daycare, kindergarten, elementary school, middle school, and are now in high school. They still tell me, “Mom, don’t quit your job. You hold our hands and hug us so much, but you also work hard. We’re proud of you, and it’s cool that your patients need you.”
My younger son even tells his grandmother—my mother, “Mom has too many work requests and never turns them down, so she’s busy and tired. But she never lets us see it.” He’s begun expressing surprisingly mature concern.
Children eventually become independent. When that time comes, I want to remain someone who can stand tall and encourage them as they move forward.
＊The papa—the children’s father
I hope you’ll continue to respect and love him.
I believe my husband is the greatest man in the world, especially when it comes to his work. He is actually approaching that level professionally.
I’m deeply grateful for the love he has shown me, and I love him too.
The children still travel with him and go on dates with him, and I feel that thanks to him, they’ve been able to attend school and cram school.
They also say they’re extremely proud of him.
I’ve always told them, “Your papa is amazing. You love Papa, don’t you?” But now my daughter is the one saying it.
Being able to respect your parents seems to give you tremendous strength when pursuing your own dreams and hopes.
Whatever the circumstances of your meeting or relationship, I hope you’ll continue to cherish him. At the same time, I hope the children will have only one papa.
This became extremely long.
I may not be in a position to sound so authoritative, but my life has been so eventful that I could probably write a book about it.
Even so, I sincerely hope to keep working every day to live happily with a smile, so that the people who become involved with me feel glad they met me.
Questioner, you seem prepared to face this seriously. Please face one papa properly and build better days together.
I’m sincerely rooting for you.
I’m a timid little paper airplane who can’t finish inside except on “safe” days.
A papa who always finishes inside, even outside the safe days, is a truly fearless strongman—like a valiant soldier. He seems overflowing with confidence and a willingness to take care of others.
From that alone, I can tell why you don’t want to let him go.
A friend of mine who’s a much older veteran has always finished inside. He has an intimidating presence and never seems to run out of confidence when approaching women. Besides his wife—the one who is the mother of his single-mother partner’s children—he also has children with other women. He has provided homes for them nearby for over 40 years, and those children are now in their forties. For decades, he has maintained close relationships with all of them, including his legal wife.
His wife passed away a few years ago, so he is now married to and living with that single mother.
Both papas seem exceptionally caring, which makes it difficult to know how to put things to them.
The fact that they don’t hesitate to finish inside may mean they’re the real old-school kind of man.
Honestly, the only answer I can think of is that you should marry someone else.
Even then, with a papa like that, it’s apparently quite possible that, even after marrying another woman, he might not know whether her child is actually his.
In fact, that older veteran I mentioned above dated a girl I introduced to him about 23 years ago. She later returned home to take over the family business, got married, and had a child—but perhaps… that child might be his.
