Feeling Burned Out on Papa-Katsu (Compensated Dating in Japan)
This content is machine-translated.
Have you ever had moments or periods when you suddenly found both dates and intimacy too much of a hassle and just stopped caring?
I’ve been seeing a girl for about three months, and we’re supposed to meet soon, but I’m going through one of those phases and honestly can’t be bothered.
It’s not that I’m tired of her—we click well, and I have no complaints about her. I just don’t feel like meeting anyone else or making any more offers either. I suppose the obvious answer is to take a break for a while, but what do you all do when you feel this way?
Personally, I never cancel plans once I’ve made them, so I do intend to meet her on the scheduled day. However, I’m not confident I’ll be able to enjoy the event we planned, so I’m thinking of just having tea, giving her the allowance, and heading home. Our dates usually last nearly eight hours, though, so if I end things after about 30 minutes this time, she’ll probably be wondering what’s going on. I plan to explain beforehand, but does anyone have any suggestions for how to phrase it? Honestly, even thinking about it feels like a hassle, which is why I’m asking here—sorry, but I’d appreciate any advice.
Mamiya from Universe Tokyo here.
It seems that many people are starting to feel a little disillusioned, and the COVID-19 pandemic has gradually changed their values.
From what I gather, you’re the kind of person who actively does things to make the other person happy.
If possible, I think it might be a good idea to tell them about the change in how you’re feeling. Anyone would be worried if you suddenly left after just 30 minutes.
You should put your own feelings first. And if you decide to walk away, it’s okay to distance yourself completely, regardless of what the other person thinks.
Until your motivation comes back, please find something else that makes your heart sing.
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I’m Flag Maker, a columnist.
I understand. I went through a period like that too.
At the time, I told all the women I was seeing regularly that I wouldn’t be continuing our arrangements. Their reactions were all different, which was good in a way.
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I’m Meg, a female member.
> “I’m always dragged around for nearly eight hours on our dates.”
That part caught my attention.
Dragged around…? Does that mean he makes you go shopping with him and buy things for him, or something like that…?
Maybe that’s what’s been bothering you deep down. And yes, attending events can certainly be exhausting too.
Are you only going along with what your partner wants? You may be putting up with things without even realizing it.
I think it would be perfectly fine to suggest having a more relaxed date once in a while.
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I’m Hikōki, a male member.
Around the three-month mark, it’s natural to start wondering whether you want to continue or call it quits.
If nothing in particular has happened, there’s no real reason to break things off. But once you start feeling that way, you may not be as enthusiastic about meeting, while her attitude stays the same as long as her allowance doesn’t change.
You could either reduce how often you meet or offer to meet someone new. But if you think, “What if it ends up the same way again?” you may lose the motivation to make another offer.
Why not try asking things like:
“Would it be okay if I only have time for tea next time?”
“Would you be okay with just enjoying a meal together next time?”
If she says that’s fine, then perhaps it would be worth meeting her.
Going to a hotel every single time can feel complicated, so with girls you’re continuing to see—whether they’re B-type or C-type—it might be a good idea to ask this way. If she’s okay with it, I think it makes the connection feel less like “I want to see you = I want my allowance.”
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Maezawa from the President’s Office here.
Why not transfer one month’s allowance without meeting in person?
The point of sending the money is to keep things open so you can meet again if, after not seeing each other for a while, you feel like meeting again.
As for the reason, you can say something like:
“Someone at my company—or someone close to me who wasn’t quite a close contact—recently got COVID, so I’d like to monitor the situation for two weeks just to be safe.
After that, I got nervous whenever there was a COVID case around me, so I’ll just transfer the money for a while without meeting.”
Then you can take some time apart and decide later based on whether you still want to meet.
Though I don’t think you really need to overthink it.
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