I’m Fuu, a column writer.
It sounds like you happened to meet a pretty tough papa (a male supporter) who complained that you had no charm. That was just bad luck.
Of course you’d be nervous—you’re meeting a complete stranger.
Personally, I think it leaves a good impression when someone is nervous and a little formal. On the other hand, I’m not a big fan of people who come on too strong.
To answer your question—“What kind of girl makes you think, ‘I’d like to see her again’? Someone who leaves a good impression and makes the time enjoyable?”—here’s my personal take.
When making the offer:
- She responds quickly, ideally within the same day
(It’s also fine to say, “I need to check my schedule, so please wait until tomorrow.”)
- If she can’t make the suggested date, she explains why and proposes an alternative.
Right after meeting:
- She says, “Thank you for the offer,” with a smile.
- She reacts to the restaurant or food, saying things like, “That looks delicious!” or “That was really good.”
Conversation:
- She keeps the conversation flowing and reacts naturally.
- She talks a little about things she likes.
- She asks questions about topics she’s interested in.
In my case, I only show my profile to people I make offers to, so things go more smoothly when they’ve actually read it. I also try to read the other person’s profile beforehand, so the conversation moves along nicely when they respond to the topics I bring up.
Adult relationship (intimate):
- There’s a sense of pretend romance.
- She puts her arms around my waist during the experience.
- She makes sounds—even if they’re acting.
- She stays physically close afterward too.
The level of service during the adult relationship (intimate) really does have a major impact on whether I want to see someone again and whether I come away with a good impression.
Ah, you’re a Type B person, right?
When it comes to reacting during conversation, I think it’s best to simply put your genuine feelings into words. But if that’s difficult, here’s something to use as a reference:
The “sa-shi-su-se-so” phrases of a capable woman（笑）
Sa: “As expected of you!”
Shi: “I didn’t know that!”
Su: “That’s amazing!”
Se: “You have great taste!”
So: “Oh, I see!”
Men are simple. They’re generally happy to hear these kinds of things.
In conclusion:
For me, if someone simply talks normally with a smile, I’ll almost always have a good impression.
Cheers to you for having the courage to go meet a strange older man.
I hope you meet a wonderful papa (a male supporter) who thinks your seriousness is absolutely wonderful.
I’m Tetsu, a male member.
Personally, I like women who are a little too serious (lol). I always look forward to each date, wondering what she’ll be like once she relaxes and lets her guard down.
I’ll answer on the assumption that you’re meeting a Type B woman.
It’s only natural to be at least a little nervous on a first date. I think it’s too soon to judge someone as lacking charm based solely on how they act when they’re nervous. That’s why I make a point of meeting someone at least twice, with a few exceptions.
I don’t particularly enjoy fake smiles, because I can’t tell whether she’s genuinely having fun or forcing herself. But if I see her give a big, genuine smile even once during the date, I’m much more likely to want to see her again.
I think it’s good to express your happiness and enjoyment in a way that gets through to the man.
Simply saying, “I had fun today,” isn’t ideal—it makes me wonder, “What did you enjoy?” Instead, try saying something specific and positive, like, “I’m excited because this is my first time having dinner at such a lovely restaurant.” Even little comments like that will put the man in a good mood.
As you build up these small exchanges, the conversation will naturally expand, your nerves will ease, and you may even find yourself genuinely enjoying the conversation. If the man can feel that you’re having a good time, I think the relationship is likely to continue through a second and third date.
Late-to-the-party Joe here. The other day, I finally ended up going all the way without protection.
Anyway, ten points to Flag Maker for that answer. Though if that’s your take, why answer at all?
Calling someone you’re meeting for the first time “unaffectionate” is pretty harsh, and as Flag Maker said, “Then you should be the one to draw it out of her,” right?
That said, setting aside for the moment whether the questioner really lacks charm, I do think it’s true that many men look for a certain warmth and charm in women. Speaking for myself, when it comes to women I meet through a dating club, whether or not they have that charm is one of the things I pay attention to—just as the amount of allowance is one of the things women consider.
So what should you do? Is it enough to simply smile nonstop? This may rub some people the wrong way, but if you’re smiling from beginning to end, you definitely won’t be judged as “unaffectionate”—at least according to Joe’s research.
Still, that’s not easy to do. This is where Flag Maker’s advice comes in. Trying to force yourself to smile all the time is exhausting. Instead, ask about the other person’s personality while being mindful of their privacy. Most older men probably love being asked about their experiences, including their success stories—at least that’s my impression. Then try responding naturally and warmly. There’s no need to overthink it. Just answer sincerely and honestly. If you do that, you’re already an appealing woman with plenty of charm.
Finally, a message of encouragement: Being serious is one of your strengths. Try adding a little “give it your all” to that as well—though perhaps you already do.
I hope your relationship is a peaceful and happy one.
Imai, the Tokyo chief at Universe Club, will answer as well.
A male member once gave us the following feedback:
“She brought some cookies as a little gift to our first date! I’ve been going on dates with various women for ○ years, but this was the first time I’d ever experienced something like that, and I was really touched!”
It probably could have been anything—even a single piece of candy. What made such a good impression was the thoughtfulness and consideration behind the gesture.
Rather than always expecting men to give, I feel that women who also bring something to the table are more popular.
Mamoru from Universe Tokyo here.
I think it’s best to tell someone you’re meeting for the first time about your shortcomings upfront.
For example:
“I tend to get nervous, so I might come across as unfriendly.”
“I’m shy and not very good at talking to people, so I’m sorry if I’m a little quiet.”
“I’m not very good at having meals with people I’ve just met, but I absolutely love food.”
“This is my first time somewhere like this, and I don’t really know proper table manners, so please let me know if I do anything wrong.”
If you say a sentence or two like this right after introducing yourself, they’ll naturally try to put you at ease. And when you give them a genuine smile, they may even mistakenly think, “I made her smile.”
Then, tell the next man you meet:
“I was told before that I’m not very charming, so I might get nervous.”
I’m sure he’ll reassure you by saying, “That’s not true at all.”
Rather than forcing yourself to smile, why not simply be honest with him about how you feel?
I’m a male member in Seattle.
It’s exhausting when a woman doesn’t talk at all, so I’d like her to make conversation too.
Personally, I prefer a casual, friendly tone. Not many women talk to me that way, though.
I’m Rin, a female member.
Applause to Flag Maker.
Let’s just ignore the abusive comments from delusional old men with money.
Being sincere is a wonderful quality—not something you can simply become by trying.
Truly wonderful people tell stories so entertaining that you can’t stop laughing, or so captivating that you forget to blink while listening… They make you lose track of time.
I’m sure someone like that will come along for you too. Please keep moving forward with your activities without letting yourself get hurt.
Maezawa from the CEO’s Office here, answering your question.
> “I was told I’m not very charming.”
I’m surprised there are men who would say something like that, but thinking about when someone might be perceived as lacking charm:
For example, if a man suggests an adult relationship (intimate) and you flatly respond, “I can’t today,” he might think you’re not very charming.
Instead, you could say something like, “Ehhh…”—an ambiguous response where he can’t tell whether it’s a yes or no—and turn him down vaguely.
Or say, “I’ll think about it,” even though you’re talking about after dinner, making him wonder, “What does that mean? Does she mean she can’t do it today?” That kind of way of refusing might be better.
(Though both approaches involve men asking repeatedly, so I imagine it can be difficult.)
As for making a good impression, perhaps it’s about smiling and seeming like you’re genuinely enjoying yourself. I think conversations are more enjoyable when they flow naturally.
I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
> When you meet someone for the first time, what kind of person makes you think, “I’d like to see her again,” and leaves you with a good, enjoyable impression?
For me, it’s someone who listens seriously and answers sincerely.
A smile is important, too.
If she’s nervous, you can usually tell from the atmosphere, so there’s no problem with being nervous.
If the woman sitting across from you gets overwhelmed and does her best to answer, wouldn’t you think, “How cute!” rather than “She has no charm”? (lol)
I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
“Not very charming”? That’s harsh.
If he’s such a sophisticated gentleman with so much life experience, I feel like saying, “Then you should be the one to ease her nerves!” lol
That said, it’s true that a certain number of wealthy people are pretty delusional. They’ve spent their lives flattering customers and people above them in status to win work and climb the ladder, so they end up expecting the same from others. There are definitely people who think, “If you want an allowance from me, you should show me some respect. That’s only natural, right?”
And, unfortunately, this is a world where you’re also judged on whether you can handle people like that skillfully.
Being “too serious” is by no means a bad thing—in fact, it’s a really good quality(^^)
You probably try so hard to make the other person like you because you’re serious, but whether they like you or not is something you can leave up to them. It’s hard to put the subtle difference into words.
I’m not sure whether this advice is exactly on point, but how about using that serious nature of yours to imagine what the man’s background might be?
Maybe he spent years desperately competing in a world of one-upmanship, building a circle of followers, working hard to rise through the ranks, and eventually making a lot of money. Along the way, he developed that kind of personality. Now, there’s probably no one left who will call him out. His wife and children may even find him annoying at home. He has no genuine female friends. He can use his position in the hierarchy to invite women from his company out to dinner, but they certainly don’t like him. Still, wanting to be liked, he gives misguided advice and lectures them—and only becomes more irritating.
Eventually, he ends up at a dating club. But even there, he mistakenly thinks he can win women over, so out of habit he starts asserting his superiority and lecturing them. In reality, though, he behaves that way because he wants to be liked.
If you imagine him as such a pitiful, lonely creature, maybe a kind smile will naturally come to your face? lol
And once you become able to imagine people that way, everyday life may become just a little easier, too.
I’m Meg, a female member.
Of course you’d be nervous—it was your first time…
Even I was nervous in my 40s.
And to tell you that you “have no charm”? How thoughtless of him…
He probably doesn’t realize that he’s the one making you nervous.
I’m sure not everyone is like that, so don’t worry.
Making an effort to smile is more than enough (*^^*)
Don’t let it get you down too much~
I’m Kamihikōki, a male member.
Since the man has even watched her videos and already likes her quite a bit, I don’t think the woman needs to worry too much about anything. I believe it’s the man’s job to help ease her nerves.
Since it’s their first date, I suggest about three possible places—some nearby, farther away, or in a busy downtown area—so she can choose and feel a little more relaxed.
I also prepare a selection of two or three to six or seven restaurants or activities in each area, so she can choose the area based on what she feels like eating.
At the same time, if I ask in a leading way at the beginning, she’ll usually just agree to go to that particular place. So even after she says, “Maybe this one?” and we’ve settled on somewhere to go, I make another suggestion as well. Most of the time, she ends up wanting to go somewhere different from the place we initially chose.
Once we decide to go somewhere she’s excited about, she can picture what she wants to eat, which makes the journey there enjoyable too.
As we get closer to the restaurant or area, she can start to feel the atmosphere, which adds to the excitement and sense of anticipation. I might introduce one of my favorite spots or point out delicious-looking places while we walk around, and sometimes she’ll say she wants to go to one of them instead.
Because it’s a restaurant she chose with anticipation, once we sit down, she can pick something appealing from the menu. When delicious dishes arrive—including things she doesn’t usually eat—people naturally become absorbed in their food. Before they know it, time has passed, and their nerves have melted away.
