A man I’ve gone on several dates with surprised me with a gift. (I didn’t ask for it, and we had never discussed anything like that.)
What surprised me was that I didn’t receive an allowance that day.
I know I should have confirmed it, but I naturally assumed the allowance was inside the gift bag.
I was genuinely happy to receive a present, but it was completely different from my taste, so I don’t think I’ll ever use it.
When a man gives a woman a present, do many men consider that equivalent to an allowance?
I’m BB7, a male member.
Surprise gift → Completely off from my taste → “What, no allowance? You idiot!”
Somehow, I got a glimpse of both of your personalities, and couldn’t help laughing（笑）
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Mamiya from Universe Tokyo here.
Some people prefer to buy something themselves and give it to their partner, because they don’t know what the allowance will be used for and feel fulfilled when they see the person actually using the gift.
A person’s taste in gifts is very important, and I think it can affect your compatibility going forward.
Maybe you should gradually fade out…
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I’m Tetsu, a male member.
In a way, this is quite a surprise.
I believe gifts are given out of goodwill, while an allowance is something that’s expected—so they’re two completely different things.
If you leave things vague, it may continue happening in the future. It could strain the relationship, but I think you should talk this through.
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I’m a male member, Paper Plane.
If he said to his wife, “I bought you a handbag, so you don’t need any living expenses,” she’d probably blow up.
That said, I can also understand that men want their value and feelings to be appreciated, at least to some extent.
There’s no doubt he really likes you, so hopefully you can get across tactfully that the allowance is your top priority—and that simply receiving the allowance would already make you more than happy.
Since he gave you something so far removed from what you wanted without taking you along or even asking, he probably isn’t very experienced with clubs or women. I think you should be able to guide him and get him used to things on your terms.
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Maezawa from “The President’s Office” here.
Normally, gifts are considered an extra, so it’s standard to receive a gift in addition to your allowance.
Perhaps that man still didn’t quite understand how things work. Maybe he had the rather unusual idea that it was fine because the gift cost more than the usual allowance.
At this rate, he might later say things like, “Since I treated you to an expensive meal today, we don’t need to do the allowance, right?” So I think you should be careful.
If you’re okay with the possibility that the relationship may end, you could try asking something like:
“I think I forgot to receive my allowance. Will I be able to get it next time?”
I say it might be worth trying, but honestly, it’s not a very good idea, since there’s a high chance he may dislike you for bringing it up.
Still, he might realize that an allowance was expected and give you both this time’s and the previous time’s allowance at your next meeting.
(Of course, there’s also a possibility that the relationship will end and he’ll stop replying.)
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
That’s awful. To avoid that kind of awkwardness, I make a point of keeping gifts modest—just a few thousand yen.
Personally, when I give an expensive gift, I consider it separate from the allowance.
Even if a gift was meant to count as the allowance, you shouldn’t unilaterally change the terms of the allowance, right?
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