“I didn’t enjoy it at all—you’re thin and short, you couldn’t hit the right spots, you took forever to finish, your touch was rough and painful, and your kisses were smelly because you kept licking around my mouth. It was awful.” There’s no way I could say that to a man I’ve just met.
When all I can do is say, “I had fun,” what exactly does he expect me to say?
I’m Tetsu, a male member.
I often ask “Are you okay?” because I’m concerned that I may have touched her too much and caused pain, or been too rough and hurt her somewhere.
Looking at it from a man’s perspective, I’d sum it up in one word: “a sense of accomplishment.” Maybe he wants the confidence of knowing he satisfied her when she says, “That was great,” or wants to maintain his pride—in other words, a shallow sense of achievement.
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I’m column writer Fuu.
“ How was it?” is definitely a difficult question to answer.
As everyone who responded said, if there’s something you really dislike, the solution is probably to tactfully encourage the other person to improve—unless you want to end the relationship.
Fuu also always wraps up her thank-you messages with:
“Today was fun.”
“What kind of impression do I give you?”
“You seem kind.”
I’m hopeless—no skills and not exactly popular.
To be honest, I’ve never been asked, “How was it?” But my thank-you messages do always end with the one line, “Today was fun,” so maybe my partner feels the same way as the person who asked this question.
I’ll reflect on this and keep working on myself—trying not to be pushy, not to kiss too much, and to keep things moderate so my favorite partners will want to continue seeing me. I’ll pay close attention to how they feel and keep improving.
Thank you for making me realize this!
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I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member.
Haha（笑）
> “I have no choice but to say, ‘I had a good time.’”
Wouldn’t that response be fine? I think he probably wants you to tell him, “I had a good time.”
Maybe the man himself has some idea of what he could improve and is asking because of that. For now, I think it’s fine to say, “I had a good time,” and then add what you think would make it even better.
Rather than making comments about physical attributes, such as “I prefer it thicker and longer,” try saying things like, “Please touch me a little more gently,” or “I prefer softer kisses.”
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Maezawa from the CEO’s office here as well.
I feel that someone who asks, “Was it good?” is probably overconfident and waiting to hear, “Yes, it was.”
But when they ask, “How was it?” they might be wondering whether you didn’t seem to enjoy it much and asking what they could improve next time, or simply wanting to know whether you’re usually like that.
I understand that it can be hard to answer when you’re asked after your first meeting, but even if you’ve met dozens of times, I don’t think you can really ask for the honest truth anyway.
Still, I suppose you can’t help wanting to ask whether there was anything you wished they’d done differently.
> “He was skinny and short, so he couldn’t hit the right spots at all. He also took forever to finish, touched me roughly and painfully, and licked all around my mouth during the kiss. It smelled bad too. It was the worst.”
Hmm, in that case, maybe something like:
“Was it not very good, then?
You took so long to finish that I started to lose confidence >＜
I’d be happy if you could touch me a little more gently during foreplay.
I was a little surprised when you kissed my whole face.
But kissing mouth-to-mouth is still my favorite.
As for that part, yours is just the right size, but I’d like to experience something thicker and longer sometime.”
A slightly review-like approach could work too.
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I’m Flagmaker, a column writer.
This happened just the other day.
I feel like asking, “How was it?” is kind of a bad idea, so I tried phrasing it a little differently:
“I’ll try harder to make you feel good next time!!”
And she replied:
“No, this is already plenty.”
Ouch. 😭
Maybe I should just wrap things up more quickly…
It was a night of deep self-reflection. lol
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
As Mac said in his answer, he probably asked because the questioner didn’t seem to be enjoying herself.
“His touch was rough and painful” and “He kept licking around my mouth, and it smelled bad” are both things that can be improved if you communicate them tactfully without hurting the man’s feelings. Why not try to find a good way to tell him?
“I had fun” is basically the same as saying, “It wasn’t good.” I do think it was kind of the questioner not to say, “It was the worst.” If you intend to keep seeing him, wouldn’t giving him feedback—and having the pain and odor resolved—make things easier and more comfortable for you?
On the other hand, I’ve had women tell me, “It was good,” and it left me feeling a little awkward. Asking what exactly was good would be gauche, and if she was just saying it to be polite, then something must have been disappointing.
Riichi,
True, if it were about another guy, I’d ask too lol.
As for my own thoughts, as you said, it’s scary, and it would also be gauche. Besides, she probably wouldn’t tell me honestly in the first place. When it’s about someone else, though, I can get a candid opinion, which is really helpful lol.
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
When I was working at a men’s relaxation salon, the therapists would sometimes vent to me about customers who kept coming in and saying things like:
“Let’s go see a movie after you quit, okay?”
“Will you date me once you leave?”
“You like me, don’t you?”
“We’ll go out for dinner after you quit, right?”
The therapists would say:
“Why does he ask me that every time… and over and over?”
“What am I even supposed to say?”
“If I liked him, I would’ve gone out to eat with him by now. He wouldn’t need to keep coming to the salon…”
There seem to be more and more guys who get the wrong idea…
When it comes to compatibility—not just sex—words aren’t necessary.
> Mack-san
The girl I mentioned the other day contacted me again and said we should meet up, so we’re going three days from now. We weren’t physically compatible, but I’m glad I now have something to look forward to.
As an aside, I was having yakiniku with my senior, Mr. XX, who seems to specialize in CAs, when he received this LINE message:
“Twenty-three years ago, in the summer, you introduced me to Paper Airplane-san, and the four of us—XX, ⬜︎⬜︎-chan, you, and me—met up, didn’t we?!
I was remembering all sorts of things around this time.
I’m truly glad I got to meet you♡
My life from here on will still be dominated by my children and work, but you, XX-san, have had so many wonderful encounters with different people… Someday, I’d love to read your life story (or something like that)♡
Thank you for such a lovely time♡”
Apparently, a woman he hadn’t seen in over a decade came to visit him while he was in the hospital, and they were reunited.
It warmed my heart to see that the girl I introduced him to has maintained a good relationship with him for over twenty years.
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