This is Kazu, one of the respondents. I’ve been mulling over our discussion about allowances from yesterday and the day before, and I think I’m starting to sort out my thoughts.
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When someone says, “The allowance is up to your feelings,” it sounds vague and is hard to understand, but basically, it means that “the amount of the allowance isn’t the most important thing; what matters most is having fun spending time with and being intimate with the man you’re seeing,” right? So you don’t think about the breakdown of the allowance, the amount of time you’re tied up, or whether the allowance is high or low based solely on the figure.
At the same time, it’s not that the amount doesn’t matter at all. Surely being given just 10,000 yen for spending the night would feel downright insulting, and you wouldn’t exactly have fun being with a man like that, would you?
Ladies, is this understanding correct?
Mamiya from Universe Tokyo here.
I think women naturally calculate things like whether the allowance feels worth it—whether the date feels like it drags on or flies by, and whether the amount is fair for this particular person.
That’s why there’s such a thing as the going rate: a baseline where, as long as you don’t fall below it, you’re still okay even if you lose a few points here and there.
I also think there are different levels to what a date involves:
Dinner: 1
Fooling around: 2
Hotel: 5
Platonic date: 3
Travel: 6
For example, if it’s just dinner and a hotel, 50,000 yen might be enough, but if he also expects you to go to a movie, the time commitment is longer, so maybe you’d want 30,000 yen…?
I was wondering if that’s the kind of calculation people make.
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Maezawa from the CEO’s office here with an answer as well.
For many people, the most important thing is the amount of the allowance. Enjoying spending time or being intimate with their dating partner comes second.
If you conducted a survey asking whether people would prefer:
Someone who’s enjoyable to be intimate with but offers an allowance of 3, or
someone who isn’t particularly enjoyable but offers an allowance of 10,
the answer might become pretty clear.
Even so, I don’t think it would ever be a 100–0 split.
Everyone values different things, and personal preferences and various other factors come into play.
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
I believe that rigid, formulaic thinking about women is dangerous, so I think that kind of assumption can be risky.
Every woman is different, and even the same woman’s feelings can change from one moment to the next. Something that seemed perfectly fine just a moment ago can suddenly become unacceptable without you realizing it.
I believe the only real answer is how she feels in that moment.
An allowance can dull the expression of those feelings, which makes them extremely difficult to read. At the same time, I think there are feelings that are easier to express precisely because an allowance is involved. That’s what makes it interesting, too.
I apologize for speaking out as someone still inexperienced. m(_ _)m
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I’m Marika, a female member.
I don’t think saying “whatever you feel is appropriate” is simply because it’s hard to ask directly—or that it means the allowance isn’t the most important thing and that having fun going out and having sex with the man you’re seeing matters most.
For me, if he meets the personal baseline I have in mind for what someone like him should give, then I’ll see him again. If he doesn’t, I’ll accept what he gives me that day with a “thank you,” but there won’t be a next time.
In a sense, that may be even more cutthroat than the girls who tell you their expected amount.
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I’m Kazu, the male member who asked the question.
Hmm, I see—it’s basically along the lines of Flag Maker’s answer, then.
What I’ve realized is that there’s no single right answer; it all comes down to the feeling of the moment. And yes, the going rates discussed on blogs really aren’t reliable. Also, there apparently isn’t any breakdown after all（笑）
Thank you, everyone.
P.S. I’ve had an experience similar to Mac’s cake story（笑） So that’s what it was（笑）
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I’m Hikōki, a male member.
Speaking as a man, I feel that the most important thing is the amount of the allowance. If that need is met, then with the right partner, it’s enjoyable to spend time with and have sex with the man I’m seeing. I don’t think about the breakdown of the allowance or how much time I’m tied up.
I suppose that even with the same person, if you met somewhere outside the club, it could become love or a natural relationship without money being involved… The club quickly fulfills all your needs, but at the same time, it can feel a little lonely.
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