We had a huge fight after he found out I invest in stocks.
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I met a company president through a dating club, and we've been together for a year and a half. He gives me money for living expenses every month, and we travel abroad and around Japan together. I love him, and he seems to have fun when he's with me too, sometimes saying things like, “We’re so lovey-dovey, haha.”
But today, we had a huge fight. The reason was that I had been buying stocks without telling him.
I started investing in U.S. stocks last year. In June this year, when I had about ¥1 million in unrealized gains, I asked him whether I should sell.
At the time, he said, “Don’t do something dangerous like investing in stocks. I’m giving you money for your living expenses, after all. I don’t want to see you depressed over stocks. Take your profits now and never do it again.”
So I realized about ¥1 million in gains, but after that, I became even more interested in stocks and started making over ¥500,000 a month through swing trading. I kept it a secret from him.
He asked me several times, “You haven’t started investing in stocks again since then, have you?” I dodged the question by telling him I was barely doing it.
Then today, I wanted to realize about ¥3 million in gains from one of the stocks in my portfolio, which is worth around ¥24 million. Since I was making a profit, I thought he might praise me, so I ended up telling him.
Instead of praising me, he got furious. He said, “I told you not to do it, and you lied to me anyway!? I’ve lost around ¥1 billion in stocks myself. Amateurs always lose. And yet you lied and kept doing it. I can’t trust you. When things like this happen, I can’t trust you anymore. I might really stop contacting you altogether, you know? You’re always lying. I bet you’re lying about plenty of other things too.”
It’s true that I lied. I’ve also kept quiet about having three other papas and a boyfriend. But I enjoy investing, and I feel fulfilled by building my assets through long-term investments. I don’t want to stop.
He gives me around ¥200,000 a month. Although I’m the only person he’s seeing, we can’t get married and turn this into a permanent relationship. There’s no guarantee that his support will last forever. That’s precisely why I want to make money through stocks and secure a reasonable income for myself, but…
I don’t think our trust can be restored even if I apologize, but what could I say to him so that he’ll forgive me?
Or should I just say, “I want to be free to do what I want, so let’s break up”? I love him very much, but he simply won’t understand this one thing about investing, and I’m really struggling. I’d be grateful to hear everyone’s thoughts.
Mamiya from Universe Tokyo here.
Is it just me, or does this come across as a bit of a humblebrag? I think you’re smart, too, so you may already know the answer without needing to ask.
Even with men, when they talk about their past accomplishments, luxury cars they own, or famous people they’ve been with, it often feels like they’re trying to bask in a sense of superiority. Whether they mean it as bragging or not, it rarely brings anything good—usually just jealousy or resentment from those around them.
Think carefully about who you should tell and who you should consult, and simply avoid doing things that your papa (a male supporter) would dislike. I think that’s all you need to do.
That said, you both seem quite strong-willed, so I have a feeling you may end up arguing over something else as well.
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I’m Maezawa from the president’s office, and I’ll answer this as well.
People feel disappointed or angry when they realize they’ve been lied to.
In this case, you said you weren’t trading stocks anymore, yet then told him you had made a profit. I think he must have wondered, “What’s going on?”
And once you discover one lie, it’s only natural to suspect that the person may have lied about other things too.
It also makes me wonder why, after lying, you ended up revealing it yourself.
> I don’t think apologizing will restore our trust, but what can I say to him so that he’ll forgive me?
If you want to continue the relationship, perhaps you could sell all the stocks you currently own, show him documentation proving that you sold them, and say:
“I won’t trade stocks anymore.”
Then buy the same stocks through a different account and make sure you absolutely don’t get caught this time.
That seems like the best approach.
Alternatively, you could find someone who enjoys trading stocks as well. Then you’d have someone to talk about stocks with, and you could limit those conversations to that person.
Someone like that might even be happy for you when you make a profit.
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I’m Rin, a female member.
It sounds like you have a real talent for investing in stocks, that you enjoy it, and that you’d even like to make it your life’s work.
If that’s the case, why not make it your priority?
After all, you had already had a falling-out with your papa over stocks, and he even told you that they were the one thing he disliked most. Yet you continued to lie without hesitation whenever he asked about them, and then thought, “I made money, so I’ll get him to praise me.”
How self-centered is that?
You’re being naïve.
I believe that trust is the hardest thing to build and the easiest thing to destroy, both in life and at work.
You, the person asking this question, destroyed it yourself with remarkable ease.
If you had shown your papa kindness, consideration, compassion, and respect, I don’t think you would ever have brought it up in the first place. I suspect your actions came from the naïve assumption that, because he loves you, he would forgive you. But people are flesh and blood, with feelings, so things don’t work out as neatly as a trade.
Perhaps you’ll find happiness by wholeheartedly pursuing what you truly want to do. I recommend removing that obstacle yourself.
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
If it’s something you enjoy, I think you should continue doing it from start to finish, taking full responsibility for your choices.
“I want the people around me to understand. I want them to appreciate me. I want advice.”
It’s feelings like these that lead questioners to make mistakes. That’s what caused this situation too, wasn’t it?
The only person who can truly appreciate your efforts is you.
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I’m Tetsu, a male member.
What a businessman hates most is betrayal. As the saying goes, once trust is broken, it’s unlikely to ever be restored.
If you want to keep trading stocks, you should tell your papa. It’s your life, so you should live it the way you want. Why not tell him, “I’ll quit trading stocks completely, so in exchange, please give me ¥500,000 a month”? What would you do if he actually gave you ¥500,000? (lol)
If money is your priority, you could also suppress your guilty feelings, say nothing at all about trading stocks, and quietly continue as things are now.
It’s ridiculous to let your life be controlled for around ¥200,000 a month. Besides, you don’t even know how long that money will continue. When it comes to uncertain income, stock trading and papa-katsu are no different.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
U.S. stocks are interesting, aren’t they? I fund part of my activities at the club with profits from investing in U.S. stocks.
Why did you tell him you were investing when he even said, “You haven’t been trading since then, have you?” Would you tell someone who says, “You don’t have another man, do you?” that you have three other papas and a boyfriend?
If you can already see that telling him will lead to an argument, I don’t think it’s a smart thing to do. Since investing seems to be more appealing to you than the company president, if I were you, I’d say, “I want to live freely, so if you’re really that unhappy about my investing, let’s break up.”
When a stock has crashed and there’s no prospect of recovery, cutting your losses can be one effective option.
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
Before Abenomics, I’d get applications for my lunchtime openings from housewives without even having to think about it…
After Abenomics, even repeated job postings attracted almost no applications from housewives. (Once they started making money in stocks, they no longer needed jobs paying around ¥1,000 an hour.)
Since COVID, I’ve been getting several times more applications than last year, regardless of age. (Please hire me even if I can’t take many shifts.)
It tracks stock prices perfectly.
> Once you’re making ¥500,000 a month,
the value of a papa bringing in ¥200,000 a month starts to fade… (That’s what scares company presidents.)
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