I’ve gone on several dates with a Type C woman, but she keeps fobbing me off:
“My stomach hurts” (probably ate too much)
“I have an early start tomorrow” (then say so sooner)
and so on.
Maybe it’s because I haven’t made it clear that the hotel is the goal with her, but things don’t seem to be moving forward.
If we just keep going on dinner dates like this, I won’t feel fulfilled.
We’re not in a relationship as a man and woman.
Should I just cut things off?
Mamiya from Universe Tokyo here.
I’m sorry to say this, but the woman has complete control of the situation, so I think there’s a strong chance she isn’t interested.
Even if things develop into an adult relationship (intimate), she may remain distant, negotiate her allowance, or otherwise leave you disappointed again.
Why not enjoy the sense of accomplishment once and then end things with her?
Alternatively, you could speak honestly with her and see whether there’s any possibility of things progressing.
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Maezawa from Shacho-shitsu here.
If a man invites you without discussing money, then talks about wanting a long-term relationship or something like being a couple, you may start wondering:
“Is this guy misunderstanding something? I didn’t sign up to look for a boyfriend.”
If you haven’t discussed money, I think he should clearly state something like, “The allowance would be around this much,” before inviting you.
Some women are fine without discussing the allowance because they assume that, since he’s registered with the club, he’ll naturally provide a reasonable allowance. However, stories of women getting burned in situations like that have already spread.
For example, they agree and go to a hotel assuming he’ll pay, only to be told afterward, “I thought this was a romantic relationship, so we don’t need to discuss an allowance, right?”
No matter how much people call it free love, a man who doesn’t pay the allowance isn’t suitable for the club and may be subject to forced removal. Usually, he’ll say that wasn’t what he intended, so he’ll receive a strict warning instead.
There are also cases where the allowance was extremely low.
Stories like these are probably common, so when the man says nothing, the woman may understandably hesitate to say yes.
You might think, “Then why doesn’t the woman bring up the allowance?” But if she’s the kind of woman who can say that outright, she may not be all that interested in him in the first place. (Though I’m sure some men do prefer women like that.)
So, at the very least, he needs to discuss the allowance properly before inviting her.
If he dodges the subject when you bring it up, that probably means he doesn’t want to offer that amount. In that case, you can either walk away or try negotiating for more.
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I’m Rin, a female member.
I think she decided a long time ago whether anything could happen with this person or not.
She’s just stringing you along... Either you’re exceptionally good at choosing restaurants, unusually fun to talk to, or she’s observing you to see if you’ll give her an allowance...
Either way, with you as things stand now,
I don’t think it’s happening.
What a wicked woman!
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I’m Tetsu, a male member.
That’s a common situation for male members. Since I’m only hearing your side, I can’t say for sure, but from what you’ve described, she may be pretending to be a C-type.
If what you’re looking for is an adult relationship (intimate), you should pull out now. You’ve already made it clear to her that you want that kind of relationship, so I think the chances of things progressing are low.
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I’m date◎yume, a male member.
> They keep dodging the question.
I’ve had similar experiences myself, so I understand how you feel.
I think it may be best to go back to basics:
- Why you joined the dating club
- Why you currently want to meet your female partner
Once you clarify your “purpose,” I believe your “course of action” will naturally become clear.
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I’m a male member, Paper Airplane.
I’d decline.
If she doesn’t show even the slightest remorse, she’ll only keep doing it—or become more entitled—so there’s no point wasting time thinking about it or meeting her again.
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I’m column writer Flagmaker.
Aren’t you curious about what she really thinks?
I would be.
Is it that she “isn’t ready,” or does she think you’re not someone she can do that with?
So why not try going on dinner-only dates for a while and see how things develop?
If you push, she’ll only pull away. This time, try backing off. Give her a slightly more generous allowance for dinner only, and keep building that kind of relationship for a while.
Above all, make her see you as a safe, gentlemanly, kindhearted papa.
Then ask her:
“I’m not trying to pressure you, but… just wondering, how do you feel about what happens after dinner?”
I think you’ll get a fairly honest answer.
Isn’t it boring to just say, “If I can’t ○ her, I’ll move on to the next”?
Women who are called “dating-type scammers” may simply look like liars or con artists from a man’s perspective. But from her point of view, she may be struggling with all kinds of conflicting feelings, and trying to hide them can make her seem dishonest. Cases like that do happen.
If you can draw out what she really feels, you may see what to do next.
Even if you can’t get her to take off her clothes, isn’t getting her to open up emotionally another kind of accomplishment? Or is it just a waste of time? Haha.
If the questioner’s only goal is to ○ her, then it’s probably best to cut your losses and move on to the next one.
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I’m Marika, a female member.
Next time, try asking him to meet you in a hotel room first and go out for a meal afterward. Let me know whether he still comes on the date…
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I’m Meg, a female member.
You’ve been on several dates, yet she’s still being evasive…
That’s not good…
I’m sure this is making you lose interest as well.
It also seems that she’s gently signaling that she doesn’t want to go to a hotel.
If you’re looking for a sense of accomplishment, please move on and look for someone else.
m(_ _)m
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
I think only the woman knows the right answer, but if it were me, I’d assume it just wasn’t meant to be and make offers to other women.
That said, it would be different if she were someone I found incredibly enjoyable even just to talk with.
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