I always enjoy reading this site.
I’ve been seeing my papa (in his 60s) once a week for the past six months, and we went on a trip yesterday.
On the Shinkansen ride home, I happened to catch a glimpse of his phone screen and saw a message saying that he had plans to meet another girl the day after seeing me.
He had told me that I was the only person he was seeing, so I’m really shocked because I trusted him.
For the time being, I didn’t say anything and decided to think about it later, but what should I do in this situation?
I’m also worried about STIs and COVID, so I’d be uncomfortable with him seeing multiple people. And honestly, it just makes me feel awful...
I’d really appreciate any advice. Thank you.
I’m Tetsu, a male member.
Unfortunately, that’s just how men are. Even if they meet one wonderful woman, I think most men at these clubs still wonder whether there might be someone even better out there.
Confronting your papa won’t solve anything, so if you can’t shake the feeling, you should end the relationship.
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Mamiya from Universe Tokyo here.
I completely understand how shocking that must have been at the time…
I’ve had a similar experience myself—or something close to it. When I arrived at the meeting place, another woman happened to walk right past me, hugging him…
I had no idea what was going on. I wondered if he had made plans with another woman for that day too, and even thought about following them to see what happened. Just as I was about to text him that I was going home, though, he called and said, “She’s someone from work—I was surprised.” So I headed to the hotel with him as if nothing had happened.
Even now, I still wonder what that was all about. I was absolutely convinced she wasn’t someone from his workplace, but I decided to put it out of my mind and enjoy my relationship with him.
Still, it bothers me to this day!!
What do you think it was?
But I suppose that’s just reality. If you’re looking for other people to meet, then the other person has the same freedom too.
If you feel like you’re not being valued, end things with them immediately.
I think it’s best to become their number one. I wouldn’t want to be their third choice, but if I really liked them, I might be able to tolerate it.
Personally, I couldn’t!!!
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
If you really don’t like him, I guess you just have to move on to the next one.
Back when I worked at a men’s esthetic salon, I’d ask the therapist during the final payment collection whether the customer had been okay.
The therapists would say things like:
“He’s here on a business trip and said he’ll come back next month.”
“He’s going overseas on business for two weeks starting tomorrow, and said he’ll come back as soon as he returns.”
In both cases, the customers already had appointments booked with different therapists for the next day or the day after… (Of course, I never told the therapists.)
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
I think women are kind lies for men, while men tell women lies that work in their own favor.
This is a world where allowances soften those kinds of lies.
Turning a blind eye for someone is a kind lie.
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I’m Maezawa from the president’s office, and I’ll answer as well.
> I’m really shocked because I believed him when he said I was the only one he was seeing.
That’s a pretty common story.
There seem to be many men who say things like, “I don’t want you seeing other men,” while continuing to meet other women themselves.
Apparently, it’s a shock at first, and they’re stunned—thinking, “Then what was the point of me believing him?”
But since you’ve already stopped seeing other men, I recommend continuing to see him while restarting your profile and quietly seeing other men as well.
Eventually, you’ll come to realize that this is just how men are.
> It really makes me feel sick, though…
Try to hold it together and continue seeing him while looking for other men as well.
A relationship between just one man and one woman is a romantic relationship. With a dating club, the basic premise is that even if you want something resembling a romantic relationship, an allowance is still involved.
I think it would be good for you to see more men and learn what men are really like. By doing so, you’ll gradually become better at recognizing whether a man is truly seeing only you.
You may not have enough experience with men yet to see through them.
Experience is necessary if you want to find a good person.
With the intention of eventually settling on just one person, I think it’s best for now to see various people.
That way, you’ll hopefully meet someone good someday.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
I think seeing multiple people at the same time is pretty common in dating clubs, and it’s something that goes both ways. From a man’s perspective, a woman might suddenly end things because she got a boyfriend, is getting married, or has saved up the target amount she needed. From the woman’s perspective, a male member might suddenly stop wanting to meet her. Seeing multiple people is one way to prepare for situations like these. It can also help when the two of you have different ideas about how often you want to meet. I think dating multiple people is effective for reducing your dependence on any one person.
My advice would be to pretend you didn’t see it. If you really can’t keep quiet, then say something—but they might find it bothersome, or even criticize you for looking at their screen.
As Mac mentioned, people do sometimes ask to be introduced to your other partners, whether because they want to become friends or simply want to interact with other women.
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
I completely understand how that male member feels, and I understand your feelings as well.
When you join a dating club, there are many wonderful women and financially comfortable men among its members. The club is a place where people meet and freely pursue relationships with each other at their own discretion and responsibility.
I’m the same way, but men are often eager—almost desperate—to make an offer, while women wait, wondering when an offer might come. That’s the kind of environment this is.
In a sense, you met through some twist of fate, so it might be a good idea to discuss how each of you views the relationship and what kind of arrangement you’re looking for.
There are also quite a few men who are cautious about relationships. You might try looking for someone like that by mentioning it in your profile or asking the club to help you find one.
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I’m Rin, a female member.
There are countless things in this world that you’re better off not seeing… but let’s set that obvious point aside for now.
First, to the person who asked:
Were you told to do this exclusively for him?
Is he your only partner?
Are you satisfied with your allowance?
If he told you to be exclusive and you agreed to it, then yes, it’s understandably unpleasant.
That said, in dating clubs, I feel there are often things that go both ways. Sometimes, certain convenient arrangements are necessary for the man and woman involved to enjoy their time together.
If you don’t like it, you can step away.
If you want to continue, you can tell him how you feel.
I’d rather avoid being in an unpleasant relationship.
But being able to read that much from a screen you only caught a glimpse of—at speed-reading level?! (Just my honest reaction.)
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