I’m the A-type female member who recently asked about overseas business trips. Thank you all for your thoughtful answers!
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This time, I have another question about a concern I’m having regarding an arrangement.
This is about the same man as in my previous question. One day, in the taxi on the way home after dinner, he suddenly said, “Wait a second,” and kissed me. This was actually my first kiss. I believe it was the second or third time we had met. At our first meeting, he asked whether I had ever had a boyfriend or any experience. I told him that I had had a boyfriend, but that the most we had done was hold hands. I didn’t mind being asked about it, but even though he knew I had never kissed anyone, he suddenly kissed me, and honestly, I thought, “Wait, what?” Since he was sitting right next to me at the time, I didn’t make a displeased face or refuse him. I decided I would wait until I got home and had calmed down before thinking about it.
After I got home, I thought about whether I should continue seeing this man. He was the first papa (a male supporter) I met after joining Universe, and he always gave me a generous (well-paying) allowance just for dinner. I questioned whether I should end the relationship over one troubling incident. In the end, I decided to put the kiss aside and not count it, and chose to continue seeing him for the time being. On a later date, he invited me to a hotel while saying, “We won’t go all the way.” At that point, I started wondering what I should do about him.
I’ve heard there aren’t any A-type female members answering questions here, but when there’s a difference in how you and a man interpret the relationship, or you feel that you’re simply not compatible, when do you tell him that you want to end the arrangement?
To the men who answered my previous question, thank you as well. I received many responses, and they were very helpful. I’m sorry this became so long again. If you have any thoughts, I would appreciate your answers.
Mamiya from Universe Tokyo here.
Ignorance is a sin.
You need to understand men as a species.
Also, sex and kissing really aren’t that big a deal.
If you make too much of them, you’ll never experience genuine pleasure.
If you still think he’s a good person but don’t want to have sex with him, I think you should gradually distance yourself before you end up getting hurt.
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I’m Marika, a female member.
I’m surprised that a woman who’s still a virgin and has never even kissed anyone joined a dating club, but I guess there are people like that.
“No counting it” is a good idea.
Why not keep receiving a generous allowance, and since you’re a virgin, make him wait a little longer before moving on to an adult relationship (intimate)—then just don’t count that, either?
I think it’s a great idea.
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
There’s almost a 100% chance this man will keep pushing things further.
I don’t think you’ll be able to keep fending him off, so continuing with him would basically mean choosing to put yourself through more unpleasant experiences.
Unless gaining that kind of experience is your goal, the safest option is simply to block him without saying anything. He’s probably used to being blocked by now, so don’t worry about it.
You’ve learned from this experience that even men with money and life experience can be complete jerks.
It’s the same in society—there are tons of awful men out there. If you don’t keep your guard up, they’ll take advantage of you.
If he tries to kiss you next time, slap him, lol. You need to be that tough.
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A confused man in his 60s here.
Speaking of an A-type offer… I’m currently having so much fun—and keeping so busy—exchanging messages with a woman I met through email dating that I don’t have the energy to turn my attention to your question… (^◇^;)
But it sounds remarkably similar to something the ◯◯◯-chan I’m seeing experienced…
You’re not ◯◯◯-chan, are you? …lol
Wait, did I just turn that into a question for you?!
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I’m Seattle, a male member.
Men who make offers to Type A women are a rare minority like me, so it seems like a waste to turn them down. Why not name an outrageously high amount—one you’d actually be willing to accept—and make a killing? He’s clearly fixated on you, so he might pay just about anything. In a roundabout way, I’m almost envious of this guy trying so hard to win you over.
Mac looks ordinary, but his credentials and actual income are on another level.
P.S. Physically, having sex every day is exhausting (once a week would be fine). But I’m a single guy with plenty of free time, so I’m available every day. I’m happy just having meals with Type A women. Tonight, I’m only having a hotel dinner with a Type A woman.
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I’m Maezawa from the president’s office, and I’ll answer this as well.
So you’re a virgin.
We’ve had women in similar situations register before.
The man who wanted to make an offer to one such woman said that while he didn’t like women who wanted an allowance for dinner only, if she simply hadn’t found the courage yet, he had no problem dating her while patiently waiting for her to become ready.
I’m curious which of the two applies to you.
If you want an allowance for dinner only, why not tell him clearly:
“There will absolutely never be anything beyond dinner. Is that still okay with you? I don’t want to kiss, and I don’t even want to be touched. No matter how many times we meet, this will never become that kind of relationship.”
If you do that, I imagine the relationship will probably end. But if he’s still okay with it, then it will be the kind of relationship you were hoping for, which would be a good outcome.
That said, in reality, there aren’t many people like the person you’re currently seeing. So I think the best approach is to look for a way to continue seeing him.
In other words, it’s obvious that he ultimately wants things to go further. The question is how you can continue going on dinner dates without forcing that conclusion.
You may have to agree to a kiss once in a while, or occasionally let him touch you. But I imagine it would be just for a moment, rather than in a private room.
To do that, you need to get to know him better. Think about the various ways you can deflect him.
By doing so, you might even be able to increase the number of people like him from one to two or three.
Cutting someone off simply because they don’t agree with you won’t get you anywhere.
As you think through these things, I believe you’ll gradually learn to distinguish between people who are impossible to deal with and those you can work things out with.
When it’s the latter, I think it’s worth treating the relationship with care.
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I’m a female member, Rin.
Hmm... It’s clear that he’s really taken with you, and I imagine you’re attractive enough to be popular even on A.
That said, unless you clearly draw the line and stand firm about things you don’t like, you may end up regretting it later. You only get one life.
I think it’s perfectly fine to block him everywhere.
Unlike you, I’m already older, so when someone sent me a list of their one-sided demands, I simply replied, “I’m sorry, but I can’t meet you.”
I forgot to block him, though, and he contacted me again, repeatedly sending messages like, “You’re the only one for me.” It left me feeling extremely uncomfortable.
I’m sure you had your own reasons for signing up.
Even if you’re young and innocent, it’s very important to also be able to stand your ground.
Good luck.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
That man seems to have a tendency to gradually push things further and further. Since it was my first kiss, you should’ve cried and demanded about a million yen from him（笑).
Whether his behavior was right or wrong depends on how you—as the woman involved—felt about it. You seem to be fairly open-minded, but I think most women would have their boundaries set much earlier than you did.
In any relationship—not just one through a dating club—adults have to take responsibility for their own choices and actions. So you won’t end up regretting anything, be firm and say no to anything you don’t like.
I read Mac’s answer.
That’s right—I’m a cautious person. Because of that, I’ve missed countless opportunities. So I admire people who, unlike me, are willing to take bold chances.
People who take bold chances have experienced more failures than I have, but they haven’t missed out on opportunities either.
Kamikōki,
For someone as cautious as me, a dating club full of beautiful women whose boundaries are made reasonably clear is heaven.
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I’m Hikōki, a male member.
Trust is essential for building a good relationship.
Especially with an A-type arrangement, I think it’s important to earn her trust. She shouldn’t have to do anything she dislikes. In the questioner’s situation, forcing a kiss or anything like that is completely out of the question.
He doesn’t even seem worth leaving on unread on LINE.
Also, unless you state things clearly, men are rather insensitive and will assume they’re 99% right in their own minds. I think it’s perfectly reasonable to be that cautious.
> When I was young,
> I firmly believed that
> “No woman ever comes to dislike herself because a man hit on her (or pushed her down), since hitting on someone means you like her.”
> Looking back, why on earth did I believe that?
Mac, this is incredibly insightful… You really captured the male mindset.
That feeling of self-affirmation from *We Married as a Job* is essential in everything, isn’t it?
> Kazu,
With a club, you can meet someone who comes along once every five or ten years in just ten days or so. It’s paradise—or rather, you’ve gone beyond paradise into outright cheat-code territory. In a sugoroku game, I wonder how many spaces you’d be skipping over…
Even with an A-type arrangement, on the very first day, you might share a kiss like something out of a drama—hugging as you part, reluctant to say goodbye, and already looking forward to seeing each other again. It feels remarkably close to a natural meeting, and it’s irresistible… (This is the kind of excitement you can only experience with an A-type, or essentially an A-type B-type arrangement. Some girls say that with A-type, they won’t even hold hands or get in a car, though…)
I never would have thought that Seattle-san’s idea of having more A-type arrangements might be the better approach. That really opened my eyes. I’m starting to think it might actually be preferable that way, since you could even go on dates every day.
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