Hello. I’m a divorced woman turning 34 this year. For the past three years, I’ve been seeing two men in their 50s through a dating agency.

I’m Saito, your column writer♪ I hope you find happiness that money can’t buy. That’s what papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is really supposed to be.

Universe Tokyo’s Mami here. I’ve personally experienced papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), marriage hunting, and mama-katsu, so I really empathize with what you’re going through. One possibility is that continuing your papa-katsu lifestyle may make marriage feel more distant, but I’m also glad to hear that it seems to have helped you become an even better woman. Papa-katsu is a relationship between a man and a woman entered with the understanding that it will eventually come to an end. As adults, I think it’s best to end the arrangement cleanly, without leaving any hard feelings. Meeting such a partner at 34 is nothing short of a miracle. I hope you can quietly make it to the finish line without getting caught. If it doesn’t work out, though, he’ll remain your backup guy（笑） It would also be nice if you could talk to your papas about marriage and raising children. For a certain period, your focus will probably shift away from papa-katsu and toward marriage and parenting. Since it’s difficult to balance both, you may need to part ways—but once things settle down, reach out to your papas again. They say women are reborn after giving birth, so the men they date may change as well. I also recommend not clinging to the fantasy that your husband will necessarily be with you for the rest of your life.

Maezawa from the CEO’s Office here. If you’re unsure, I think it would be best to make marriage your priority. With that in mind, you could also try talking to your current papa (a male supporter). He may congratulate you and give you a gift when you get married or have a child, and he may also be willing to offer advice if anything comes up. Apparently, some women continue seeing their papa after getting married, just for dinner. It seems their papas are okay with that, and I think there are probably a few men like that out there. (Though I can’t help wondering how that works when they’ll give her ¥100,000 just to meet up.) If he genuinely cares about her as a person, maybe things like that can happen.

I’m Flag Maker, a column writer. It’s hard to answer questions while playing in a park under the blazing sun. I misread it and gave the wrong answer^^; I think there’s a difference between a 29-year-old guy “considering marriage” and being “ready to get married and have children right away,” so I think it would be best to talk with him first about how he feels about that. Before you know it, six months later you could find yourself pregnant and married. That kind of development is possible too.

I’m date◎yume, a male member. In my case, I see marriage and papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) as “completely separate things.” However, since women tend to place greater importance on raising children, I agree with Rin-san that it’s probably best to take your time and think it through.

I’m Rin, a female member. I’m married with children, have a papa through a dating club, a boyfriend in real life, and absolutely adore my husband. As a member, I’d like to share my perspective. First of all… I don’t think pregnancy, childbirth, and raising a child should be taken lightly. Quite literally, you’re risking your life to bring a new life into the world, so the physical and emotional impact is greater than you might imagine. Also, if you’re a mistress with a child, it can take several years before you’re able to pursue an active lifestyle again. I suppose it might be manageable if you’re in a position to hire plenty of household help or babysitters, but even once your child starts kindergarten, you’re constantly dealing with fevers, vomiting, diarrhea, and one thing after another. I think things would be fine if your papa could understand that situation—including the pregnancy—for the next four or five years. According to some statistics, pregnancy, childbirth, and raising children—the major events of parenthood—are behind most couples becoming sexless. Even in the midst of all that, if the person closest to you, your husband, takes care of you, continues to love you, and cherishes you, you can remain happy for a very long time. It may be true that your relationship with your papa is currently your greatest source of purpose and happiness, but please try looking a little further ahead. Take another moment to think about how you want to live the rest of your life. Perhaps this is the time to carefully identify your true priorities. Someone as attractive as you will surely have many people who won’t be able to take their eyes off you as you become even more appealing with time—while enjoying being loved by your husband and sharing happy moments as a family alongside your child’s growth. Why not take your time and think it through, so you won’t have any regrets? One last thing… People may tell you not to be greedy, but I say it’s fine to be greedy—as long as you handle things skillfully. I’ve struggled with feeling greedy myself, but someone a dozen years older who truly cherishes me has embraced me and told me, “Be as greedy as you want. There’s nothing wrong with being adorably greedy.” P.S. From my student days through my single years, I had a papa with no physical relationship involved. But when I got married, I devoted myself entirely to my husband and child. A few months ago, I finally allowed my more open side to come out, and that’s how I became the over-40 member I am today.

It’s Joe here. I’m making an unusually early appearance. Right now, a young F-cup woman is sleeping beside me, her midriff exposed, breathing adorably. I find myself wondering whether she wants to get married too, but allow me to offer my humble answer. Perhaps the problem is that you’re trying to choose between only two options. From your post, it sounds as though you want to marry your younger boyfriend and have children with him, so perhaps that should come first. At the same time, you could keep the possibility of continuing your relationships with your papas in mind and try to find a balance. Of course, it won’t be easy, but choosing between two options can make you too short-sighted. You’ve been seeing your papas for three years, but it may be important to look at things in five-year stretches. The issue is whether your two papas will accept your choice. Marriage is one thing, but pregnancy and childbirth can’t be hidden. Generally speaking, I don’t think there are many men generous-minded enough to accept such a choice. This may or may not be helpful, but let me share a little of my own experience. The woman I’ve known the longest was my university classmate. We met when we were 18, so we’ve known each other for nearly 40 years. We’ve never been boyfriend and girlfriend, but we’ve had sex four times over the years. The first time was the day before her wedding—laughs. I still remember her telling me, “Now I feel ready to go through with the marriage.” (She eventually got divorced, though.) After that, she remarried and had a child, and there was even a period of more than five years when we had no contact. Despite all that, we still have a good relationship today. What I’m trying to say is that if you imagine where you might be five or ten years from now while giving your full attention to the matters in front of you, a new development may come your way. To Joe, that’s one of the real pleasures of life. One more thing: young men can very well become more skilled as they get older. More importantly, I hope you’ll keep that hip action of yours in good shape. According to my classmate, the key to making things work with a younger man is that “the way you use your hips matters.” She remarried a man seven years younger, so I think she speaks from experience.

I’m Paper Airplane, a male member. It doesn’t seem like there would be any problem with continuing your relationship with your papa as usual. Of course, it depends on the papa, but since you’re both married, the relationship may actually be more likely to last longer. I hope you get married soon and have children. Married life may also go more smoothly the second time around, since you can apply at least some of what you learned from your previous marriage. My longtime girlfriend has children as well, and her relationship with her husband is similar to yours. They’re not becoming closer in terms of how often they’re together or their compatibility—in fact, they’re gradually becoming more distant—so the relationship between the two of us is likely to continue for many years. Since she’s a homemaker, we can both meet quickly whenever we want, even if it’s only for a little free time, which makes it a very good relationship. We understand each other when it comes to sudden changes in her children’s health, as well as family and work circumstances, so neither of us has to worry too much. It’s very easy and comfortable. If you’d prefer to take a break from your papa for a while after getting married, I think it would be fine to continue meeting just for meals or advice. As long as you maintain the relationship, you could always bring back the intimate side of things several years from now. Perhaps once you no longer feel guilty about it—or when you feel you need the money. That may make it easier for your papa not to get jealous, since things will be different from when you were newlyweds, and the relationship may be easier to resume smoothly. As for age, from a papa’s perspective, if you have a good relationship now, it can remain almost unchanged no matter how old you get. In fact, the relationship can continue to grow in value and become more refined over time. Even I, Paper Airplane, who people assume likes college girls, have maintained relationships with my longtime girlfriends for more than 20 years. Even when they reach their 40s or 50s, their charm and the affection I feel for them don’t change—in fact, they gradually grow stronger, which is why the relationships have lasted. I think they’ll always seem just as they did when we first met.