I’m a female member. I really enjoy meeting men and regularly see different men at a pace of about two per week. Some of them have been seeing me for over a year, but I do have one concern.
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I feel extremely uncomfortable when a man asks me things like, “What are you doing right now?” or “Can I call you?” It feels like he’s stepping into my private life, and I find myself thinking that if he has time for that, he should just meet me instead.
I genuinely enjoy myself when I meet these men, but perhaps I’m not acting the part well enough after all. Have any of you had similar experiences?
Mamiya from Universe Tokyo here.
I’m also the type who feels that exchanging only the essential details about when to meet is enough, so I totally understand how unpleasant that can feel.
But mama-katsu with college students is different—they enjoy staying in touch constantly, even if it’s just about boring little things.
That said, I explain my communication style on the date itself. I tell them, “I don’t really check my phone, so people say I’m pretty dry.”
Hopefully, you can set some boundaries while continuing the relationship. Though honestly, I don’t think it’s likely to last very long...
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I’m Maezawa from the CEO’s office, and I’ll answer this one too.
> I can’t help thinking that if he has time to say that, he could just meet me instead.
I think you should tell him exactly that. If he also prefers meeting in person to messaging, he may suggest seeing each other more often.
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I’m date◎yume, a male member.
Sounds like he’s interested in you（笑）
> “I feel really uncomfortable with the things he says to me.”
If you don’t want to answer his calls, I don’t think you need to force yourself to. A relationship that feels like a burden isn’t enjoyable, after all.
Eventually, he’ll probably stop calling you on his own.
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I’m a male member who goes by “Paper Airplane.”
Wife: “Where are you going?”
Me: “?”
Me: “……”
She occasionally asks me this first thing in the morning—but only on days when I have a date.
If I answer once, I’ll have to keep answering from then on, so I’m stuck… completely flustered…
In your case, I think the only option is to ignore it so the other person loses interest in asking. After a year, it’s kind of cute that they still ask, so maybe just don’t worry about it and keep ignoring them… You could react once in a while, though. They’d probably be absolutely delighted.
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I’m a male member who goes by Seattle.
Phone calls are a hassle, so I don’t really make them. Men who pry into your private life may only be interested in you and not have many other women. In my case, I enjoy simply messaging lots of Type A and effectively Type B women on LINE, so I’m not possessive. I also try to keep my messages within a reasonable range—not to the point of bothering anyone (maybe one exchange every few days).
If a man makes you uncomfortable and isn’t bringing in any money, cut him off. If he is paying, just treat it as work and put up with it, pretending you’re a hostess who’s genuinely in love.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
I’ve never asked a partner, “What are you doing right now?” or “Can I call you?” but I tried to imagine how a man might feel when saying something along those lines.
He probably suddenly felt like talking to you. Those moments can come out of nowhere, which is probably why he sent you a message. What he wants is to talk right now. Meeting in person would be fine too, but he can’t exactly ask you to come to wherever he happens to be at that moment. So I think that’s why he asks, “Can I call you?”
I think it’s important to say that you don’t like something when you don’t like it. From the man’s perspective, he probably has no idea that such an innocent action is making you uncomfortable.
If you’re worried that telling him will cause the relationship to end, then I suppose you’ll have no choice but to put up with it. But again, I really do think it’s important to say when something bothers you.
**Update:**
After reading Seattle’s answer, I realized I hadn’t considered the possibility that he might be catching real feelings. (Personally, I’d assumed that genuine romantic feelings couldn’t happen in an allowance-based relationship.)
So if you feel that your partner may be genuinely falling for you, I don’t think you should rely on my answer. I have no idea how to deal with a partner who has developed real feelings.
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