I wanted to ask everyone’s opinion because I was a little puzzled about the allowance.
A man I usually go on lunch dates with (he isn’t a member here) invited me to dinner for the first time, and we decided to have sushi together soon. After making the plans, he contacted me again and said that because the meal would be expensive, he would like to reduce the allowance.
From my perspective, the man has the final say over the food and location. If he wants to reduce the allowance—to the point of changing an arrangement he made with me—I would rather he adjust things by changing the location or otherwise settle on a relationship that fits within his means (I apologize if that sounds rude).
How would the male members feel about a situation like this? And to the female members, how would you respond to this kind of development?
I’d appreciate your thoughts. Thank you.
I’m a male member, BB7.
> The man I usually go on lunch dates with (he isn’t a member here)
So this isn’t about Universe Club, then…
When you say “lunch dates,” do you mean dinner only (no intimacy)? Or is an adult relationship involved as well?
I’m not entirely sure what’s going on, but if your reaction is, “Are you kidding me? I’m not accepting a reduced allowance,” then that’s the right answer for you.
On the other hand, if you think, “Even with a reduced allowance, I’d be okay with it as long as he treats me to high-end sushi,” then that’s the right answer for you.
I’d say the split is probably around 9:1.
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Mamiyа from Universe Tokyo here.
Female members tend to think along the lines of: “If you’re asking me to drink a ¥1 million bottle of wine with you, I’d rather have a ¥10,000 bottle and get the remaining ¥990,000 from you.” So I’ll answer from that perspective.
For example, when asking a man for something, you might offer to reduce the amount yourself: “I’d love to stay at this luxury hotel, so you don’t need to give me transportation money today,” or “I’ll treat you to ramen for a change.” I think this may have been covered in a papa-katsu seminar…
In this case, perhaps the sushi restaurant turned out to be more expensive than expected and put her off. I hope you suggest a place that suits his means without it leading to a reduction in her allowance.
Being able to adjust to someone’s sense of money is also an important value when building a relationship.
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I’m Saito, a columnist ♪
> He said he wanted to reduce my allowance because the meal was expensive.
That’s so gross…
You’re better off dropping someone like that.
And he even treats the cost of the meal as a business expense—lol.
That’s the kind of man he is.
He might even be claiming his papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) membership fee as a business expense. LOL
I’m not sure how to put it, but with papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), it comes down to how much cash you actually have available to spend freely.
Even if someone has a high annual income or substantial assets, quite a few people don’t have much cash readily available right now.
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Maezawa from the President’s Office here, answering as well.
> What do the male members think about a situation like this?
I think he probably wants to take her out for something nice once in a while, but doesn’t have much financial leeway.
Because she’s the kind of woman who’s happy with places that fit his means, he probably wants to splurge occasionally for her.
And I think you, the questioner, would be happy with any allowance as long as you receive something. Perhaps what makes you happy is simply that he wants to see you—but that’s probably because he’s a good person.
If you don’t really care about the amount of the allowance, I think it would be fine to agree to a reduction. That would be one way of accepting his feelings as they are.
You may be thinking, “Huh? That’s different from your usual advice,” but I got the impression that what concerns you isn’t the allowance itself, but that you don’t want him to overextend himself. (Sorry if I misunderstood.)
If you want to gently discourage him, you could say something like:
“You didn’t have to push yourself like this, but I’m really happy.”
Then add, “Next time, somewhere more like our usual places is perfectly fine.”
He’d probably also be happy if you took some photos of the food.
By the way, when it comes to male members of Universe, many of them don’t like their dates taking photos of the food, so be careful. (笑)
Of course, if you agree to a reduced allowance, there’s a risk that the amount may be reduced from then on. But if he’s a good person, I imagine he’ll probably make this a one-time thing and pay you the usual allowance from next time onward.
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
That person is probably just tone-deaf when it comes to food and assumes expensive means delicious.
They probably have no idea how amazingly delicious a ¥198 serving of butter-fried spinach can be.
I just went to the supermarket with my daughter, and the spinach was sold out… I’d been thinking it seemed expensive lately, only to find out it was ¥198.
Market psychology = a housewife’s perspective ≒ a woman’s perspective—their delicate sensibilities.
In the ¥100 range → completely sold out
¥248 → left unsold
¥298 → pushed to a shelf in the corner and left unsold (Who’s going to buy something that expensive…?)
You want to buy it, but you can’t…
Understanding women’s delicate market psychology is important in everything.
Personally, I’d give her the money for the meal and go to Sushiro instead… I’d be much happier giving the money to the woman than spending it on the meal…
If you want to impress someone, you need to take her to a restaurant where the food is so good she can genuinely say, “This is the best I’ve ever had.” Unless it’s a special occasion, people aren’t impressed by the price alone. I have zero sense of humor, but I’m confident in my palate.
If the person asking the question isn’t even giving you the pleasure of choosing the restaurant—for me, having at least three options to choose from is part of the fun, even when someone suggests it—then I think it may be better to cut your losses.
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I’m Meg, a female member.
> “I found myself tilting my head a little…”
At that point, it sounds like you already know the answer deep down.
If I may, let me put your true feelings into words:
“Wait, what? Hold on! Why should my allowance be reduced just because we’re going out for a meal that’s only a little more expensive than usual? You don’t have to show off with the restaurant—just don’t cut my allowance!”
Ah, sorry if I’m off the mark.
Of course, you mustn’t say any of that out loud—not even a word.
If you’d like to keep seeing him, try changing the way you put it. For example:
“Going on a date somewhere I normally wouldn’t eat is lovely. It makes me happy that you’re being so thoughtful about the food. But I’m happy just to spend time with you. You don’t have to go to so much trouble—somewhere you can give me my usual allowance would be perfectly fine.”
How does that sound?
Note: Writing this, I’m starting to feel a little manipulative myself.
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I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member.
> Rather than reducing the allowance or changing our agreement, I’d prefer to make adjustments—such as changing the location—so that we can settle into an arrangement that’s within your means (I apologize for the insensitive wording).
I think you should simply tell him that directly. After that, it’s up to him how he decides to respond.
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I’m Basil, a male member.
Men are probably trying to appear more successful than they really are. Still, they want to enjoy the feeling of being pampered at nice restaurants.
If you have another papa, why not be upfront about it, even if you’re prepared to say goodbye?
If you don’t, or if you could accept a reduced allowance, it might be better to keep him around without rocking the boat. There may be men who offer even less than this.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
If it’s sushi you’d want to try even without an allowance, then go ahead and accept. If not, just turn it down. I was thinking, “Wow, there’s sushi that costs hundreds of thousands of yen for one meal?” Personally, I’d rather go by myself and enjoy some sushi than go with someone who wants to reduce the allowance. What is that guy trying to accomplish, anyway?
I’ll make you an offer and take you to a sushi restaurant myself（笑）
Adding a slightly more serious reply in line with what Mac was getting at:
There’s a business book titled, “Don’t Pick Up a 1,000-Yen Bill.” I haven’t read it, but the title came to mind. The idea of valuing personal connections is admirable in its own way, and the world is more interesting because it has all kinds of people. But if you ask what I would do, I still wouldn’t pick up a 10,000-yen bill that had somehow turned into a 5,000-yen bill. Once I know that people like that exist, that’s enough for me—I don’t feel the need to dig any deeper. There must be more meaningful ways to spend my time. Unlike money, time is a resource you can never get back. That’s why men who have money join dating clubs where they can buy time with money, and go on dates with women while giving them an allowance.
>Mac
I can’t imagine you being stingy with an allowance. Someone who’s stingy wouldn’t spend money on that magic-mirror-style vehicle（笑）
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