For dinner only, how many hours do you usually spend on the date?

Mamiya from Universe Tokyo here. For dinner-only dates, I’d say they usually last no more than three hours. A full-course meal can take around two hours, while à la carte or lighter meals are usually finished within two hours. If it’s just coffee or tea, an hour should be more than enough. We tell women to keep at least four hours free, even for a dinner-only date. If the conversation really takes off or they move on to a second place, like a bar, it can end up taking more than five hours—but we generally don’t recommend that for a first date. I recommend wrapping things up at that delicate point where you feel you haven’t quite talked enough yet, but the other person might be starting to get tired.

I’m Meg, a female member. It usually takes about two hours. If the conversation flows naturally back and forth, it can go smoothly. Otherwise, it becomes a painfully long time spent doing nothing but nodding along. I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that what kind of ball comes your way—or what you throw—and how you return it can change the course of your life afterward. It’s precious time.

I’m Rin, a female member. I’m not sure whether you mean the first meeting or after the relationship began, but for first meetings, I’m a B, so the length varied. Some ended after two hours, while others lasted four hours with dinner and conversation, or five hours after dinner followed by a drive to see the night view. In the end, I’m still seeing the men who didn’t make me feel tired or uncomfortable, even when we spent a long time together from the very first meeting. After the relationship began, it’s varied as well—an hour for tea, two hours for dinner, or even just 15 minutes for him to stop by and see me.

I’m Maezawa from the president’s office, and I’ll answer this as well. > For a first meeting, the club explains that it lasts four hours: two hours for a meal + two hours of private dating. With that in mind, the guideline for a dinner-only meeting should be two hours (and this is only a guideline), so I can’t help wondering: “Is keeping four hours open really a requirement?” It’s helpful when someone working at a branch answers questions like this, because it gives us a better idea of how things actually work. (笑) Of course, I suspect it’s not just the person who wrote that answer—most of the staff on the ground probably understand it that way. But still… As it says, “two hours for a meal + two hours of private dating,” the standard guideline for the time commitment is originally two hours. I know I’m repeating myself, but it’s only a guideline. The meal can finish in an hour, or it can take three hours. However, once the meal is over, it becomes private dating, so an allowance will generally be involved. If the two people can’t agree on the allowance or other terms, they are free to part ways. That’s what private dating means. Since it’s private dating, they might go to a hotel, visit an aquarium, or have another drink at a bar. But the basic premise is that both parties agree to continue seeing each other on those terms. Keeping four hours open applies when the allowance terms have already been agreed upon. For example, if the woman wants 50,000 yen for private dating but the man can’t pay that much, the basic arrangement is to part ways after the two-hour meal. So they would finish things after two hours. I believe the same applies whether the private dating involves going to an aquarium, a bar, or anywhere else. Of course, if the woman thinks, “This man is so wonderful—I’d like to have a drink with him at a bar even without an allowance,” then that’s private dating too. Generally speaking, when someone is concerned about how long they’ll be tied up, it usually means the woman wants to go home. In that case, they can discuss the terms for continuing the private date—going to a bar, visiting an aquarium, going for a drive, and so on（笑）—and if they can’t reach an agreement, they can simply part ways there. Incidentally, the emphasis on keeping four hours open started because some women began going on dates with only two hours available, then leaving after the meal by saying they had no more time. It was essentially a hidden B-type situation. There’s a world of difference, from the man’s perspective, between “we had time, but couldn’t agree on the terms” and “we never had any time to begin with, so the chance of continuing was zero,” even if the outcome looks the same. That’s why, if it comes to light that someone went on a date without keeping time available for private dating after the meal, they may be forcibly removed from the club.

I’m Kazu, a male member. I usually go to private-room Japanese restaurants, so I’d say the meal itself takes about an hour and a half. My regular place seems to serve all the dishes within about that time. A French dinner date with someone who had written that she preferred French cuisine lasted a little over two hours. She later told me, “When I wrote French, I meant casual French,” so I secretly thought, “Then you should’ve added ‘casual.’” With the women whose allowance expectations didn’t match mine, we parted ways after about two hours at the restaurant. With someone who intended from the start to just have dinner, we spent around two hours at the restaurant and then talked over tea for another two hours or so. It seemed she had also been thinking in terms of a four-hour slot. From the second meeting onward, I ask directly—not through the staff—what she wants to eat, so it depends on that. Sometimes we go straight to a hotel room and have room service. The duration is usually decided at the same time as we set the schedule. As an aside: I used to wonder why everyone wrote “meat and sushi,” but one woman told me that the staff had quickly decided for her, saying, “So, meat and sushi, then?” (laughs) Of course, there’s no denying that young people like meat, but lumping everything together as “meat” is pretty rough, isn’t it?

Aizawa, Sub-Chief of the Tokyo branch of Universe Club, here. That said, Paper Airplane has already covered everything, so I don’t have much to add. For a first meeting, the club explains it as four hours total: two hours for a meal plus two hours for an adult relationship (intimate). You might enjoy your meal and then decide to continue drinking at a bar, making it four hours. Or you may simply have dinner and part ways after two hours—it’s entirely up to the two of you. More broadly, once you’ve met, what happens next is up to the two of you. If both parties agree, you’re free to wrap things up after 30 minutes. However, I should clarify that the four-hour commitment is assumed, so one person cannot simply decide, “I’m not enjoying this anymore, so I’m leaving!” and leave solely based on their own feelings. After the second meeting, I imagine it depends on the nature of your arrangement, so I can’t say there’s one fixed rule. But unless you establish new terms yourselves, I think sticking to the same arrangement would be easiest to understand. P.S. Maezawa-san, I’m sorry for the confusion regarding the four-hour commitment. The premise when accepting an offer is that you keep the full four hours open. It’s fine if things end after two hours over dinner, but it means you can’t simply say, “I’m not enjoying this anymore, and I have plans, so I’m leaving!”

I’m Paper Airplane, a male member. Hmm… are you asking about the first meeting? For a first meeting, it usually lasts around two to four hours, though if either of you isn’t interested, you’ll probably part ways sooner. Right after meeting online, I may even go see someone for just 30 minutes or an hour over tea. Once we become closer, if time is tight, we might just do a meal for two or three hours—or sometimes go straight to a hotel. When we have plenty of time, even a meal-only plan can last six to eight hours, and sometimes, if I’m in the mood, we may end up going to a hotel afterward… If you want to keep the meeting shorter, you could set a later meeting time in the evening, or say that you have plans that night if you’re meeting during the day. It may also be important to make it clear that you’d like to spend as much time together as possible, even if only a little longer—and that you’re making an effort to do so.