I’m a married male member currently living away from home for work.

I’m Tetsu, a male member. Since this is the result of your own actions, you’ll ultimately have to take responsibility yourself, whatever the outcome may be. Looking at your past, I think the worst part was that you continued the relationship without really making any clear decisions. You say you love her and don’t want to destroy your family, but I suspect you never established any priorities. Since neither situation had caused problems, you probably just carried on in a comfortable, ambiguous state. Now that a problem has arisen, you’re panicking and worrying about what to do. If you continue as you have been, everything will remain half-hearted, and you’ll probably end up losing it all. The solution is to do something different from what you’ve done up to now. This may sound extremely cold toward the people involved—the pregnant woman and your family—but you need to decide clearly what you want to protect most, and then remain determined to protect that at all costs. To do so, you’ll have to be prepared to give up everything else. It will be extremely painful, but that is the responsibility that comes with the consequences of your past actions. Finally, your situation has resulted in something very serious. You haven’t brought happiness to a single person involved; instead, you’ve burdened them with unhappiness. That is pure selfishness. You need to change the way you’re living your selfish life—it only causes trouble for others.

I’m Marika, a female member. This is something I want to tell your girlfriend, not you: A man who leaves one woman for another will eventually find someone else besides you and get taken away again. That’s just the kind of man he is. But if he’s been diagnosed with male infertility, are you absolutely sure the child is yours? I have a friend who has a mistress arrangement paying her ¥400,000 a month, while also living practically part-time with another boyfriend. She said that if she had a child with him, she’d tell her benefactor it was his and get money from him. Please take a moment to calm down and act carefully.

I’m Flag Maker, a columnist. - Even the things that matter can be prioritized. - For the thing that matters most, you can let go of the thing that matters second most. This is the mindset I’ve always tried to value. In my case, my family comes first. Everything else—friends, hobbies, and so on—has already been cut out by my wife. Only recently was I finally allowed to get back into my hobby, pro wrestling. So naturally, my discreet activities through a dating club come after that. If anything happened to my family, I’d cut them off immediately. **Advice** Decide whether your wife or your mistress matters more. Continue the relationship with the one who matters most, and break things off with the other after giving her money such as compensation. I think trying to respect both relationships is difficult. If you’re the person who matters most to yourself, break up with both of them, clear the slate, and reflect on things alone.

I’m “Paper Airplane,” a male member. That’s exactly what happened in my case: my wife at the time had filed a request to prevent the marriage registration from being accepted. Even so, I went to greet her parents… The difference was that my wife didn’t know about her, and she didn’t know about my wife. Also, I only began dating her after I had told my wife I wanted a divorce, so I had already made up my mind, knowing that having a child was a possibility. Without either of them knowing about the other, I had the request withdrawn, finalized the divorce, and eventually made it all the way to the birth of our child. From the question, she sounds unbearably pitiful. Moving forward without any resolve. It’s incredibly self-centered. Whatever path you choose, once you’ve decided, move forward. If you make up your mind, women will follow you. Women want to believe in you, but if a man hesitates, what are they supposed to find comfort in? To be blunt, everything is decided by the man’s expression when she tells him she’s pregnant. Please remember what your expression was at that moment. She’s suffering because of that hesitant look on your face—the “What should we do?” expression. You need to resolve her pain, even if only a little, as soon as possible. Otherwise, she’ll keep carrying it with her. It’s not about what she wants or doesn’t want. She’s simply waiting for you, wanting to believe in you, wanting to follow you. She isn’t trying to overthink things—if you don’t make the decision, she’ll only feel responsible. First, you need to decide. Then you can think about what to do. How can you make things easy for yourself? You’re the one who has to shoulder this, not her. If you can’t bear that responsibility, you should stop asking questions and run away. > “Be considerate of her feelings…” More than anything, what she’s waiting for is your expression—your happy face. Wouldn’t she be happy if the two of you could live together? Even if the man is single, a woman still hesitantly asks, “Should I have the baby? Should I have an abortion?” But if she asks you and sees your reaction, there’s no way she can honestly answer from her heart… You’re the one who has to reassure her. P.S. To touch on the heart of the matter: The fact that you specifically mention infertility and that the child is definitely yours—things you didn’t need to write—means you’re having doubts, doesn’t it? You’re worried whether the child is really yours. In my case, the thought did cross my mind too—perhaps there was a few percent chance. But in your case, that doubt seems more like 97%. Even though my concern was only around 3%, it still never completely disappears. Even during a happy married life, there are moments when, while the women in the family are in the restroom at a restaurant, I find myself sitting silently with my son, becoming strangely conscious of the fact that there’s nothing to say. People tell me we look exactly alike, which reassures me, but every once in a while, the thought of “What if?” still crosses my mind. Even if, in my heart, I believe there’s no doubt at all, it’s difficult to feel completely certain. So even as my son grew through middle and high school, I found myself being somewhat careful whenever I spoke to him. At first it was something minor, but once that awareness exists, a small barrier—a kind of wall—in your heart gradually begins to form. It never completely disappears. Recently, my son came home with an A rating on the written portion of a major university mock exam. Seeing that he doesn’t normally study much, yet resembles me in that regard, I finally felt reassured that he really was my son, and the anxiety finally faded… But even then, that inner barrier can’t suddenly be erased or changed. It may remain for the rest of your life. How much can you love and trust someone with whom you never had an ordinary romantic relationship, where the connection began through an allowance and living expenses? And it’s not as though you were seriously dating with marriage in mind. To be honest, when she told you she was pregnant, haven’t you already found your answer? Can you really change that choice?

I’m Seattle, a male member. The person above has already laid out the options quite thoroughly. Please give money to everyone so we can all be happy. Any male member here should have enough generosity for that.

A confused man in his 60s. This story has so many similarities to my own past that, for a moment, I thought, “Wait—are they talking about me?” …lol > He had been diagnosed with male infertility. > It will unquestionably be my child. Given these contradictory facts, I can’t understand why you would make such a definite assumption. Anyway, do as you please—and take responsibility for whatever happens.

I’m Rin, a female member. As I kept reading, I’m sorry, but it all felt incredibly cliché. To the questioner: how pathetic. And as for your girlfriend… You’re both grown adults. You couldn’t even show the wife you live apart from the slightest consideration, doing whatever you wanted as much as you wanted. Putting on a self-righteous act now doesn’t change anything. You’re responsible for your own actions. You brought this on yourself. That’s all there is to it. I didn’t actually answer the question. Sorry. If you truly love each other, pay your wife a substantial amount in compensation and give her a fair share of the assets. Then, even if you’re left with nothing, propose to your girlfriend and protect her and “your child.” Why not just do exactly that? If she truly loves you, she’ll happily say yes, no matter what situation you’re in.

President Maezawa from the CEO’s office here. > I’ve fallen in love with her, and she loves me too. Hmm? If you love each other, then why not get married? Things would get complicated if you loved both her and your wife. But if you truly love them both, it seems best to continue seeing her as your mistress, acknowledge the child as your own, and support them for the rest of your life. You should also provide enough living expenses that she wouldn’t have to work if she didn’t want to. Of course, even if that’s what you want, things often don’t work out that way. But first, no matter what anyone else says, I think you need to firmly decide for yourself that this is how you’re going to make both of them happy.

I’m Hara, Chief of the Universe Club Yokohama branch. This is only my personal opinion, but regarding your dilemma, I believe you ultimately have to take responsibility for your own choices. ① If you want to cherish your current family and also hope the child you’re expecting with your mistress is born healthy, then you’ll need to make up your mind and continue treating your wife as you have until now, while financially supporting the other woman as a single mother so she won’t struggle— even if that means having no money left for your own leisure. It will be a difficult road, though. ② If you choose to prioritize your wife, please tell the other woman as soon as possible. Whether she decides to have the baby or terminate the pregnancy, I believe the sooner she knows, the better for her. ③ If you choose to prioritize the other woman, you can give whatever reason you feel is most appropriate, but I think you’ll still have to tell your wife that you want to separate. I’m not an expert on the laws surrounding divorce, so I may be mistaken, but you should be prepared for the possibility that you may need to provide her with some form of compensation. I’m not sure how helpful this was, but I sincerely hope things work out for the best.

Takai from Universe Club’s Yokohama branch here. ① If you absolutely don’t want to disrupt your family, you should explain that honestly to your partner. She can then decide whether to have the baby and become a single mother, or terminate the pregnancy. ② Divorce your wife and have and raise the child with your partner. I believe those are probably the two options. If she does have the baby in option ①, issues such as child support will also come up, so I think you should carefully consider the long-term consequences. I don’t think there’s an option where no one gets hurt. There may be many different opinions, but rather than simply following what you consider “common sense,” I think it’s best to reflect on the opinions that seem morally responsible to you and act accordingly. In the end, it’s your life. m(_ _)m I hope this is at least somewhat helpful.