How do you all spend your time after you’ve finished? Do you enjoy the afterglow, or do you quickly get ready to leave?
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I like lingering in the afterglow, lounging around, and chatting, but the woman I’m currently seeing wasn’t like this at first. Recently, though, she’s been taking a shower right away after we finish, getting dressed, and then sitting beside the bed or on a chair more and more often.
Am I right in taking this as a sign that she’s done what she came to do and wants to leave as soon as possible? It makes me feel deflated, as if she’s telling me, “You should hurry up and take a shower too,” so I’m considering ending things.
The woman I met recently didn’t rush to shower afterward, and I really liked that about her. But is that just something people do at the beginning? After meeting a few times, do they usually start showering right away?
Answered by Orihara, Chief of Universe Club’s Sendai branch.
When you’ve only just met, pillow talk can help rekindle the mood and feelings between you.
As you continue seeing each other over time, you may grow closer and become able to understand each other’s feelings even in a short amount of time.
Of course, it may also come down to the other person’s personality—or perhaps their feelings have grown distant.
Sometimes, what each of you wants simply doesn’t align. If you feel that you’re no longer a good match, it may be best to look for someone else.
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I’m Maezawa from the CEO’s Office, and I’ll answer as well.
This may be the case, but could it be that after things were over, you took some time to enjoy the afterglow, then quickly got yourself ready and made her wait while she changed?
Women often take a little longer, what with doing their hair and so on.
If she felt bad about making you wait that time, she may have started getting ready earlier so she wouldn’t keep you waiting next time.
If that sounds familiar, perhaps after things are over, you could say, “Let’s take it a little slower.” Then let her get ready first, and get ready yourself once she’s finished.
Of course, it’s also possible that her feelings have started to fade and she simply wants to leave as soon as possible.
I don’t know what the cause is, but it might be worth trying to address it somehow.
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
I manage my time properly and make sure to set aside time for pillow talk. Since pillow talk matters more to me than the act itself, I shorten the intimate time if we’re running short on time.
I suspect that even if you blame the woman, you’ll just end up repeating the same pattern.
During pillow talk, are you saying annoying things like, “Did you enjoy it?” or “How was it?” Are you making sure she’s having a good time during pillow talk?
What you should be concerned about is your own approach. Sorry for the harsh comment.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
It depends on my schedule and how I’m feeling at the time. Pretty selfish of me, huh? lol
If I have a tight schedule that day or I’m going through a busy period and don’t have much mental space, I just want to take a quick shower, put my underwear on, and head home.
If I have more time to spare, I feel like lounging around and chatting afterward.
I can understand taking a quick shower, but if she gets dressed, it feels like she’s signaling that she wants me to leave soon.
If that happened several times in a row, I’d probably start thinking about ending things—or just gradually fade out.
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I’m Gaku, a male member.
Isn’t it different for everyone? Some men like to cuddle and be affectionate, while others switch gears and move on right away.
I prefer taking things slowly, so I look for and date women who feel the same way.
Age doesn’t really matter. I’ve met younger women who wanted to stay close the whole time, and women in their forties who said, “Don’t touch me once we’re done.” It all depends on how well you click.
People generally don’t change that easily, so with papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), if you feel like someone isn’t right for you, I think it’s best to look for someone else.
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I’m Rin, a female member.
I generally don’t date someone who wants to leave immediately afterward, but the amount of time we spend together and how we spend it varies depending on the person.
With someone close to my age who I can relax with, even if we’re exhausted, we’ll cuddle until we recover, watch TV together, have a light snack, get a massage… and sometimes end up going for a second round, or decide it’s time to head home.
With someone who leaves me unable to stand, we just stay cuddled up together until we’ve both recovered.
Maybe that’s because I’m older. I’ve heard younger women can be more detached.
Either way, if someone immediately showers and gets dressed, it might mean a second round is out of the question, they want to leave as soon as possible, and they’d be happy to go shopping instead…
(Didn’t someone ask a long time ago about how, once the “gong” of climax rings, it’s all over…?)
Sorry if that’s just my prejudice.
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I’m Himiko, a male member.
I generally assume that what men want is pretty much the opposite of what women want.
If a woman wants to lounge around and chat, I’ll do that, but I’ve never met a woman who wanted to spend that kind of “wasted” time. Maybe men’s idea of relaxing and women’s idea of being all cuddly and affectionate are two different things.
There are men who can switch to a completely different topic as soon as they’ve finished, and women for whom that’s when the important part begins…
Occasionally is fine, but when it happens every time, even with a romantic partner, it can feel empty when she times it just right and rushes off to take a shower.
Afterward, I usually either lie completely still and continue savoring the afterglow, or quickly get dressed and go out for something delicious so we can enjoy spending time together.
If you want to enjoy a conversation, why not talk while you’re both taking in the afterglow? Also, getting dressed and finding somewhere you can both enjoy some private time might help the relationship last longer.
If you’re looking for dates and something close to a romantic relationship, relaxing together can be nice once in a while. But women tend to make much more effective use of their time than men do, so I feel that they’ll gladly spend as much time with you as you want if it’s fun and leaves them feeling energized.
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