I’m a male member, and the woman I was with kept saying it hurt.
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Of course, I wasn’t being rough.
Maybe it was because she was about to start her period—she started by saying her nipples hurt...
I find myself being more careful than when I’m with a completely passive woman.
I’d like to show her how enjoyable sex can be, but what should I do?
It seems like I’d have to take quite a lot of time with her.
Is this the kind of sex women around their early twenties have these days?
I’m a male member, BB7.
You say you weren’t rough, but even if a man thinks he’s touching normally, it can still feel quite forceful to a sensitive woman.
I’ve heard from several women that there are men like that.
On the other hand, some women may say it hurts because they’d rather not have sex if possible, want it over quickly, don’t want to be treated casually, don’t want to feel anything, or simply find it unpleasant. I’ve met women like that in the adult entertainment industry.
> “I want to show her how good sex can be.”
Hmm, I wonder about that.
Some women don’t respond to technique alone—they can only enjoy it when there are genuine feelings involved. She may simply be the type who can’t find it pleasurable unless it’s with a man she truly likes.
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Maezawa from the President’s Office here, answering as well.
> Are women around 20 these days really having sex like this?
I think that’s pretty unusual. Most people probably have fairly normal sex.
I don’t know what the reason is in this case, but rather than viewing her as an intimate partner, I think you should decide whether to continue seeing her based on whether you enjoy going out for meals and dates together.
> I want to teach her how enjoyable sex can be.
If that’s how you feel, it may be worth trying, but I have a feeling it won’t be easy.
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I’m Fuu, a male member who writes columns.
As I mentioned in my column, I’ve had experiences similar to yours.
I may be a bundle of lust under the skin of a gentleman, but since I’m wearing such a thick “gentleman” disguise, I’m gentle when it comes to intimacy.
That said, I’ve met girls who said things like:
“Nipples are too sensitive, so that’s off-limits.”
Or:
“Nothing above the neck—no licking or kissing either.”
I don’t have the confidence or technique to teach girls like that how enjoyable intimacy can be, so I just chalk it up to bad luck and make offers to other girls.
Even among women in their twenties, you can meet a lovely girl who gives you incredible, dreamlike intimacy. ^_^
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I’m Rin, a female member.
Some people are extremely sensitive, and psychological factors may also be involved.
From a man’s perspective, something may cause pain even if it isn’t rough or forceful.
There are also cases where the two people are simply physically incompatible, no matter what they do. So it may be best to carefully pay attention to the woman’s reactions and feelings.
Back when I was a student, I knew a couple whose relationship ended sadly because the girlfriend would develop what’s commonly called a rash whenever her boyfriend’s sweat or bodily fluids got on her. Even antihistamines didn’t help.
It wasn’t anyone’s fault, but I’ll never forget the look on the boyfriend’s face when he wanted to touch her—even with gloves on—but saw her breaking out in bright red rashes one after another.
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I’m Flagmaker, a column writer.
It’s hard to know whether she dislikes being touched and is pretending it hurts, or whether it genuinely hurts even though it doesn’t seem like it should.
That said, the only places you can focus on aren’t the nipples and private parts. You could start with areas around them, or the back—places that don’t hurt.
A lot of men seem overly fixated on nipples and private parts, so I wanted to offer that advice just in case.
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I’m Hikokibune, a male member.
Even if you take your time, it may only make the period of discomfort and endurance longer.
Caressing doesn’t work, toys are out of the question, and even if you manage to relax her, the pain comes back after a while… It sounds like relying on a vibrator may be the only option.
It seems like it could take a considerable number of years before you truly become one…
Also, if you ask her, she might have her own particular style.
P.S. There was a woman in her 20s for whom even a finger was painful, and who had so many specific demands that it was nothing but suffering. She eventually learned to climax properly—but only after more than ten years had passed, when she was in her mid-40s. Then she started saying, “We’re really compatible.” But if it took that long, from my perspective we obviously had terrible compatibility… Still, in terms of tightness, she was the best, both before and after. That changed after she gave birth, though…
Rather than focusing on how enjoyable sex is,
it might be enough simply to help ease her pain and sense of obligation.
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I’m a male member from Seattle.
If she hasn’t had sex in a while—or if you’re particularly well-endowed—it’s not unusual for it to hurt.
I’d recommend bringing some lubricant from a drugstore.
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