A question for the women.
How much time do you generally set aside when meeting your papa (a male supporter) for the second time and beyond?
A question for the men.
The papa I was meeting for the second time suggested going out to dinner after having lunch and getting intimate. At a restaurant in a five-star hotel, no less...
I don't want to sit down to a meal in front of other people right after being intimate with someone, looking like I was just with him. What do you think of feeling that way?
I might feel differently if we'd met many times and become extremely close, but...
I told my papa, “If we relax in a room after lunch, I'd prefer to skip dinner. I'm sorry.” In response, he said, “It gives me the impression that you make demands but have no interest in what I want. I thought I'd met a wonderful woman...”
I’m Meg, a female member.
I completely understand how you feel.
That said, it sounds like the way you expressed yourself this time may not have been ideal… Words can be difficult, can’t they?
From now on, perhaps it would help to imagine how you could phrase things in a way that would make this person happy before saying them.
As Itsu-Mii-sama said:
> Even when you use the same words, they can give a completely different impression when said face-to-face versus written in LINE, where they can be read over and over.
Exactly.
Since I’m naturally only able to spend limited time with my male supporters,
the thought of being able to spend so much time together feels like a dream…
The longest date I’ve had so far was four hours, on our very first date.
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Joe here, chiming in late.
As several people have already pointed out, the wording could perhaps have been a little more carefully thought out. That said, I think the questioner’s reply was basically fine.
However, I believe the real lesson from this experience isn’t about choosing your words more carefully—it’s realizing that many male members get sulky over the slightest thing.
I get sulky easily too. I mean, I get LINE messages saying, “Would it be okay if I went and got held by Mr. XX now?” When I ignored that, I received another message saying, “I figured you were sulking, so I came to tease you,” and that put me in a better mood. Silly, right? But that’s just how we are.
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I’m It’s Me, a male member.
I think he probably meant well and wanted to create a surprise.
Your reason for declining is perfectly understandable. If all you said was, “I’ll pass on spending the night. I’m sorry,” he probably thought he’d been rejected and felt pretty deflated. It’s just one of those classic guy moments where he didn’t realize something that’s obvious to women. Haha.
When you’re trying to convey your feelings, you have to carefully choose the right words and the best way to say them. Even with the exact same wording, saying it face-to-face gives a completely different impression from sending it via LINE, where the other person can read it over and over. Since this is only your second time meeting, it’s better to be cautious unless you’ve already established a solid relationship.
How about honestly telling him, “I can’t help feeling self-conscious about my makeup and hair being messed up afterward. I was genuinely so happy about the surprise, so I’m really sorry.”
He’ll learn from it, and his pride won’t be hurt. If he’s perceptive, he’ll realize that his strategy was a misstep.
That would probably make his heart flutter more than saying, “I don’t want to have dinner in front of other people looking like I’ve just been intimate with someone.” Haha.
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Maezawa from the CEO’s office here.
> I can understand if we had met many times and become extremely close, but...
Men often feel that they’ve become close once they’ve entered an adult relationship (intimate). And because they like you, they may even want to spend money on treating you to dinner.
That said, since your reason this time was more along the lines of, “Is that really a reason?” I think you should have simply explained your feelings honestly.
If you told him, “I don’t want to have a meal in front of other people looking like I was just intimate with someone,” he might have thought:
“I didn’t realize some people see it that way... In that case, I can understand.”
Then he might have suggested, “How about we have dinner first and go to the room afterward instead of having lunch?”
Of course, if he strongly wanted to spend a long time together, he might have responded differently. But I think men are less likely to feel offended when given a reason they can understand.
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I’m a male member, BB7.
“I’m sorry, but if we relax together in a room after lunch, I’d rather not meet again in the evening.”
I’m not sure whether you wrote those exact words or said them in person, but if you sent that message as-is by LINE or email, some men might find it cold, overly businesslike, or feel like they were being brushed off.
If you had explained your reasons and feelings a little more thoughtfully, he might have been more understanding.
Of course, it also depends on whether you’re the type who treats your time as something to be exchanged for compensation, or the type who wants to spend time together without worrying about the clock.
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I’m a male member.
If a woman is going somewhere reasonably nice, she has various things to prepare, so I think it was simply a polite way of declining. You really don’t need to worry about it.
Men like me who don’t usually get much attention from women tend to be bad at inviting them out—or rather, we don’t understand women’s feelings—so I think he just reacted defensively.
I’m also a male member, and everyone spends different amounts of time together.
Some girls want to leave right after things are over, while others have stayed with me for nearly 20 hours from the very first meeting and spend the night every time.
I personally prefer meeting girls who are comfortable spending a relatively long time together, so I look for someone who’s okay with that. But there’s no point in meeting if she’s not enjoying it, so I never force anyone.
So if you and your partner are both comfortable with the amount of time you prefer, and you can have a mutually satisfying relationship, then whether it’s a short time or a long time is entirely up to you.
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I’m a female member named Rin.
Maybe this was just a lack of communication. The man probably should have said more if he wanted to keep a woman he liked with him for a long time to earn a five-star rating.
That said, I also feel the wording used to turn down the arrangement could have been a little kinder. Something like, “Thank you! I’m really happy. It’s such a lovely restaurant, so next time I’d love for you to take me there dressed up nicely…” would have been better, I think—especially if she wanted to continue seeing him.
Judging from the man’s reply, it sounds like he was offering the allowance she had asked for. Yet somehow, he still ended up feeling dissatisfied. Perhaps his thinking was, “I’m giving you a generous allowance, so of course you should stay with me as long as I want.”
Their feelings were completely out of sync, so I think it would have been best for her to clearly communicate what she could do and what she couldn’t—or simply didn’t want to do.
As for your question: it depends on the person, but I don’t mind spending four or five hours—even at a hotel—with someone I can relax and have fun with.
When I first started seeing someone, we usually spent two or three hours together, adjusting to the man’s preferences and the atmosphere while confirming what we both wanted.
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