Sometimes I can relate, and other times I find myself thinking, “Huh?” I enjoy reading everyone’s an...

Question

Sometimes I can relate, and other times I find myself thinking, “Huh?” I enjoy reading everyone’s answers every day. Now, I’ve been a member for two years and have met around 100 women. My purpose in doing this may sound inappropriate, but it’s simply to pass the time. I hardly ever pursue an adult relationship (intimate). Even so, there have been two women who genuinely developed feelings for me. I had to part ways with the first due to personal circumstances, and I’m currently seeing the other one. She voluntarily left the club after she began seeing me, but she never asked me to do the same, and five months went by. Then, completely out of the blue, she recently told me she wanted me to quit the club. She had found out that I was still arranging first meetings. She said that if we were going to continue seeing each other, she wanted me to show her the email confirming my withdrawal. Since this was only a way to pass the time for me, I continued arranging meetings at the same pace as before, without really thinking anything of it, even while seeing her. However, I don’t have the confidence to keep making excuses and hiding my arrangements from her, and I’m not good at lying. So I feel that continuing my club activities will be difficult if I want to stay with her. I could simply withdraw for now and rejoin if we break up, but I still have points worth about the price of a Prius left. Thinking about throwing them away leaves me with a complicated, unsettled feeling. It’s not that I consider her less valuable than a Prius, but I wanted to hear everyone’s opinions—from both men’s and women’s perspectives—about whether I’m being stingy or pathetic. I’m sorry to bother you with such a trivial lovers’ quarrel, and thank you in advance for your responses.

BB7 · Answer

I’m BB7, a male member.

Could it be that things were well balanced because you had one woman you were genuinely serious about, along with many others you weren’t seriously involved with?

If you quit, you’ll lose your way to pass the time and may start feeling bored. Then you might find that seeing just one woman isn’t enough.

フラグメーカー · Answer

I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.

As the questioner said, a dating club is for killing time and having fun.

Why should you have to let a woman you met there dictate limits on your activities? Especially when you’re already giving her an allowance? ^^

I think one of the great things about dating clubs is that you can safely enjoy the experience of breaking things off. So why not try enjoying the breakup?

I know you don’t really want to end things. But even with a woman like that, you cut her off cleanly with a decisive “snap.”

Then you go alone to a lonely bar.

That’s the kind of gentleman I admire.

西中 恵 · Answer

I’m Meg, a female member.

Maybe I’ll come out of my inactive status and make my profile visible again just to kill some time~

Then maybe the person who posted the question will send me an offer♪

On the other hand, I’m over here nervously wondering when I’ll be asked to leave!

It’s a real balancing act.

Good luck (*＞∇＜)ﾉ

前澤 · Answer

Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here as well.

> Actually, I still have enough points left to buy a Prius.

I thought a Prius cost around ¥3 million, so I wondered if anyone could really have that many points. But when I looked into it, I found someone with roughly the equivalent of a used Prius—just under ¥2 million—in points.

Would you give up the points to be with that person, or give up on the person instead?

Love is being put to the test...

If you’re willing to throw away the equivalent of a Prius for that woman, there’s something romantic about that in its own way.

As an aside, if you proposed something like, “If I come back within a year, could my points remain valid? After a year, I’ll give up on them,” I’d accept that myself. But I’d have to ask the staff member in charge what they think.

Basically, once you withdraw, your points expire.

あかり · Answer

I’m RIN, a female member.

I don’t know your ages or the nature of your relationship, so even if you say you’re serious, I’m not quite sure what you mean.

Proof that you’ve left the club… that’s pretty heavy too. And getting caught making offers to someone else… well, that was another mistake.

If you want each other to feel like “You’re the only one for me♡,” then I think you should handle things more smoothly. If you keep it well hidden, and you’re not actually having an adult relationship with anyone else, you won’t have the added problem of catching anything. So I think you should do whatever feels right to you.

There is someone I really like and think about often, too, but I keep clear boundaries while still accommodating the man’s wishes—whether that means taking a break or leaving the club altogether.

This may not really answer your question, but I think it ultimately comes down to what “serious” means to both of you, and what you decide for yourself.

伊達◎ゆめ · Answer

I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.

It’s simple: I think she wants you to stop repeatedly sending her offers. Just stop making offers.

Even if you leave, rejoining will only lead to the same situation.

バジル · Answer

I’m Basil, a male member.

Even if you say you’re serious, she’s still just a woman you met through the club. With this many points left, you can find plenty of replacements, so I’d stick with the club.

And asking her to show you her withdrawal email feels pretty heavy-handed. That alone would put me off.

For now, just keep dodging the issue vaguely. If she presses you again, you can decide then.

In the meantime, request as many secret arrangements as possible and use up your points.

いっつ・みぃ · Answer

I’m Itsu-Mee, a male club member.

> She found out that I was still arranging dates.

Yeah, that was the mistake—letting her find out. lol

Since she knows now, try talking it through with her:

“What’s wrong with continuing to enjoy myself by passing the time?”
“Why is it bad that I almost never enter into an adult relationship (intimate)?”
“Even if I do, it’s just a way to pass the time. Why is that bad?”
“But my relationship with you is serious!”

If she still can’t understand, I suppose you have three choices:

1. Leave the club and choose her.
2. Break up with her, stay with the club, and find someone else.
3. Pretend you’ve left the club and continue dating her.

But if she’s already asking you to show her the acceptance email proving that you left, she may continue questioning you about things in the future. Can you handle that?

Still, if you have that many points, I can see how your judgment might get clouded. If you’re going to leave the club, use them all up before you do.

紙ひこうき · Answer

I’m a male member, Paper Airplane.

If you’re serious about her, I think the best thing to do is keep your relationship with her separate from the way you use the club to pass the time.

I don’t think you’ll ever be able to quit seeing women through the club just because you’re dating her.

All men are basically like Watanabe.

If you’re serious, you should be able to explain to her what makes her special. I’m sure she’ll believe you. (Women want to believe men… just like Watanabe’s wife did…)

I also think the club will see the fact that you’ve accumulated that many points as proof that it’s simply a way for you to pass the time.

Rather than finding a serious affair outside the club, she’ll probably feel less worried if it remains a financial relationship through the club.

That said, this only applies if you’re both serious about each other…

P.S. If the woman I consider my top favorite asked me to quit in the same way, I would give up my points and leave the club. I only have about a third as many points as you do, though… Besides, I bought them knowing that they could disappear if Universe happened to shut down during the festival.

The reason I’d quit is that I know there’s no replacing someone with whom I can talk about everything, who I feel completely comfortable with, and with whom everything in our lives seems connected.

We’re still figuring out our physical chemistry, so it isn’t perfect yet. But wherever we go and whatever we do, we have fun—even unsatisfying sex is still enjoyable…

ジョー・ルビコン · Answer

It’s Joe.

Of course it’s petty—and yes, rather unmanly. But Joe can relate. Why? Because Joe is petty and unmanly too.

Unfortunately, only you can decide whether to leave. Still, if Joe’s empathy helps you finally make up your mind, then perhaps that’s a good thing. Why not spend just one night agonizing over it, writhing in torment?

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