A certain man took a strong liking to me, and for nearly a year he supported me with a lot of money and gifts. Even when I wasn’t feeling well and didn’t want to go to a hotel, he said that was fine, and he still gave me a lot and continued to support me even without intimacy.
However, he discovered some lies I had told him—such as the fact that I have a boyfriend and several other papas (male supporters)—and became disillusioned and very hurt. It seems that what shocked him wasn’t so much the facts themselves as the fact that I had lied to him.
He was someone who sincerely supported my dreams, so I simply feel guilty for hurting him. However, now that things have turned out this way, I’m afraid to go to a hotel with him. I keep thinking that if I did, he might lose his temper and do something frightening, so I can’t bring myself to go.
I know it’s selfish, but I considered running away and ending our relationship. Even so, he still tells me that meeting without going to a hotel is fine and that I should do my best, and continues to think about me and support me in various ways.
We both know each other’s names and addresses, so at this point, when I think about what will happen to this relationship in the future, I can’t even imagine it and don’t know what to do…
I know this is the result of my own actions. I would appreciate your opinions on how I should behave from now on.
I’m Marika, a female member.
“I’m sorry for lying to you. Now that you know the truth, I can’t continue seeing you. I’m truly grateful for everything you’ve done. Thank you.”
If he still can’t forget you after that, the papa (male supporter) may ask if you can meet again. If that happens, does that mean it’s officially approved!?
If he can’t forgive you, you’ll end up parting ways—but that can’t be helped.
If he asks you to cut everyone else off and be exclusive with him, you’ll have to decide for yourself what to do.
If you choose to continue seeing the others and lie to your papa (male supporter) again, you’ll need to be extremely careful, naturally.
P.S.
Mac’s paraphrase is excellent.
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
I agree with what the gentleman known as “Zekkyō Papa-katsu Gentleman” said.
In this case, I don’t think having a boyfriend is a problem at all, and having other papas probably wouldn’t be a major issue either. (Though I suppose it depends on what kinds of lies you’ve told him up to now...)
You can probably get a sense of that from the way your relationships with your previous papas have gone, can’t you?
It may depend on the papa, but even if he knows your name and address, I don’t think that’s necessarily a problem. Most papas probably wouldn’t harass you over something like that. After all, they’re generally in a position where they can’t afford to cause trouble in various ways.
When you’re involved with someone, all kinds of things happen. I think it would be better to view this situation as an opportunity for your relationship with your papa to develop into something new. More broadly, I believe this is how relationships between people are built.
Of course, you may get slapped from both sides, so to speak, or the relationship may come to an end. Either way, though, I recommend that you not run away and instead try to build a new relationship with your papa.
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I’m Basil, a male member.
I think he’ll eventually be the one to end things with you.
You may have been the only woman he was seeing up until now, but I’m sure she’s woken up to the reality of this world.
Even if she was somewhat shocked, flying into a rage at a hotel would be incredibly conceited. She presumably has a certain position to maintain, so she wouldn’t do anything that foolish.
He’s probably supporting you as someone to keep around while he looks for someone else.
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I’m BB7, a male member.
Lying that you’re going to marry someone in order to get money out of them is marriage fraud.
But if you lie that you don’t have a boyfriend or a papa and take their money, is that dating fraud?
If the other person genuinely believed you had neither a boyfriend nor a papa and supported you on that basis, then all you can do is apologize and put an end to it.
But if you still intend to keep taking their money, don’t casually say things like, “I’m scared to go to a hotel” or “I feel guilty…”
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I’m a confused woman in my 60s.
Huh? What’s the problem?
He’s supporting you, isn’t he?
Some of my girls have boyfriends who know about it, and some even have husbands who approve... lol
P.S.
From what I can gather, your papa seems to have a bit of a submissive streak.
You might even be able to say something like, “Do you really think you alone can satisfy me?”... lol
If he’s the kind of papa who “wholeheartedly supports your dreams,” then as long as you continue pursuing them, I don’t think his desire to support you will change.
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Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here as well.
> What should I do going forward?
I think you should try going to a hotel together.
He may have been shocked and angry when he realized you had lied, but that was probably just in the moment, and I think things have returned to normal by now.
I don’t think he’ll lose his temper when you go to a hotel, but you’re the one who knows that best. Think back to how he’s acted in the past and whether he’s the type to fly off the handle.
If he seems safe, he may be a little more suspicious of you from now on, but I think you can continue seeing each other as before.
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
The problem is telling lies that can be found out.
If things have come to this, how about turning it around and saying something like:
“I have a boyfriend and other papas, but you’re the only one who knows everything about me.”
If you give him that special position, maybe he’ll be satisfied with it.
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Joe here. This is more of a personal comment than an answer.
When I first read this, I wondered, “Is there really any reason to feel guilty?” In my opinion, guilt is the least appropriate emotion here. As Mac said, you can just brush off overly nice men. You say you’re “genuinely supporting” him, and perhaps that’s how it feels within the relationship between the two of you—but to an outside observer, it’s laughable. No, I’m not making fun of you. I simply mean that this is a very common story.
As long as you feel guilty—and as long as you’re uncomfortable with going to a hotel—I think there’s only one conclusion to draw.
Sorry for rambling on with my nonsense.
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I’m female member Rin.
Hahaha. Sorry, but you’re way too wrapped up in yourself.
“Did I hurt him because he found out I was lying…?”
You’re probably scared he’ll turn into one of those enraged papas you hear about in the news.
With such a naïve resolve, you must have skillfully played the part of “I was deceived—my dream is ruined♡ Isn’t it tragic?” to your boyfriend and your papas, and managed to get money out of them.
So why not keep playing the role to the very end? Tell your boyfriend you have an older stalker and let him protect you. Then you can leave your kind papa behind.
But since you’re still receiving support, you can’t do that—which is why you’re asking this question.
For a self-absorbed heroine, you’re simply not up to the role.
Even a young, promiscuous girl should show a little more respect for the other person.
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I’m Hikoki, a male member.
Based on the question alone, it doesn’t sound like the man is angry, does it?
If that’s the case, I don’t think having a boyfriend or another papa would necessarily be a major issue.
You could probably continue things as before.
However, it seems the questioner’s feelings have changed considerably, and if that’s the case, the man’s feelings are likely to change as well. In that situation, it would probably be better to end things sooner rather than later.
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