I’m a male member who goes by Paper Airplane.
Women join for free, and even if they stand you up on the day, all that happens is that they’re removed from the club—they don’t lose anything at all.
That’s why confirming the date the day before is a good system.
It’s the exact opposite for men, who are the ones paying the money: women have absolutely nothing to lose.
I’ve only been stood up once on the day of the meeting through the club, and aside from that, I haven’t had any cancellations.
I’ve never had a second or subsequent date canceled either. A few times, the date was postponed and we met later, and we’ve continued seeing each other many times since.
I’m Basil, a male member.
I’ve been canceled on the day before a date several times. Women can be fickle, or get nervous when it’s their first time.
With same-day cancellations, you may have to pay the restaurant’s cancellation fee, and your travel time is wasted, so I think this is a good system.
The only time I’ve canceled the day before was when I came down with a cold.
Even after the second meeting, some women seem to get nervous about starting a serious relationship—or perhaps they find another man more appealing—and I’ve been stood up at the last minute several times.
I’ve decided to just accept that this is how it goes.
Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here as well.
> Is the system in place because there used to be a lot of last-minute cancellations—or rather, cases where people simply forgot?
I don’t know whether it was introduced because that happened so often in the past, or whether it was built into the system from the beginning. But dates are sometimes arranged two or even three weeks in advance. In cases like that, women may receive offers from multiple men.
For example, after deciding on a date for next Wednesday at 6:00 p.m., she may receive a message saying she has a new offer for the Monday after next at 7:00 p.m.
She replies, “I already have plans on Monday at 7:00, but Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday would work.”
Then she gets another message saying, “A new offer has come in for Wednesday at 7:00 p.m. the week after next.”
She may also receive messages saying things like, “Please confirm Thursday.”
Then, just when she thinks Wednesday at 7:00 p.m. has been finalized, she’s told, “A new offer has come in for the Monday after next.”
Thinking, “But I already said Monday wasn’t possible,” she replies, “I have plans on Monday, but Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday would work.”
She’s then told, “Thursday, please,” and replies, “Understood.”
Later, a staff member tells her, “Wednesday was already set as a date, wasn’t it? I mentioned the other available days to the man, and he asked whether Thursday would work.”
At that point, she’s left wondering, “Which man is this Thursday date with? I can’t even see his photo.”
That’s how confusing things can become, and from the woman’s perspective, it’s honestly exhausting.
You might think forgetting a date is unacceptable, but the system is designed in a way where it’s somewhat understandable that people may lose track of things.
I assume the confirmation the day before is intended to prevent that.
Incidentally, the matchmaking industry also uses a day-before confirmation system. It seems to be standard across the entire matching industry.
> I feel that promises made through a club are treated rather lightly.
This may sound a little harsh, but I don’t think women forget plans with someone they genuinely want to see again.
If you feel that your arrangements are being treated lightly, it may be because you’re being forgotten. That could mean the first date wasn’t very enjoyable for her, or that there was some other issue.
With that in mind, I think it would be worth considering what you can do to make women happier on the first date and putting some effort into improving that experience.
I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
I assume the reason the dating club confirms appointments the day before is because some people have forgotten. I occasionally forget things too—not just dates—so I think the reminder is a good practice.
That said, I’ve never had a cancellation at Gorakubu, including cancellations the day before.
For second dates onward, I make sure to exchange at least one email each day, so neither I nor my partner has ever canceled on the other.
