I’m a male member. I have a question, since there have been several posts about parting ways.
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My club relationship with a beautiful woman I had become quite attached to has ended. We shared a hobby, and I supported her generously for her future. For a while, we genuinely enjoyed spending time together.
I’m sure there were things I could have done better, but she said she had become exhausted from going to hotels for money and constantly worrying about not being disliked. She wanted to quit the club and end our club relationship as well. She also said she wasn’t comfortable with sex in the first place, and that most of the men she met were only interested in her body, so nothing ever lasted. Even though she did it for the money, it had been a painful experience for her.
It seems she was able to continue with me because I genuinely supported her life. If possible, I had hoped we could remain acquaintances without money or physical intimacy being involved.
To be honest, it’s painful for me to no longer be intimate with her, and I also feel guilty about going on dates with her without giving her any money, so I’m honestly confused. At the same time, I don’t want to end our relationship entirely, because I feel meeting her was an important encounter in my life. For now, we keep in touch on LINE like friends, sharing updates about our lives, and meet for meals or drinks when we’re both free.
She even comes all the way by train from quite far away, but she won’t even accept transportation costs.
Have any of you also experienced meeting someone through a club and developing a relationship that went beyond the club arrangement?
From a woman’s perspective, is it possible to have a relationship where you want to interact with someone as a person, rather than as part of a relationship like working in the nightlife industry?
And can that kind of relationship really continue to work?
To be honest, I’m unsure how to continue our relationship. I’m perfectly happy just going on dates and enjoying good food together, but I don’t really understand how she feels about it when she isn’t receiving any money.
I’m not very confident, and since our relationship was originally connected through money, I can’t help questioning our current situation. I’d appreciate any advice.
I’m Saito♪, a column writer.
> Have you ever had a relationship that went beyond the club?
A woman I meet through the club is still someone I met through the club. It doesn’t go beyond that.
I use the club precisely because that kind of transactional relationship is necessary.
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I’m Meg, a female member.
> Are there relationships where, from the woman’s perspective, you can connect as people rather than having something that feels like the nightlife industry?
Even if an adult relationship (intimate) doesn’t develop in the future, I’d still like to continue seeing my partner.
I have a great deal of respect for him.
I think you should have more confidence in yourself.
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
> Have any of you ever formed connections that went beyond the club?
And from the woman’s perspective, have you ever had a relationship where you wanted to get to know each other as people, rather than it being like a nightlife-industry arrangement?
And, ultimately, can that kind of relationship really work?
I haven’t had that kind of relationship yet, but I think it could be a valid possibility.
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
I’m good at rescuing, taking in, nurturing, and extending the lives of women like that—providing specialized treatment for their “revolution,” so to speak.
If you were former lovers, and things had continued for years, your relationship might naturally come back around…
But what about in a club setting?
From what you’ve written, it sounds like she may not have wanted an adult relationship (intimate) with you in the first place…
So I’m not sure whether to feel happy or disappointed.
That said, women can be fickle and selfish, so you never know when a sudden change might occur…
Deep down, they may also have a desire to be led by a man.
If you had met outside the club, the fun relationship might simply continue as it was.
But since you met through the club, it seems you feel uneasy about not giving her money as an allowance…
Perhaps you could view this as an opportunity to practice giving money smoothly and tactfully, even if it isn’t technically an allowance.
You don’t seem to be fully enjoying a relationship without money either.
So rather than hoping that this will eventually turn into a club-like arrangement—or, if things go well, an intimate relationship—the chances are probably higher that it won’t.
Why not think of it as training: being led around by a woman while learning how to guide things in the direction you want?
For women, the club and papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) can be a considerable hurdle, so they may strongly want nothing to do with them. That’s why I think you should try making her happy in a smooth, natural way without making her feel that pressure.
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I’m Gaku, a male member who also recently parted ways with a beautiful woman.
In my case, nothing like that has happened in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) yet, so I guess I still have a lot to learn.
In my private life, I’ve sometimes stayed friends with an ex-girlfriend after breaking up. But in most cases, she no longer sees me as a man—I’m just a convenient friend—so I don’t feel like things usually develop in a particularly positive direction.
That said, she was a woman you were really invested in. One option might be to keep going all the way until you naturally get tired of it.
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
That’s not a “relationship that goes beyond the club.”
You’re simply meal buddies.
It’s in your best interest not to romanticize it on your own.
Men tend to remain hung up on whether they’ve had a physical relationship with someone in the past, but women can easily move someone into a different folder in their minds.
From “a dating relationship with an allowance” to “just someone who treats me to meals.”
I’ve had quite a few cases like that.
As it happens, I have two such dinners scheduled for next week.
1. A woman I used to have a monthly arrangement with. She’s married now, has a child, and is currently pregnant.
2. A former platinum member I used to see on a pay-per-meeting basis. She has since left the club.
It’s not that she particularly likes me. I’m simply someone who takes her out for good meals and listens to her.
Even for dates like these, I show up fully prepared. I also tell them, “If you ever feel that way, just let me know. I’m prepared to respond.”
Though, of course, none of them ever say they’re feeling that way（笑）
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I’m Basil, a male member.
In my case, I’d be a little cautious. I may be looking at it too cynically, but you should also consider the possibility that she might eventually say something like, “I need money for my parent’s surgery—you’re the only papa I can rely on,” and ask you for a large sum.
Of course, what you do is entirely up to you. Getting caught up in the noble feeling of helping someone in trouble—even over hundreds of thousands or millions of yen—may be part of the appeal of club activities.
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Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here.
> I’m completely exhausted from going to hotels for money and constantly worrying about not being disliked.
Some women feel guilty about relationships involving money. I think she continued seeing you while struggling with that guilt and also wanting the money—but this time, perhaps the guilt won out.
> Honestly, I’m confused about how to continue this relationship. I genuinely enjoy simply eating good food and going on dates together, so I’d be happy with that.
If she’s okay with that and you also find it enjoyable, I think it’s fine to continue dating as you have been.
I’m glad things didn’t end with a breakup or her suddenly cutting off contact. I think that shows your relationship up to now has been a good one.
It also seems perfectly fine to continue the relationship in the way she wants—as acquaintances who stay connected without money or intimacy being involved.
There’s also a possibility that her feelings of guilt may lessen over time. Of course, you may also end up becoming nothing more than friends.
> I’m not very confident in myself, and since my relationship with her was connected through money, I can’t help questioning our current situation.
Perhaps she enjoys your conversation and the atmosphere when she’s with you. If so, you could try finding stylish restaurants and taking her to places like that each time. That might change the way she feels, at least somewhat.
Although I know finding good restaurants can be difficult.
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