I’m a male member. A woman who seemed like a textbook B-type, as described in the staff comments, faded out after our online date without giving any clear reason for turning me down. After we exchanged email addresses, she wrote that she was looking forward to the day we could meet, so I happily suggested a schedule for our next date—not a specific date and time, but a particular week. However, she ignored my message.
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I had been telling myself that I simply wasn’t appealing enough, but after reading some questions here about etiquette, I started to reconsider. This is a proper dating club, unlike an app, so if someone wants to decline, I feel there should be a more considerate way to do it. At the very least, I wish she hadn’t said she was looking forward to meeting me.
She had been registered for more than two years and was over 30, which made me wonder even more whether this was acceptable etiquette—although perhaps manners have nothing to do with age.
I feel pathetic bringing up something that happened over a month ago, and I realize this has turned into a complaint, but do staff explain or offer any guidance on this kind of etiquette during interviews or when women re-register? Is this kind of behavior from women actually common? With the several women I’ve been introduced to so far, I never felt that any of them were particularly rude, regardless of whether we continued seeing each other afterward.
I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
As Mr. Maezawa said, I believe the person asking this question is probably concerned not only that “the woman lacked basic manners,” but also about why he himself was rejected.
Some men keep pressing after a woman gives a few vague reasons for turning down an arrangement, saying things like, “That’s not what I’m like,” or “I can improve on that.”
From a woman’s perspective, it’s extremely tiresome.
So, ultimately, the reason there are female members with poor manners is that there are also male members with poor manners who can’t read the situation.
Improving manners has to start with the male members.
That said, I think many people with bad manners don’t even realize it themselves...
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
It seems that both men and women sometimes get ignored like this.
Based on what I’ve seen in Q&A posts, the most common reasons seem to be, “It’s too much trouble to explain,” or simply, “I don’t want them to have negative feelings toward me.”
Also, quite a few people seem to view activities at dating clubs as just playing around or selling something. Combined with that mindset, I think it may lead them to casually “ignore” someone or cut off communication.
I think it would be better if both men and women sent a brief message declining, and if both sides accepted the transactional nature of it and refrained from pursuing things too deeply…
But I suppose that’s easier said than done（笑）
If those who can—and those who are already conscious of this—start taking the initiative, perhaps more people will follow their example.
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I’m Rin, a female member.
“Straight-up B”… I was wondering what that even meant, but then I realized: “If I’m not in the mood, no matter what the terms are, it’s a no.”
That’s straight-up B—the very definition of B. If I don’t like it, I don’t like it.
I guess I have to see her as better than the women who keep a guy hanging even though they have no intention of going on dates or pursuing an arrangement with him.
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Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here as well.
I understand the idea that it’s only polite to clearly turn someone down, but most men will ask why when a woman rejects them.
Even if you explain, they may respond with suggestions like, “Then how about this?” Before you know it, you have to keep replying over and over.
Some men may even get angry, and I imagine those exchanges can be exhausting.
With that in mind, I think saying “I’m looking forward to seeing you next time” as a polite courtesy is understandable. And rather than making plans and then standing someone up, it still seems better not to make plans in the first place.
If you were the one being turned down, wouldn’t you ask why?
Considering the other person’s feelings, turning someone down can be difficult. So if you don’t get a reply, it’s best to assume you simply weren’t a good match and look for someone else.
Of course, knowing the reason can help you do better next time, so I understand that it can be useful. But when it comes to men and women, sometimes the very fact that you can’t ask for the reason is why you should approach each date as a serious opportunity.
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
In situations like that, I try to think of it as a good thing: since we didn’t end up meeting, I can use the time and money more effectively on another favorite girl.
Yesterday, the moment we met, I generously gave her more than double my favorite girl’s usual allowance upfront. Then she ate a huge meal during dinner, felt sick, and got her period, so nothing happened. She didn’t even say she was sorry or mention the allowance at all… And I’d gone to the trouble of arranging a luxury hotel…
Well… I’ll just try to think of it as meaning I can meet my favorite girl instead from now on.
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I’m Basil, a male member.
I think fading out is fairly common, since both men and women know that even a polite, respectful rejection can lead to further hassle from someone who seems like hard work.
Let’s move on and look for someone else.
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