For an “adult relationship,” what about transportation expenses from the second meeting onward?
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I always enjoy reading this anonymous Q&A.
I recently completed my first date—and my first adult relationship—along with my first offer after joining the club.
She is a Platinum C-type member who has been registered for about six months. She seemed to have a reasonable attitude toward money, and the comments on Universe’s site also say that she “seems to have a sensible attitude toward money.”
Our next date will likely also be on the understanding that it will be an adult relationship. The allowance is planned to be the same as last time: 50,000 yen.
So, is it customary to give her transportation expenses again from the second meeting onward? I gave her 10,000 yen the first time.
If it’s customary, I’m thinking of giving it to her without discussing it beforehand—in other words, 60,000 yen total.
If it’s not customary, should I say nothing during dinner and give her 50,000 yen after we go to the hotel?
Or should I discuss it with her beforehand over LINE and agree on a total of 50,000 yen?
Would bringing up what might sound like negotiating a lower amount make her dislike me or hurt her pride?
Based on the answer here:
https://universe-club.jp/help/questions/view/3305
it seems that transportation expenses are not included in the total amount.
So, what would be the best way to handle this?
Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here as well.
> Is it normal to give her transportation money after the second date as well? (I gave her 10,000 yen the first time.)
If by “transportation money” you mean the ¥5,000–¥10,000 courtesy payment required under the club’s rules, that only applies to the first meeting, so it doesn’t apply from the second meeting onward.
However, if you mean the actual cost of transportation because she lives far away, then the gentlemanly thing to do is cover that amount.
Since you gave her 10,000 yen the first time, she probably doesn’t live particularly far away. In that case, whether to give her additional transportation money is up to you.
Generally, I think it’s common for the second meeting onward to involve only the allowance. Of course, you’ll likely also be paying for the meal separately.
Naturally, she would probably appreciate receiving transportation money as well, so consider her feelings and your budget and find the arrangement that works best for both of you.
That said, if you stay together until after the last train, it’s standard to give her separate taxi fare, even from the second meeting onward.
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
Since many women assume the first-meeting amount will remain the same, in this case she’s probably expecting 60,000 yen.
If you give her 50,000 yen, she’ll reply right away, so there’s nothing strange about handing it over promptly.
If she’s someone you’re happy with, you can simply continue seeing her. If you don’t feel she’s quite your type, you can move on to the next person.
In a similar situation, when meeting online, giving her the 50,000 yen as agreed and adding the transportation costs makes her very happy.
Since this is already the second date, it seems both sides have more flexibility.
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I’m Basil, a male member.
There have been a lot of questions about allowances lately. Since I’ve been pretty involved in those discussions, I’ll answer this one too.
For meetings after the first, I set the allowance with transportation included.
When we meet for the first time and discuss the allowance after dinner, I’ve already given her the transportation money, so I make its status clear. For example, I’ll say, “The allowance is 50,000 yen—the amount I gave you earlier was just a little extra since it was our first meeting,” or “That includes the amount I gave you earlier.”
Even if the total amount is the same, I think it’s important to be mindful of how you present it so it doesn’t come across as lowering the allowance or cause problems later.
In this case, if you’re prepared to pay 60,000 yen at worst, rather than negotiating beforehand, why not decide between 50,000 and 60,000 based on her reaction when you meet next time?
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I’m Joe, a column writer.
That’s definitely something that can easily lead to trouble. When discussing the terms, it’s probably best to clarify whether transportation costs are included in the allowance. If you don’t say anything, men and women often have different assumptions. In my case, I usually give the woman extra money for a taxi when she leaves.
I hope your arrangement goes smoothly.
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I’m a male member named Seattle.
Either interpretation is possible. I just wanted to clarify in advance whether it was included or not. Since you didn’t mention it, I’d interpret the current situation as option 6.
For a platinum arrangement, either 5 or 6 would be reasonable. I think you should decide based on how badly you want to continue seeing them.
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