I’m a male member from the Kanto area and have been registered for six months. I offered to meet a Type C woman and went on a date just before the COVID-19 situation began. We had a great time, and because I got carried away drinking, the time flew by. Since it had gotten late, we parted after dinner only, without discussing the allowance.
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After the state of emergency was lifted, I thought that our second date would finally be the time, but after meeting at 5 p.m., she mentioned during our conversation on the way to the restaurant that she had some kind of nail appointment at 9 p.m. It takes an hour by train from the date location to the place where she had the appointment. On top of that, since it was a full-course dinner, it would take about two hours. It was completely out of time.
Apparently, some people would take care of things in a multi-purpose restroom, since it would take less than an hour, but that’s not my thing. I prefer to discuss the allowance in person rather than over LINE, so the date ended without me even being able to bring that up.
In a situation like this, how should I have handled it, and how would you handle it going forward? Since it was only our second date, I felt a little disappointed that she had made such a tight schedule, whether or not the club’s four-hour rule applied.
Afterward, she messaged me on LINE, happily saying that she had enjoyed the meal and that it was nice to get her nails done for the first time in a while.
She also seemed to have had a slight increase in COVID symptoms, so I haven’t invited her out for a third date yet.
Sorry for the long post, but I’d especially appreciate it if the female readers could try to imagine how she might have been feeling.
Sorry again for going on so long.
I’m a male member, BB7.
Let me offer a different possibility from everyone else…
Could she be the kind of woman who isn’t very good at thinking things through or planning ahead?
Maybe she casually thought, “Four hours, from 5 to 9 p.m. That’s enough time for dinner, sex, and whatever else, right?”
Did she fail to consider things like the one-hour train ride each way, how long dinner would take, the trip to the hotel, or how much time the adult relationship would require?
You do come across women like this from time to time—naturally carefree, with no sense of planning and no consideration for the man’s schedule.
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I’m Rin, a female member.
If you’re looking forward to a date, I’d expect you to get your nails done beforehand…
When a man clearly wants to move things toward a relationship but still won’t say so directly, some women might be put off, while others might see him as an easy target. It also depends on the allowance for dinner only.
If you want to pursue a relationship, I think it’s better to make your intentions clear. If he’s still being shy and indecisive, and you already have plans, you could suggest going to a hotel first and gauge his reaction.
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I’m Kamihikoki, a male member.
From her perspective, she must’ve been thinking, “Oh wow, I’ve been stuck here for this long… and we haven’t even talked about an allowance…”
I can’t go through that again next time, so please spare me…
To make sure that doesn’t happen, I’ll say I have a nail appointment or something booked four hours later…
Sure enough, it was dinner only, so I was relieved to avoid being tied up for so long…
And on top of that, he didn’t bring up an allowance again.
In reality, I just met another man, had some drinks, and blew off steam… It felt great.
So there’s no way I’m meeting him again. I’ll pretend to be happy about it and let things fade out naturally…
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I’m Meg, a female member.
It must feel lonely when the other person treats you that way.
That said, you also seem to have overlooked something.
When you met for the first time, you:
> Ended things after dinner without discussing an allowance.
I think that may have been one of the issues.
If you wanted to lead to a second meeting, you should have had a conversation along the lines of:
“Next time, I’m thinking we could have an adult relationship after dinner. My allowance would be around this amount—how does that sound?”
As for the other person, I don’t understand why someone in Type C would schedule a nail appointment after the second date. If it were me, I’d want to take care of that before the date, and I wouldn’t make plans for afterward in the first place.
If she was thinking,
“Last time, I got away with just dinner—lucky me! This time, since I have a nail appointment afterward, I probably won’t get pressured either—lucky me!”
then you’re likely to end up being an easy mark.
I apologize if this sounds disrespectful toward her. m(_ _)m
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Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here as well.
> While chatting on the way to the restaurant after meeting up at 5 p.m., she mentioned that she had a nail appointment or something scheduled for 9 p.m.
Since she went out of her way to tell you before you even got to the restaurant, wouldn’t it have been okay to change plans and invite her to a hotel first?
It was only your second date, after all.
Of course, if she said she’d rather eat first, you should have gone along with that. But I get the feeling she may have simply agreed to your suggestion.
I understand that canceling the restaurant reservation would be a waste, and that going straight to a hotel might not feel very enjoyable. Still, if time was limited, I think it would have been fine to adjust your plans as needed.
If you could have gotten about an hour afterward, you could also have gone together to a place where you could eat relatively quickly.
> She had gained a little weight during COVID.
It seems like a lot of people gained weight during COVID.
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I’m Flag Maker, a columnist.
Sorry—I’m a man.
If you like her, wouldn’t simply letting things like that slide be a chance to score extra points?
If you’re interested in someone, don’t sweat the small stuff.
I think that’s the gentlemanly way to handle things here.
If you like her, ask her out.
If you don’t, don’t.
That’s all there is to it.
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