I’m the person who previously asked, “What’s the deal with people who sign up for dating clubs even though they don’t have money—or don’t intend to spend any?” Apparently, someone saw that question and asked whether they should join, so I’m posting again. This will be long because I have a lot of excuses.
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First of all, thank you all for your answers. I now understand very clearly that you absolutely hate “money-minded women.”
It’s not that I’m angry about being rated a 3. After receiving that rating, I did what men do and assessed the other person’s value too, then asked for a 5.
Perhaps none of the respondents are familiar with this kind of rock-bottom struggle, but not all men are wonderful either. Some make an offer and then insult you, or lecture you about how you shouldn’t be doing this sort of thing… There are quite a few awful ones.
I suppose that women who are as “money-minded” as a 3 only receive offers from men of that caliber.
That said, there is a man who supports me at 3. He’s very kind and attractive.
I believe that in this world, even if someone lacks human or masculine appeal, money can make up for it. And of course, the reverse is true as well. So I asked for a relatively high allowance from a man I felt absolutely no attraction toward… Was that wrong?
If so, perhaps I should sign up with the club for low-paid office workers that Papuwa-san told me about.
Anyway, sorry for the long post, but I have two questions:
① Is it wrong for women to assess men’s value?
② If you don’t find a man attractive, is asking for money still being “money-minded”?
Dاته◎Yume-san and Meg-san’s answers—that they chose their dating club based on the importance they placed on reliability—really resonated with me. Thank you.
Also, Mac-san and Maezawa-san, your advice not to engage with people like that was exactly right. I’m sorry for reposting such a question.
Reading everyone’s answers made me feel a little pathetic, so I’ll work on myself and try to become more beautiful.
I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member.
> In this world, I believe that even if someone lacks human or masculine appeal, money can make up for it. And of course, the reverse is also true. So I asked for a higher allowance from a man I felt absolutely no attraction toward… Was I wrong?
As a way of approaching this kind of relationship, I think your reasoning is sound.
That said, if you feel someone is a definite no, it might be more honest with yourself to simply turn them down… (lol)
I think it’s better to add a little “playfulness” (money, money) only when you’re right on the borderline and thinking, “Maybe he’s acceptable”… (lol)
I’m only one member of Universe, and I don’t have a lot of experience making offers, but even when I think someone seems really nice, I sometimes get turned down. Other times, I ask, “Would you be okay with me?” and they say, “Sure.”
It sounds like there are also people who value you regardless of the amount. You should cherish the people who appreciate you. I think relationships are more enjoyable that way.
If you approach it as a business, then you should pursue the higher offer—the money, money—and negotiate for an increase rather than turning someone down.
I think the real question is where you place your own values when participating in a dating club.
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Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office will answer as well.
> ① Is it wrong for a woman to size up a man?
Not at all.
Even with Relationship Type D at a dating club, you still have the right to decline. That’s because both parties are expected to assess each other.
In other words, I assumed that if he was a really great match, you might accept even 30,000 yen, while if you didn’t like him, you might quote 100,000 yen or so.
I happened to see some feedback today saying something like, “He tried to charge me 100,000 yen.” Unfortunately, I think that means she was sized up and found wanting.
> ② If you don’t find a man attractive and ask for money, does that make you money-minded?
In the broad sense, I suppose it does, so I don’t think it’s an ideal situation. But I believe the men already expect that.
> Reading everyone’s answers made me feel a little miserable.
I don’t think you need to feel that way.
You just haven’t happened to meet the right person yet.
I’m sure someone will come along who recognizes your appeal.
For example, until then, you could try meeting everyone who invites you and observe what makes men happy and what puts them in a bad mood.
By doing that, when a truly wonderful person comes along, you may be able to win his heart completely.
You don’t need to push yourself, but changing your perspective in that way might be worth trying.
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I’m Basil, a male member.
It’s perfectly understandable for women to assess a man’s worth or ask for a higher allowance from men they don’t find attractive. However, whether flaunting that as a right is actually in line with the reason you signed up is another matter.
Most men dislike women who nitpick over everything and, frankly, come across as gloomy and high-maintenance. You probably joined for a reason, so I think making a little effort to be liked would be more worthwhile than stubbornly clinging to your own views and sulking here while seeking agreement.
Even if she’s all about the money, a woman who asks for it sweetly is more likely to loosen a man’s purse strings.
If you don’t need the immediate ¥30,000 and your real goal is personal satisfaction, then by all means, stick to your convictions.
Ah, I prefer female college students who get close to men on their own.
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I’m a female member named Rin.
I had my reasons for not answering your previous question. First of all, you have no need to feel miserable. You understand the situation properly, and you’ve also been able to meet attractive men whose appeal can’t be measured in money.
Since people meet through a club with various circumstances and as part of a transactional relationship, I think it’s perfectly fine for both sides to assess each other’s value.
As Mr. Saito mentioned in his previous answer, some men believe their status, lifestyle, and connections alone make meeting them worthwhile, regardless of money—men who say they don’t need an allowance. Others, however, overestimate themselves.
To put it rather bluntly, this should be a give-and-take involving money, time spent on dates, and adult relationship (intimate) time, yet it’s undeniable that some men still approach it from a male-dominated perspective. Even when both sides are making offers after assessing each other, men are quick to complain that a woman is “only after money” or being too demanding.
Some men present themselves as gentlemen, but you can sense from the way they speak that they look down on women in general, women they don’t find attractive, or women who are older. Ironically, those are often the very men who call themselves gentlemen.
So I think you should simply use your own judgment and continue enjoying a comfortable relationship with someone wonderful.
Try not to let it hurt you too much, and I hope you have fun.
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Male member, Seattle here.
① You’re not wrong at all.
② When the man is unpleasant, it’s perfectly understandable that your standards for agreeing to the arrangement become higher.
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