Sorry to bother you again. I’m the person who asked two questions here recently about differences in outlook between me and the man I’m dating (https://universe-club.jp/help/questions/view/3968).

I complained to him that, because of my past experiences with bullying and a suicide attempt, I couldn’t feel positive about life, felt as though I were merely living out my remaining years, and couldn’t even imagine an ideal future. He responded, “That kind of thinking is exactly the type I dislike most.” I regretted what I had said and came here for help. Taking everyone’s opinions into account, I went on a date with him yesterday for the first time in a while. I tried to be like my old self and simply enjoy the time we spent together. As a result, we got along just as well as—or even better than—we usually do. Thanks to all of you, I think I was able to imagine what he had been feeling when he got angry with me. He is a hardworking, wealthy man driven by ideals, with a strong sense of pride. At the same time, because he had experienced emotional abuse from his wife, he was looking for comfort and healing from women. Although he was registered with a dating club, he is the type who wants a one-on-one relationship because he is looking for a deeper, more meaningful connection. That is why I came to feel that, in return for receiving an allowance, I should provide him with comfort and healing. I also began to think that it would be better for me to express my darker side here, in an anonymous setting like this. Among the responses I received, this passage from Kamihikoki-san especially moved me to tears: “I felt that, going forward, you need to find work or an environment suited to you, with as little stress as possible. As you move toward that goal, I read your post hoping that your current club and this man might become important saviors for you.” I thought, “That really is true.” I believe he basically does like me, and the time I spend with him is an oasis for me as well. Originally, just as Mac-san described with the expression ‘experienced in all the ways of the world,’ I’m the type of person who unintentionally makes people angry even though I mean no harm. I sometimes don’t explain myself well enough, and people take what I say as sarcasm. So wherever I go, there is always someone who takes an intense dislike to me, and I’ve been bullied terribly. That is also what led to my suicide attempt. I’m fine when I go abroad, but in Japanese workplaces I’m told that I can’t read the atmosphere, and I become a target for bullying. After what Mac-san said, I began to wonder whether the people I had angered in the past might have been thinking the same way Mac-san did. That said, I still can’t bring myself to think that the bullying I experienced was simply unavoidable, and my despair about life hasn’t disappeared. That is why, as Kamihikoki-san and the others advised, I hope to build a fun relationship with him without pushing myself too hard. As Papuwa-san pointed out, there’s no need to deliberately impose my dark side on him and end the relationship. He has said from the beginning that he likes me, after all. The dating club was the place where, despite having been bullied everywhere I went, people found me interesting, praised me as attractive, and—surprisingly—even offered me substantial financial support. Although I became troubled after arguing with him this time, I originally joined because I was looking for comfort and healing—financial support is one form of healing for me, too. I realized that I can’t enjoy the relationship if I forget that, and I was able to take a more positive view by reminding myself that I can always end things if being with him becomes a burden. Even so, until I saw him yesterday, I was so anxious that I couldn’t eat. But once we met, he was kind. It wasn’t that he had come to dislike me at all. In fact, he gave me the souvenir he had promised, we had a great time talking about his work, and I felt even more affection from him than before. From now on, I’ll be careful not to use him as an outlet for my dark emotions. Instead, I want to enjoy our relationship precisely so I can move past those feelings. Rather than asking him to listen to my complaints, I suppose I want him to make me enjoy myself so much that I don’t even have anything to complain about… Thanks to everyone who answered my question, I feel that I’ve been able to change my way of thinking. May I come here for advice again if I run into trouble? I may end up sharing another terrifyingly dark story without learning my lesson, but if that happens, please give me another much-needed reality check. This became quite long, but to everyone who answered and to the site administrators, thank you so much.