In a dating club, is it wrong to have a transactional relationship? I’m a C-type college student.
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Even though it’s a relationship based on money from the start, I was asked, “Wouldn’t you see me if I didn’t pay you?” So I said, “I’m with this club because I need the money, so I won’t see you unless I’m paid.” Then he said things like, “Other girls have told me they’d do it for me,” and “I like you, so I want to sleep with you every day, but I can’t pay you every day.” Why do they try to turn it into a relationship like lovers’?
To be honest, I have no desire to see him without an allowance, and I don’t want to go to a hotel either.
He told me, “I don’t want something transactional like what you’d get at a hostess club. I want you to truly love me.” I have experience working in the adult-entertainment industry, but isn’t paying for it basically the same whether it’s that or a dating club?
In the end, I found him so creepy that I broke things off with him, but...
To return to my question, is it wrong to have a transactional relationship (seeing someone because you get paid, without any particular romantic feelings)?
This is Saito, a column writer.
I think it’s a good idea to pass the club information about men who pressure women into dating for free—especially if there’s a problem.
This is only for informational purposes, of course.
[True story]
A female member was subjected to domestic violence by a male member, and the matter escalated to discussions with a lawyer.
When she contacted me for advice, she told me that the man had confined her in a hotel and lectured her for six hours the previous day. He had apparently told her they were in a loving relationship, and the exchange of money had stopped as well.
Of course, the club doesn’t get involved once the relationship has begun, but I advised her, “Even if it’s just information, you should tell the club about it. You can say that I was the one who told you to contact them.”
The club contacted me right away.
“Thank you for your advice. We never thought he was that kind of man at all. We had believed he was wonderful and had told the woman so as well.
Honestly… we’re still completely shocked.”
That was their reply.
I hope there won’t be any more victims.
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Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Department here as well.
Under the Dating Club Ordinance, a dating club is defined as:
“a business that arranges compensated relationships between clients and other clients of the opposite sex.”
In other words, compensation is generally expected.
So there’s no question that men who insist on meeting without compensation are the ones who don’t understand the situation. There’s nothing wrong with wanting an allowance in a transactional relationship.
That said, men are often willing to pay when the woman can make them feel like a couple while they’re together.
So being able to enjoy a pleasant time together is important.
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I’m date◎yume, a male member.
This may be getting back to basics, but I joined the dating club with the understanding that it would involve adult relationships (intimate).
The club has certain dating rules, and I see people under those rules. As long as the relationship follows them, I don’t think it really matters whether it’s a transactional relationship or something serious.
That said, in my case, I try to approach it as a “serious transactional relationship.”
Why? Because even though she’s just one person among hundreds, I meet each woman with genuine feeling. If things become purely businesslike—like being processed on a conveyor belt—I can’t really feel the woman’s charm either.
Women at dating clubs are generally beautiful and attractive. I’d like to enjoy seeing them while appreciating that charm.（笑）
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I’m Hikōki, a male member.
According to one beautiful woman who joined the club,
“It’s a job.”
Women can feel free to join with the mindset of taking on a part-time job.
That said, whether it’s compensated dating, a hostess club, or a dating club, an important point is knowing how to attract men. Learning how to relieve stress effectively is important too.
P.S. Pafuwa-san expresses it very well:
They’re spending three to five times—or even more—than they would on adult entertainment or a girlfriend.
> Please think about why they’re deliberately paying so much to use a dating club.
It’s more than adult entertainment, but it isn’t adult entertainment.
It’s more than a girlfriend, but it isn’t a girlfriend.
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I’m Seattle, a male member.
Rin and the others have already covered most of it, but even in a financial arrangement, I’d like to get close while still understanding the boundaries and our respective positions.
As for the guy trying to make it allowance-free, just ignore him—he’s “ataoka,” slang for “crazy.”
P.S.
I totally agree with Flag Maker: lip service is a one-way ticket to the ATM. *tears*
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I’m Rin, a female member.
Questioner, you’ve got it right.
Some people may draw arbitrary lines based on age—thinking women in a certain age range are “serious” or driven by sex—but regardless of age, or how many years apart you are, it’s a transactional relationship.
That said, saying it so bluntly may cause misunderstandings. But it’s precisely because it’s transactional that you’re able to meet—in many different ways.
Even if he tells you his real name, gives you his business card, or buys you presents, I still think it’s fine to consider it a transactional relationship.
However, you should show a certain level of gratitude and consideration toward someone who spends his time and money on you—especially if he treats you like a gentleman without openly revealing his ulterior motive of wanting to be with a younger woman, or if he wants you to enjoy yourself and have a good time despite money being involved.
In the end, it all comes down to consideration.
Even in a transactional relationship, I think smiles, gratitude, thoughtfulness, and kindness are necessary.
This man lacks consideration for you, and he also fails to recognize the fact that you’re only giving him attention because he’s paying you.
He’s simply creepy.
You’re young and your goals are clear, so I think it’s perfectly fine to end things with someone that creepy.
Just the other day, I felt sick when a 70-year-old man I met through work—while openly inviting me with obvious ulterior motives—made comments denying the existence of a physical relationship without feelings.
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
It’s normal. There’s nothing wrong with it.
That said—
When it comes to a man who has good manners, is gentlemanly, never gets the wrong idea, and is trustworthy, I feel like it’s okay to give him at least a tiny bit of lip service.
In that sense, I also think this is a place to develop your ability to judge men.
I understand that this question comes from having had some unpleasant experiences, but I’m a little worried that you might end up missing out on the genuinely good ones.
*Actually, I never get the wrong idea and I don’t say anything weird, so I’d at least like a little lip service as a reward… (sob)*
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