Hello, and thank you as always for helping me learn. I’d like to ask for advice about a woman I used to see about twice a month.
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Three months into our relationship, she started asking me for advice about her debts and requesting an advance on her allowance. (I didn’t lend her any money.) She only earned enough from her part-time job to cover her rent and was living off her allowance.
Even after our adult relationship (intimate), she would suddenly start getting ready to leave on her own, saying she had to walk her dog. Eventually, she started telling me that meeting at a hotel from the beginning would be fine.
Every time we met, I felt as though I was simply being charged, so I stopped contacting her, and we had been out of touch for the past few months. During that time, I met another woman I really clicked with, made a monthly arrangement with her, and we’ve been enjoying ourselves.
Recently, the woman mentioned above, whom I had cut contact with, called me under the pretext of asking for advice about work. Afterward, she messaged me on LINE asking when we could meet next.
I’ve reached the point where meeting her feels like nothing but a waste of money and time, so I have no intention of seeing her again. However, I’m unsure whether I should clearly tell her that we won’t be meeting again or simply ignore her messages.
I’m Joe, a columnist.
Since Mac specifically asked for me, I’ve decided to stick my nose in.
I’d love to write, “Mac is still just a rookie. You don’t get to experience the true thrill of lending money to women until you’ve lost eight figures. What kind of life is it if you’ve never savored the profound poignancy of that feeling? Ahh…” (just kidding), but after reading the question, all I could smell was trouble. Basically, I think it would be best to leave this alone. And speaking a little more seriously, I don’t think it would be good for that girl, either.
I recently said goodbye to the aforementioned eight-figure girl. It was through an exchange involving just a few tens of thousands of yen that I realized, “This woman is only interested in my money.” ← What an idiot.
If I’d realized it sooner, that money could at least have gone toward the down payment on a condo in Kagurazaka, so it’s a bit disappointing. Life doesn’t always work out the way you want.
If you have a monthly-arrangement girl you’re fond of, I think the best thing would be to cherish her. What do you think? I hope you won’t repeat Joe’s mistakes.
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I’m Meg, a female member.
Either way, it’s the same.
A money-obsessed woman like that… honestly, the nerve of her is unbelievable.
More importantly, I sincerely hope you don’t turn her down so poorly that you end up jeopardizing your own social standing.
m(_ _)m
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Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here as well.
> I’ve come to feel that meeting her is nothing but a waste of time and money, so I don’t plan to see her anymore.
No, that’s not right—you’ve got it wrong!
Every experience becomes part of who you are.
The woman you met before and the woman you’d meet now may be completely different, even if they’re the same person. I don’t know how old she is, but how can you ignore her growth?
If she invites you, meet her.
If she asks you for something, respond within the limits of what you’re willing to give.
That’s what adult fun is all about.
> I can’t decide whether I should clearly tell her I won’t see her anymore, or simply ignore her messages.
I recommend a third option: meet her one more time.
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I’m a male member based in Seattle.
Anyone who asks for a loan or an advance will always escalate—it never ends with just one request.
They’re irresponsible people who can’t manage their money. Cut ties immediately.
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I’m Hikōki, a male member.
“I really want to see you.”
“When can we meet?”
Even when you understand that money is the main motive, once those lines start sounding like nothing more than “I want money,” it becomes painful, doesn’t it?
Personally, I either leave their LINE messages unread or just reply with a greeting, “Good luck,” or a sticker.
When someone keeps asking for an advance on their allowance, I leave those messages unread too.
Looking back calmly, I guess the moment someone feels comfortable asking for an advance or telling you to transfer money, it’s already over.
If I were in their position, those are words I’d never say…
Taking on someone else’s debts, for example.
But people who are willing to ask will keep pushing as far as they can.
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