I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
That man gives me the impression that there’s something off about him. Trying to understand the mindset of a strange person usually won’t do you any good, so I’d advise against it.
I think the right thing to do is keep your distance.
Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here as well.
> You said you sensed something might be wrong with him during the conversation when you received your first allowance.
Haha. That’s a remarkably accurate observation, but I do think people like that tend to have certain patterns.
For example, if I hear that a man pays a woman ¥80,000 per pay-per-meeting date, I think, “Wow, he sounds generous.”
And when he says they’re discussing switching to a monthly arrangement and that he wants to go to her place, I can understand that feeling too.
But then, if I hear him say something like, “As part of the terms of the monthly arrangement, I’m thinking of getting a key to her apartment,” I can’t help thinking, “Whoa, no—that’s not okay.”
And if I then hear that she stopped contacting him after they switched to a monthly arrangement, I start wondering whether she simply no longer wanted to see him.
Of course, a woman who takes the money and then disappears is essentially deceiving the man, so it’s absolutely not right. But if I’ve already heard the things mentioned above, I can’t help feeling a little sympathy for her too.
When you look at it that way, it does seem possible that the man also had some issues. I sympathize with him, but I do think the money should be returned.
> Were they trying to get revenge for the hurt they experienced with another woman by doing the same hurtful things to someone else?
> Even though they knew what it felt like to be hurt, I felt they were doing similar things while acting as though they liked me.
I’m not entirely sure what you mean. Do you mean the man would cancel at the last minute or fail to pay?
Rather than revenge, I think that person was probably just like that by nature.
Conversely, it’s possible that a woman who was treated that way simply did the same thing to someone else, while only talking to others about what the other woman did to her.
It’s quite common for people not to notice what they themselves are doing.
> I’m thinking of keeping my distance from that person.
That’s the right call.
If you force yourself to stay involved, you may end up behaving the same way as the other person.
Before long, you might even do the same thing to other men without realizing it, so I think it’s best to be careful.
I’m Meg, a female member.
I don’t think that man was trying to get revenge. He’s probably just lonely.
I suspect he doesn’t have anyone around him who will listen to what’s on his mind and say, “Mm-hmm, I understand. You’re absolutely right.”
Because you listened so attentively to him, he probably ended up going on and on about things that happened in the past.
It must have been unpleasant to listen to all that.
You did well to put up with it.
Good for you!
Still, he sounds like someone who would be difficult to keep seeing for a long time. As you said, I think it would be better to keep your distance.
I’m a male member who goes by Paper Airplane.
> She told me she’d often been stood up at the last minute, scammed out of money, and generally had a lot of disappointing and painful experiences.
It all depends on how you look at things.
Even being scammed out of money could be seen as having had some good experiences in return.
If bad things happened, that also means she experienced good things as well. She simply went through a lot of both.
The man she was talking about, however, can only see things negatively. So the fact that he tells you things he has no need to share suggests that—
> There might be something wrong with him, based on the way he communicates?
That’s exactly right.
I imagine he keeps repeating the same pattern over and over.
He only thinks about his own convenience, has a strong victim mentality, fails to appreciate the times people treated him well, and just keeps complaining…
He doesn’t consider the other person’s circumstances, can’t trust anyone, and will probably continue repeating the same behavior.
He’s not trying to get revenge. He’s simply a delusional guy who’s convinced himself that you’ll agree with him, sympathize with him, or become someone who understands him.
