I’ve been with Universe for about two years, and after making offers to and dating all kinds of women, as well as briefly straying to apps, I’ve gradually realized what kind of arrangement I really want.
Since I only do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) when I’m traveling for work, my ideal arrangement is something like this:
“We have dinner together—something we wouldn’t normally eat—then drinks at a bar with a beautiful night view. We stay at a hotel, have breakfast through in-room dining, and part ways at checkout.”
Depending on our mood, there might be adult relationships (intimate) a few times during that period, or we might visit an art museum or aquarium. Basically, I’ve realized that what I want from papa-katsu is to spend a leisurely amount of time with someone I can genuinely enjoy being with for many hours.
So here’s my question:
Since this style involves keeping someone for quite a long time, how much allowance would be reasonable to pay—or how much would you want to receive?
Of course, it depends on the relationship between the two people, so I’m not saying there’s one correct amount. I’d appreciate hearing everyone’s thoughts, which is why I’m asking.
Thank you in advance.
P.S. I have two women in their 20s and 30s whom I’ve been seeing in this kind of arrangement for about a year. Their allowance is around ¥50,000 each time. Neither of them has asked to negotiate an increase, so I wanted to ask for reference when deciding on their future allowance.
I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
Based on your question, your ongoing arrangement with this woman seems reasonable, wouldn’t you say?
That said, this is only an outsider’s opinion. If you want to know how she really feels, I think your only options are:
1. Quietly increase her allowance.
2. Try having a date that isn’t an overnight date, without lowering the allowance.
Though option 2 may not work well since it doesn’t match the relationship style you’re looking for.
This may not be a direct solution, but rather than assuming your current terms are “a given,” being considerate, showing thoughtfulness, and expressing your gratitude may be what helps maintain a good relationship.
For example, if I were the woman and happened to be thinking, “I’m not really in the mood to stay over tonight,” and I sensed from you that “staying over is just expected,” I might get a little annoyed and think, “It’s not a given, you know?” lol
They may seem like small things, but sometimes the solution lies not in the allowance, but in being considerate so she doesn’t feel put out, listening to her, complimenting her, and expressing your appreciation.
That’s the kind of thing I fight for, lol.
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I’m Meg, one of the female members.
Even though this is an anonymous question box, some people still introduce themselves, huh?
Instantly like you more (*^^*)
And before I knew it, you’d become one of the answerers!!!
> Gaku,
Another gentleman has joined our little group.
A comedy specialist, perhaps? There’s also a flat-chested girl like me here.
I look forward to getting to know you♪
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This is Gaku, the one who asked the question.
Thank you all for your answers.
I’m honestly humbled by how positive the responses have been. It was reassuring to learn that, from both the men’s and women’s perspectives, it’s not really viewed as such a bad thing.
Whenever I ask the women what they’d like for their birthdays, they always say they don’t need anything. I’ve been giving them cash instead, but I’d like to think of something else I can do to show my appreciation a little more.
Thank you.
By the way, I’m just an ordinary man in my early fifties. I do my best to keep up with strength training so I don’t become metabolically unhealthy.
I’ve actually run into a company president I know near a station while I was out on a date during a business trip. We’re close enough to talk about fairly personal topics, so it wasn’t a problem, but I’ve been a little more careful since then.
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Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here as well.
I think that if a woman feels genuinely seen and appreciated, and the man is wonderful, she generally won’t be dissatisfied with her allowance.
If you have two women who have been seeing you for about a year, I think what you’re doing now is probably enough.
That said, they may sometimes be putting up with it, so it’s only natural for you to feel concerned.
If you can afford it and feel comfortable giving a little more, you could occasionally say, “Since today is a special occasion, I added a little extra for you,” and increase it from time to time.
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I’m Marika, a female member.
After reading your post, Gaku, I got the impression that you might be quite a wonderful person. And are you relatively young as well—early 40s, perhaps? Sorry for answering your question with another question.
Like Hana, I also feel that the women you’re seeing now are satisfied with the wonderful relationship style you’ve created. If they were unhappy, I think they would either ask for a higher allowance or bring up ending things.
I’m sure they’d be genuinely happy to receive a birthday gift. If you’re not sure about their hobbies or what they want, just ask them. It can also be difficult to answer if they don’t know your budget, so it’s easier for both of you if you have a relationship where you can say something like, “Up to around this amount.”
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
I’m envious that you’re able to stay overnight together.
Being with someone you want to spend a long time with—someone who’s happy with a ¥50,000 allowance—and having things continue naturally with a girl like that sounds perfectly reasonable to me.
As long as you discussed the allowance upfront, I don’t think there’s any problem.
P.S. Gaku,
Even from the way you wrote, I could tell that you’re incredibly popular and carry yourself with plenty of confidence.
Given your age, you’re at the peak of your appeal—not just with women, but as a person and as a man. This is the time when you start reaping what you’ve sown, so that kind of composure is something only a man over 50 can truly convey.
It really is wonderful when a woman says, “Let’s take it slow,” and then relaxes and enjoys herself with you, or when you can spend hours going out to various places together.
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I’m a male member named Seattle.
There’s a rule that the first meeting can last up to four hours, but after that, it’s up to both of you.
If you’ve been keeping things going for a year on ¥50,000, I’d say that’s reasonable. Though if she’s gravure-idol level, I’d consider it cheap.
Perhaps it’s lasted because you’re careful with your language and manners, so she can enjoy things like breakfast and visiting the aquarium with you.
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