I often learn a lot from everyone here. Even among papa-katsu men and papa-katsu women, people can have such different perspectives. Thank you, as always.
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I’m in my late twenties/early thirties, and it’s been three years since I started papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). I’ve been generously supported by many wealthy men, traveling overseas and staying in luxury hotels, and I’ve enjoyed a very fulfilling life. I’m truly grateful for that.
At the same time, I’m aware that my sense of money and what I consider normal have become increasingly detached from reality.
No matter how much I come to like them, these men ultimately go home to their wives and children. Sometimes that makes me feel empty and think, “There’s really nothing good that comes from having an affair…” (And yet they get jealous when I talk about my boyfriend, being hit on, having dinner with male bosses, or going to group dates. Men really are sensitive.)
While I was struggling with these feelings, a younger man introduced to me by an acquaintance began showing an interest in me, and now I’m torn.
His affection is much more direct than that of the men I’m currently seeing, and honestly, I feel like I might fall for him.
To be specific, wealthy older men often say things in a roundabout way, such as, “I like you, but I feel like saying that would put pressure on you. Still, I’d be upset if you got a boyfriend,” or, “If you want to look for someone to marry, I can’t stop you. It would make me sad, though… Huh? A group date? Sure, go ahead. Then maybe I’ll cheat on you too, haha. I want to feel popular too, haha.”
But the younger man says things like, “I like you!! I’d love to go out for dinner sometime! When are you free!?”
Should I take this opportunity to quit papa-katsu and pursue a serious relationship with someone my age or younger, with marriage in mind?
I never really wanted to get married and was satisfied being a mistress, but perhaps the pandemic made me realize that I want something truly important in my life.
Sorry for the long post. To the men here, do you ever find yourselves thinking that the women you’re seeing are wasting their youth, or that you need to help them get married soon?
If that’s how you feel about us, should I cut things off completely and pursue a “proper marriage,” even if I’m enjoying myself right now?
Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here as well.
> Honestly, his more straightforward expressions of affection compared with the papas I’m currently seeing are making me feel like I might actually fall for him.
Does that mean you’ve been doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) without ever having been in love before? Or have you only dated people who weren’t able to express their affection directly?
This may sound cold, but perhaps your life has been a little unfortunate in that respect.
> Should I take this opportunity to quit papa-katsu and pursue a serious relationship with a man my age or younger, with marriage in mind?
If you’re interested in him now, then yes, I think you should pursue a serious relationship with marriage in mind. I believe doing so will help you figure out what you really want.
You could do that while continuing papa-katsu, or, if that doesn’t feel right, you could take a break from it for a while.
Doing what you genuinely want to do right now will give you all kinds of experiences and help you understand what suits you.
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I’m Meg, a female member.
> Honestly, I feel like I might fall for him.
And that’s okay—if COVID is what made you realize you can feel that way.
My thoughts are similar to Flagmaker’s.
> Dating an immature man around your age, going through various experiences together, getting married, and continuing your married life can all be meaningful and make for a valuable life experience.
I completely agree.
However, since you have so many people to compare him with, if you do start dating a younger man, you might find yourself dissatisfied with what he lacks.
Love that sweeps all those experiences aside.
Wouldn’t that be wonderful?
The choice is yours.
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I’m Marika, a female member.
Aren’t you dating that younger guy?
If you can imagine marrying him, why not quit papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)? And if you don’t quit, that’s fine too.
The fact that you’re asking other people means you’re still unsure. Doing what someone tells you probably won’t end well.
You should simply do what you want.
It’s your life.
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I’m Papercraft, a male member.
I think you should pursue marriage opportunities while you have them.
Marriage, ordinary dating, and romantic relationships can be much more difficult, with lower odds and potentially taking more time. So if you feel that might be the better path, I think you should take the chance and give it a try.
Papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) can also help you appreciate the value of a genuine connection. If that happens, it would probably be best to leave papa-katsu behind and move on.
Though it’s not easy to break away...
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I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member.
That’s a good question.
What you’re feeling isn’t something only women in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) experience—it’s actually common among men in papa-katsu (older men) as well.
In my case, I’m aware that the young woman I’m seeing probably won’t be in the same situation forever, and I sometimes wonder what will happen if her circumstances change.
Right now, she needs money, so we’re essentially a money-focused woman and a lecherous older man. Even so, we both understand the reality of our relationship, and we’re enjoying ourselves while putting genuine feeling into it.
I think what connects the two of us is that we share the same purpose in taking part in this. Since the relationship benefits both of us, I feel that’s why it continues in its current form.
In your case, it might help to go back and think about your purpose for doing papa-katsu. If your current situation has drifted away from that purpose, I think your options are simply to adjust it or pursue a new goal.
> Do you ever feel that the women you’re seeing are wasting their youth, or think that you should help them get married soon?
- I don’t think they’re wasting their time.
Seeing how hard they’re working to earn money or become more beautiful reminds me of how determined I was when I was young to become wealthy.
- I do hope they find someone to marry.
I tell them, “Dating your boyfriend is perfectly fine!” But I also tell them not to get caught up with anyone too strange（笑）
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I’m Flag Maker, a columnist.
There’s something heart-fluttering about a younger man’s straightforward approach, isn’t there? Haha.
That’s true. Staying single and continuing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) has its pros and cons, just as conventional dating with marriage in mind and getting married do. It’s not that one is inherently happier than the other—they both have their upsides and downsides.
In the end, it’s simply a matter of which you choose.
Everyone has their own reasons for doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), so I wouldn’t say you’re “wasting your youth.” But dating an immature man your own age, getting married despite the ups and downs, and continuing your married life can also be meaningful and valuable life experience. I think you’d be better off seriously dating someone like that.
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I’m Seattle, a male member.
“No dick attached,” lol. I think you should consider switching to marriage hunting.
You can’t do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) forever—that’s just how it is. You need to save money.
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