It’s painful that he absolutely can’t understand that I’m not materialistic.

Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here as well. > We get along well physically, and I appreciate the monthly allowance, so I have no intention of breaking up with him. But how should I explain it so that A will understand? I completely understand wanting the other person to understand your point of view. But they feel the same way. You both want the other person to understand a different perspective. In a situation like this, it seems that one of you will need to compromise. I think you should simply pretend you’ve developed an interest in material things and happily accept the presents. It won’t reduce your own money, and if it makes the other person happy, I think you can do that much for them. I assume you mean that you don’t want their money to decrease or want them to waste it. But I think it would be better to set that aside and prioritize thinking about what would make them happy. Also, if you choose birthday gifts that retain their value well, your loss will be minimal, and you’ll be able to convert them to cash if necessary. It might be a good idea to research which brands have the highest resale value. Actually, pure gold may have the highest resale value, so you could say, “I’ve never seen a 1 kg gold bar before, so I’d love one as a present.” (It would cost around 6.5 million yen right now, so you’d only be saying it as a joke. LOL) More realistically, you could ask for something like a one-ounce Vienna Philharmonic gold coin or a one-ounce Canadian Maple Leaf gold coin. I think they retain around 90% of their value, and if gold prices continue to rise, their resale value could eventually exceed 100%. (Gold was 4,335 yen per gram in August 2018, but 5,862 yen per gram in April 2020, so even at a 90% buyback rate, its value has increased.) They’ll probably say, “That’s not what I meant!” LOL By the way, Rolex is famous for men’s watches because they apparently have a high resale value compared with other watches. I’ve heard people say that they can come in handy if anything ever happens. Wishing you continued happiness together!

I’m Flagmaker, a columnist. I understand how you feel. My wife is exactly the same way. That said, I think the stress caused by differences in values like this is one of those common issues that often comes up in relationships and between people who are close. My answer is similar to Mac’s, but while you can’t understand why men think that way, I believe the men probably feel the same way about you. The concept of cognitive behavioral therapy may offer some insight into dealing with this stress. Put simply, it means changing the way you look at things. For example, suppose you’re stressed because you can’t communicate well with an unreasonable boss and get yelled at whenever something happens. If your thinking stops at “It’s my boss’s fault for being unreasonable” or “There’s no point in saying anything,” that won’t solve anything. It may feel a little strange, but trying to understand your boss’s way of thinking and finding the courage to express your own feelings may help reduce the stress. Being in a higher position doesn’t necessarily mean someone has better character. Your boss is just another person. As a middle manager, they’re constantly under pressure over performance, always irritated, and looking for someone to take it out on. Given their position, reprimanding “underperforming subordinates” is also part of their job. And on top of that, there’s me—someone who can’t communicate well and isn’t able to do what’s expected. So from my boss’s perspective, getting angry with me may seem completely natural and justified. Thinking about it that way can help reduce, to some extent, the tendency to add your own interpretations to being yelled at—such as “Maybe they hate me”—and make the stress even worse. In other words, you try to understand the other person’s thinking on your own, change the way you perceive the situation, and reduce your stress. I’m no expert, so I may have it wrong, though ^^; For that man, the purpose of making money is to enjoy luxury, and that’s what makes him happy. The dating club may be one of those luxuries, and giving gifts to women may be part of the enjoyment for him. Just as you’re happy to save money, his values make him happy to earn money and spend it on luxury. So he assumes other people feel the same way and wants to give you gifts because he wants to make you happy—and because giving gifts and indulging himself is enjoyable for him. It’s not that he’s ignoring your feelings and trying to force his values on you. This may only reduce your stress without actually solving anything, but in this case, perhaps you could assume that his underlying feelings are “I want to make you happy” and “Giving you gifts makes me happy,” and offer him a different kind of reward. Also, have you really made it clear to him that you genuinely prefer money? If you’ve simply given up because your values are different, expressing more firmly that what you want is money may help lead to a solution.

I’m Meg, a female member. Maybe things turned awkward because I got a little defensive, wanting the other person to understand my way of thinking. If you don’t intend to break things off, use the skills you’ve developed so far: - Don’t try to change the other person. - Smile and say thank you when they offer you something, and accept it for the time being. (After that, do as you please.) Getting along smoothly—that’s business. If he says, “You’re materialistic, aren’t you!?” you could just laugh it off with something like, “Oh, I come across that way? Haha.” That said, you wrote that this is painful for you. Constantly holding yourself back can be incredibly stressful. If you feel you’ve had enough, you can always walk away. There are people who will accept you just as you are—simple and genuine.

This is Mac, the column writer. It’ll be difficult to get him to understand, so you’re better off giving up. More importantly, you should try to understand him. Brands are a source of confidence for people who lack substance. Weak people arm themselves with brands as armor. If you tell someone like him that brands are pointless, you may hurt him. Start by making up with him by saying, “I’ve thought it over, and you’re right. Thanks to you, I’m starting to understand the appeal of brands too.” If you worked in Ginza, I would have thought you’d developed enough tact to hide your true feelings and go along with the other person—but were you just young, pretty, and constantly spoiled? A papa-katsu older man isn’t your future husband, so there’s absolutely no need for him to understand your values. Why are you taking this so seriously?

I’m Paper Airplane, a male member. I’m not interested in designer brands either. When you’re from Kansai, people sometimes brag about how cheaply they live—for example, saying, “The person with the highest balance at our branch owns an entire outfit that cost only a few hundred yen…” I have no interest in spending money on alcohol, cigarettes, gambling, or games, either. Among celebrities, Nishikawa apparently owns 30 pairs of socks that are all the same, and Steve Jobs wore the same black outfit every day… I totally agree that it’s incredibly rational. Why not just wear whatever works? So I suppose everyone is different—almost like different species. That said, I do think people who are alike in those respects probably get along more easily and smoothly overall… P.S. What the beautiful women who joined the club say… “Luxury cars, luxury hotels, fancy meals… If you’re going to waste money on stuff like that, just give me the money…” “Gifts worth over 100,000 yen… I don’t need that. Just give me the money…” I’m too honest for my own good, so I can’t take women from the club to fancy restaurants… I give them the money instead and keep things modest. Then the club scolded me, saying, “Don’t take them somewhere so cheap…” I wonder if that was from one of the girls who gave me a zero… (;_;)

I’m a male member based in Seattle. I’m not interested in designer clothes either. I might only own clothes from Uniqlo and Shimamura. I spend my money on travel. For gifts, I just give cash—including for White Day. I think everyone should do what works for them. I do like luxury hotels, though.