I’m the person who asked about having lunch at Denny’s for an allowance of 80,000 yen.
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It seems my explanation was insufficient and made some people feel uncomfortable, so I’d like to add some clarification.
If we were simply having a meal at a proper restaurant with private rooms, I would probably also go to a hotel afterward and pay the full 80,000-yen allowance. In other words, I would probably increase the number of meetings from twice a month to three times a month. The additional financial burden of increasing the number of meetings wouldn’t bother me.
What I’m hoping for isn’t to increase the number of adult relationships (intimate). Since the woman lives nearby, I thought it would be nice if, occasionally, I could casually invite her on a weekend morning by saying, “I’m free today—if you are too, how about lunch?” We could even go to Mos Burger or Starbucks, chat for 30 minutes or an hour over a sandwich or some light food to unwind, and then go our separate ways.
(I mentioned this earlier as well, but I think I started feeling this way because of the stress of staying home during COVID.)
For our usual dates, she makes an effort to dress up nicely. But for these lunches, I’d actually be perfectly happy if she came in a casual outfit, like no makeup with jeans and a T-shirt—or rather, I’d prefer it that way. Of course, she probably couldn’t literally come completely makeup-free.
I’d be happier if she came in the spirit of, “I live nearby and happened to be free, so I just slipped on some sandals and came out.”
While I was thinking about this, I read Romane’s answer. She said that because papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) inherently involves an allowance, it’s completely unacceptable to use self-isolation as an excuse not to meet while frequently sending women messages like a personal diary, attempting to exploit their services for free.
I simply wanted to ask what people thought about how my situation compares.
Needless to say, as Mac said, I have no way of knowing whether Romane would be grateful for an allowance of 50,000 yen. I wasn’t asking for Romane’s advice out of malice, but if my comment made her uncomfortable, I sincerely apologize.
Regarding Romane’s question about whether the allowance was what the woman wanted: when I asked her preferences at our first meeting, she said she was hoping for 60,000 or 70,000 yen. I suggested adding 10,000 yen for transportation and making it 80,000 yen, and she agreed.
Also, she isn’t some kind of platinum-level woman, as Mac speculated.
This has become a very long message, but Romane, I’m truly sorry if I made you uncomfortable.
(I only wanted to apologize to Romane, so there’s no need to answer this question.)
Columnist Joe is sticking his nose in again.
You strike me as a man with a strong sense of honor, and I feel that what you’re looking for is quite similar to what Joe wants. I can relate. You say that it’s not about the amount of the allowance. However, it’s generally believed that women registered with Universe are concerned with nothing but the amount of the allowance (according to the usual “Joe research,” of course).
This may be hard to believe, but I get the impression that quite a few women feel that “having lunch casually dressed at a fast-food place near home” is actually a higher hurdle, and say they’ll consider it depending on the allowance. Their reasoning is that it enters a more private realm. That said, I don’t know whether this applies to the woman you’re seeing.
In conclusion, as Zessho-san says, time may solve the issue. If you’d like to make it happen a little sooner, perhaps a monthly arrangement, as Mac-san suggests, would be the way to go.
To share a modest bit of Joe’s experience, with Sakura-chan, my first favorite, the allowance was “five figures,” regardless of whether there was an adult relationship. We only got a little frisky once, though (lol). Even so, we met around 30 times, so the total allowance came to about 1.5 million yen.
With Nana-hime, who was my favorite until recently (!), the allowance alone reached eight figures, so what I gave Sakura-chan seems like pocket change by comparison. Ah, May is the month when I’m reminded anew of how wonderful Sakura-chan was.
I hope your relationship remains peaceful.
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
I imagine you’d hate for someone to see you having dinner with some mysterious older man at a conspicuous family restaurant or somewhere similar in your neighborhood.
This may not be the best analogy, but suppose I worked as a rent-a-boyfriend and a good-paying client in her 60s said, “Since we live nearby, why don’t we go out for dinner without going through the agency—and without paying?” I’d hate that too, lol.
So I think the basic answer is probably “no,” though it ultimately depends on the relationship you have with the woman.
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I’m Meg, a female member.
It must be nice having someone nearby—I’m jealous!
If he was willing to give that much allowance and seemed like he’d treat me well, I’d be happy to go see him♪
What I’m trying to say is…
I’m jealous.
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Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here.
Maybe he wants to show that even though he has money, he still goes to places like Mos Burger. And if women like that kind of thing, I won’t stop them.
But he can go to those places by himself. Even among close acquaintances, there should still be some basic courtesy.
With that in mind, even if it’s just a casual lunch, if you’re meeting a woman, you should choose a restaurant with private rooms or somewhere a little stylish. And when going to that kind of place, saying you don’t want things to end with just dinner…
That way of thinking is so… ordinary.
I can’t help wondering why you’d try to save money there. In the first place, it sounds like he simply doesn’t want to pay because it’s only lunch at a cheap restaurant. From the woman’s perspective at a dating club, that would probably make him the worst kind of man.
Even if you judge things by Romane’s standards, that doesn’t necessarily mean the woman you’re currently seeing feels the same way.
In general, I’d advise against inviting a woman out for a meal without offering an allowance.
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I’m Hikōki, a male member.
Women in these clubs usually know how to keep club men—who are work and a major source of stress—separate from men they can casually and comfortably go out to eat with for free as a way to unwind, even when those men are around the same age as the person asking.
The two are completely different: work and private life.
If you’re looking for the kind of relationship described in your question, it would be wiser to look outside clubs and papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). That way, you won’t have to worry about allowances, and you’ll feel more at ease.
P.S. Also, the closer someone lives to you, the more likely it is that the woman herself will make that kind of invitation. Men should never be the ones to ask.
No one wants to have dinner with their boss even on their days off. Most people don’t even want to see their face.
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