I’m a male member.

I’m BB7, a male member. There are plenty of breakfast options at the nearby Denny’s, so I often go there by myself for breakfast. It’s quiet and not crowded in the mornings, which is nice. My favorite is the pork miso soup set meal. Sometimes I see mysterious couples with a big age gap. If both people are enjoying themselves and are happy with the arrangement, why not have a Denny’s date? But if it’s boring, unpleasant, and you don’t want to go, there’s no need to force yourself to join them—and they should stop pressuring you, too. A date where both people are reluctant is boring for everyone and a waste of time, whether it’s 8 or 10.

I’m Joe, a columnist. Romane specifically asked for my answer, and Romane has already given a wonderful response, but if I may, I’d like to weigh in too. I completely understand how you feel. To give you an idea of just how much, I understand you so well that I’d love to sit down and talk it over while knocking back some Hoppy at my favorite red-lantern bar in Shimbashi. And of course, it’s on me. Now, as Seattle-san said, unless the woman brings it up herself, let me be clear: free is not an option. At the same time, I also understand the questioner’s point of view—“I usually splurge on her, after all.” You may be thinking, “So which is it?” But that very conflict is the true appeal of this kind of adult relationship. I can’t give an exact figure because it depends on the relationship between the two of you, but giving a little extra is what being a man is all about. It’s a tough one, I know. So, to make things even a little easier for you, allow me to share a magic phrase: “A man can’t take back something once he’s put it on the table!” When I was in college, I worked part-time at a Chinese restaurant, and this is something a regular yakuza customer once said to me. Let me recreate the scene. This is a conversation at the register while settling the bill. Y: Hey, kid, you a student? J: Yes, that’s right. I’m studying at ○ University. Y: You’re a smart one. I’m not well educated, so study hard for the sake of Japan. J: Yes, sir. I’ll do my best. Y: Here, use this to buy yourself some books. (He hands me 30,000 yen.) J: I can’t accept this much. Y: A man can’t take back something once he’s put it on the table! Questioner, once you meet someone through this kind of arrangement, money will always be part of the picture. So let’s both do our best with that “can’t take it back!” spirit. And finally, I should mention that when the yakuza gentleman pulled his wallet from his inside pocket, I caught a glimpse of what appeared to be a handgun. Wait a minute… could that have been hush money?

I’m Paper Airplane, a male member. If you’re being given 80,000 yen per meeting, why not meet for dinner only sometimes and offer around half that—or 20,000–30,000 yen? I don’t think you’re being given that 80,000 yen solely for sex. If that leads to meeting more often, there may be times when you receive nothing, and you may eventually be able to meet whenever you want. Personally, meeting twice a month is ideal for men, while women may be okay with twice a week or more. So until around the fourth or fifth meeting of the month, I think it would be better to go to a hotel every time. P.S. To be honest, I don’t understand women who keep accepting 80,000 yen… It scares me… I choose to stay away… I just hope they don’t end up in a hopeless situation…

Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here as well. Someone paying ¥80,000 per date is inviting a woman to Denny’s??? If the nearest station is on the Yamanote Line, I feel like there should be plenty of restaurants with private rooms nearby if he looks. It just seems so unbalanced that it feels a little strange. I think inviting her to lunch is perfectly fine, and I can certainly understand that, from the man’s perspective, he wants the relationship to progress in that direction. However, if he can afford it, I think he would really impress anyone if he offered the same amount regardless of whether anything intimate happened. That would also subtly communicate that he values the time they spend together itself. That said, the fact that he’s suggesting Denny’s makes me think he probably doesn’t have that much financial leeway and is already stretching himself. So rather than trying to act wealthier than he is, I think it would be best to give her the transportation fee set for a first date on Univa—¥5,000 to ¥10,000. There may be women who would be satisfied with that, and if she isn’t, it seems likely that the conversation would naturally turn to continuing things after the meal. I hope you’re able to maintain a good relationship with the woman you’re seeing.

I’m a male member from Seattle. Even for dinner only, it’s a given that you should give her an allowance of at least 10,000 yen. She still has to spend time and make preparations. Of course, if she seems particularly busy, you can keep it modest. No allowance at all is out of the question unless the woman herself strongly insists otherwise. Going without an allowance might be acceptable if you’re moving toward a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship or marriage. But in that case, you won’t be able to meet other women either. If you’re okay with that, then it’s your call.