I’m a woman in my 20s and a member here.
Sorry to ask based on my experience with apps, but I’d appreciate your advice.
There’s a man I made a vague promise with to go out for dinner once things settle down with COVID.
While we were chatting and asking each other about our types, he said he likes clingy, affectionate girls.
In a relationship involving money rather than a typical romantic relationship, what does it mean to be spoiled? I feel like asking for presents or having him take me on trips would count, but maybe that’s different from what he has in mind…
I’d appreciate everyone’s thoughts on what being spoiled means in this kind of relationship.
I’m Meg, a female member.
That’s a good question.
I’ve tried to summarize what it means to act spoiled, step by step, in my own way:
① Infancy: through changes in your cries
② Early childhood: by throwing tantrums
③ Before starting school: wanting someone to look only at you
④ Elementary school: like a dog
⑤ Middle school: like a cat
⑥ High school: by keeping your distance
⑦ Beyond that: while being mindful of your surroundings and knowing your place
This is a rough outline, and I’m sure there are exceptions and differing opinions.
Still, by now, you’ve experienced all of stages ① through ⑥ yourself.
You might as well make full use of those skills.
Of course, how the person on the receiving end feels about it will vary from one person to another.
You’re not the one who decides:
“I’ll buy you a present,”
or
“I’ll take you on a trip.”
Let’s try to live humbly and avoid acting spoiled by taking advantage of someone’s wealth.
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This is Joe, your columnist.
There’s only one way to find out: take him up on it, just as you were thinking.
I’m pretty sure it’ll become obvious within five seconds whether your expectations and his intentions actually match.
To Joe, “Let’s go grab a meal once things settle down with COVID” is packed with red flags. Don’t forget: people who use COVID as an excuse are rarely any good. Though, of course, that’s just according to Joe.
And, as a final confession, Joe sometimes uses that line too (embarrassed).
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Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here as well.
> Personally, I feel that asking for presents or having him take you on trips would count as acting spoiled.
For example, if after meeting in person, a man really takes a liking to a woman and says something like, “You can lean on me as much as you want,” then he may well mean that it’s okay for her to ask him for presents.
However, if he says, “I like clingy girls,” he’s talking about liking women with that kind of personality. He probably means things like clinging to him for no particular reason or telling him she wants to see him more—in other words, her behavior and personality.
And for men like that, I think the strategy Romane described is probably the most effective.
If he realizes it’s all an act, it’ll be a turnoff and work against you. But if you can make him believe that you’re genuinely that kind of woman, then from his perspective, you’ll become someone he won’t want to let go of.
That said, Romane, you’re seriously amazing... Though I imagine you must be pretty scary to the men you date, haha.
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I’m Hikouki, a male member.
I don’t think “clingy” has any particular meaning in this context.
As long as she reacts normally, gives you a reasonable amount of attention, and shows that she cares, I think that should be fine.
I’m not sure if this is a good comparison, but:
I exchange emails with my son less than once a year, and I can’t even remember the last time we had a conversation.
With my daughter, perhaps because we’re staying home more, we exchange messages every day like, “What should I pick up for you?” and have natural conversations.
In a dating club, both parties may find it difficult to say things they’re uncomfortable bringing up, so it’s easy not to notice when the gap between you is quietly growing. You do need to be careful.
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