There’s a man who treats me like a friend. I don’t mind that as part of building communication, but he messages me constantly on LINE about trivial things and work-related concerns, yet never actually makes plans for a date. What does he really want in the end?

I’m Date◎Yume, a male member. > What are people who never make plans to actually meet up trying to accomplish in the end? I can really understand where this male member is coming from. I think he simply wants to have conversations. Generally speaking, women join primarily for the money, and I think that’s something men acknowledge too. But perhaps what he means is: “Wouldn’t it be boring if that were all there was to it?” … “Isn’t that taking the transactional aspect a little too far?” That may be the point. In this particular case, I do wonder how the man has so much free time, though… When you actually date through a dating club, it can be a surprisingly interesting relationship with money involved. I think the best approach is to agree on the general framework of the arrangement so that neither person feels stressed. For example, you could decide how many times you’ll meet each month and set a communication pattern, such as exchanging one message each way per day. As long as you can enjoy the relationship within those boundaries, that should be fine. I also sometimes think that women may have things they want to talk about besides money.

I’m Meg, a female member. I’d love to tell you, “Don’t bother with someone that troublesome.” But given the times we’re living in, I can understand why you’d hesitate. That man probably thinks you have nothing better to do. Try clearly telling him where you stand. If he still doesn’t get it, then I’d say, “So long!” Personally, I’d feel he wasn’t even worth meeting in the first place, though. Sorry if that offended you. m(_ _)m

Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here as well. > What are people really trying to do when they never settle on a date to meet in person? Could it be that you haven’t actually met this man even once yet—in other words, he’s someone you met through an online date? I’m still not entirely sure why men use online dates, but if it was an online date, perhaps he never intended to meet in person at this time and plans to decide whether to meet only after the coronavirus situation settles down. That would mean having to keep him interested until then, which sounds difficult. So I think it would be fine to send him something along the lines of: “I’ll look forward to hearing from you once you’ve decided when you’ll be able to meet.” After that, you can probably just ignore any other messages.

I’m a male member, paper airplane. I think it’s best to meet somewhere other than Tokyo, but… Even if you explain your difficult situation and they still won’t meet you, it’s probably best to just leave it at that—whether they’ve read your message and ignored it or haven’t opened it at all.

I’m a male member, BB7. I’m not sure what your LINE conversations are like, but I think you should tell him that you want to use LINE only for making arrangements, that you don’t have the time or intention to keep him company when he’s bored, and that you’d prefer going on dates rather than chatting on LINE. If you don’t say it, he can’t know. You’re two different people to begin with, so it’s only natural for your expectations and needs to differ. You may think, “This is how a club arrangement should work,” or “This is what a relationship should be like,” but sometimes those expectations align and sometimes they can be completely out of sync. If you tell him and he backs off, that simply means he understood. On the other hand, if he stops contacting you and the relationship ends, then so be it. It just means your needs and what you were each looking for in a partner were different. There’s nothing to be done about that.