Tips
Apr 27, 2020 00:33
8 answers
👨 Male
Universe member
I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
This may be a little different from how everyone else sees it, but I wondered whether the man isn’t unable to pay, but instead:
1. He wants to be rejected so he can bring the relationship to a proper close, or
2. He feels the relationship isn’t worth it.
It might be worth asking him whether the relationship has become a burden for him.
Meg
Female
Send a reverse offer to this responder
🏅 修行の身
光と影
Age: 50s
👩 Female
Former Universe member
I’m Meg, a female member.
Please stop with the future-tense “if…” statements!
They’re nothing but heartbreaking.
Especially in this kind of relationship.
We’re always living with the thoughts that:
- I might get cut off
- This might be the last time
Please don’t make us even more anxious.
For me, the present progressive is everything.
Other
I’m Marika, a female member.
“How are things for you right now? If it’s a difficult time, it’s okay to take a little break.”
That should work. Adjust how polite or casual you are based on your relationship with the man.
The message above shows concern for a man who seems to be struggling because his work has been affected by COVID, while also implying, “If you don’t have the money, we won’t meet—but once you’re able to pay again, we can meet.”
If you agree to meet without an allowance even once, there’s a chance it will continue that way even after he has more financial breathing room.
That said, don’t forget to maintain an attitude of genuine concern for him and his work situation. You might also say things like, “Message me once in a while” (though be careful—some people will happily start messaging you several times a day), or “I’m looking forward to seeing you again once things settle down at work, so hang in there.” It may be a good idea to let him know that you don’t want things to end.
I feel bad about coming up with something so calculated, but I think it could be effective. What do the men here think?
Other
I’m a male member, BB7.
Because of the impact of COVID, some male members may find themselves with less financial leeway. Things are always changing, so no one knows what will happen to either themselves or their partner.
I’m not sure whether “I can’t pay” means no allowance at all or simply a reduced amount. And naturally, only the man himself knows whether he truly can’t afford it, is lying to end things, or is testing how she feels about him.
In the end, I think it comes down to what you want. Some people may decide to part ways because they love the person but don’t want to continue without an allowance. Others may choose to continue because they love them and don’t mind seeing them for free. Either way, there’s no need to feel guilty. What happened before is in the past, and from here on, you can decide what comes next.
🏅 あなたの味方
お役に立てれば幸いです。
Age: Private
👨 Male
Universe staff
I’m Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office, and I’ll answer as well.
> Someone who’s truly like a romantic partner
I’m not quite sure what you mean by this.
The moment you say “like” a romantic partner, they’re not actually your partner, so I’d consider this a normal arrangement.
You could have replied, “I’d be sad if you thought I had no value.”
When the subject of not receiving any money comes up, I think it’s better to ask, “How much do you think I’m worth?” and try to gauge how the other person really feels.
What you do if they say your value is zero yen is entirely up to you.
(Though I think it would be better to end things.)
> I love him very much, but I feel guilty that I couldn’t bring myself to say, “You don’t have to pay me”…
Even if you love him very much, I think you should recognize that this is different.
If you were seeing each other in a way that involved meeting his parents, represented a genuine romantic relationship, or suggested that marriage was close at hand, then the situation would be different.
Other
This is Saito, a columnist ♪
If you truly care about someone, you may continue sending them money even if you can’t meet or your business isn’t going as planned. Conversely, if continuing would only cause them trouble, you may decide to break up.
If he’s asking about your intentions by saying, “I might not be able to pay you anymore,” he’s simply evaluating your worth—and that’s the kind of man he was all along.
Honestly, when I read this, I thought, “I’m sure there are men like that too…”
But if the roles were reversed, I would much rather be with a woman who gritted her teeth and endured than one who contacted me saying,
“I’ve lost my income, so please help me.”
You should reply:
“I want to make the most of my youth, so it’s unfortunate, but I’ll have to look for someone else.”
And why not ask the club specifically for “Mac, Saito, or Papa-katsu Gentleman”?
If, after two years together, all you have to show for the relationship is money changing hands—with no self-improvement or personal growth—then you’re one of the people who failed at papa-katsu.
🏅 ４０歳でリアル異世界転生したオッサン l 元金融マン → 現ＡＩ界隈
出張ホストの実技試験合格してるので、対女性への無難な前戯とかマナーに一定の知見あり。
Age: 40s
👨 Male
Universe member
I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
Honestly, I can understand where the man is coming from, but I feel that he should have had the decency to keep comments like that to himself. When men stop caring about looking good, or abandon their principles and personal code, they can really become pathetic^^;
It’s embarrassing for a grown man to ask questions designed to “test” the other person like that.
Here’s my advice.
I think this man is looking for your “feelings,” so try telling him, “I really like you, so I don’t need an allowance.” The result could go one of two ways: he may be satisfied by hearing that and continue paying your allowance as before, or he may take you literally and stop paying it.
If the latter happens, you can decide how you feel at that point. If you think, “Actually, I can’t do this without an allowance,” then that’s probably your honest feeling.
🏅 倶楽部女性のご主人様に潤いを！
Mパパ、永遠の交際継続中！
B1タイプ〜A寄りパパです！
会う度大人は嫌と感じる方………ご相談ください。
Age: Private
👨 Male
Universe member
I’m Kamihikoki, a male member.
It depends on whether she’s bringing up the money because you’re genuinely close, almost like a couple, and she wants to take things to a deeper level—or because the man can no longer afford to pay or simply doesn’t want to anymore.
Normally, I think she’s asking because she wants to confirm his feelings.
If it’s the former, you could say:
“Yeah, that’s fine! Just give it to me when you need to.”
Or:
“What’s up? What should I do?”
and talk it through.
If it’s the latter, there’s nothing to do but gradually distance yourself. Wait until you meet your next man.
Still, bringing it up after two years seems awfully late…
If you’ve been together for two years and he really likes you, he’s probably built up quite a store of affection. Little things add up, so he might be willing to give you any kind of reward…
P.S. Mac
Well, it’s true that bringing it up after two years would probably surprise him too…
Normally, both people would discuss something like this during the first one or two meetings, or within the first month. So putting the woman in a position where she doesn’t know how to respond is far too one-sided.
Usually, the woman would bring it up as well, and it should become a topic that both of you discuss…
And as for you, the person asking the question—you weren’t really like lovers; you simply liked the money. That much is clear. And I think that’s fine.
If you were truly like lovers, you wouldn’t have trouble answering.
Besides, even a wife is eventually just a former lover—you can’t become lovers again.
Even with a girlfriend, once the relationship goes on for a long time, she becomes a former lover, and you can never go back to being lovers like you were at the beginning.