I’m Flagmaker, a column writer.
I agree with Hana’s answer. I don’t think there’s any problem with going on second and subsequent dates only with men you feel you could pursue an adult relationship (intimate) with.
If you don’t think an adult relationship (intimate) is possible but still continue seeing someone, things will probably become troublesome in the end.
Personally, though, I’m similar to Joe in that I’ve never felt someone misrepresented their type or anything like that. I usually just think, “It’s my fault.”
Maezawa from the Planning Department here as well.
“Relationship type” indicates how proactive a woman is.
So, if you genuinely feel that this accurately reflects your level of proactiveness, then even if you turn down an invitation from a man, it is not technically fraud.
However, it seems that information is circulating somewhere suggesting that choosing a certain relationship type will lead to more offers. As a result, some women choose their relationship type regardless of their actual level of proactiveness.
That is the problem. Since those women are lying, it can be considered fraud, and they may even be forcibly banned from the club.
If you have “no objection to an adult relationship (intimate),” your relationship type would probably be C or D.
However, judging from your statement that “relationships after the second date are up to the individuals, so I don’t think the club knows how many dates it takes before you go to a hotel,” your type would probably be B or A.
Also, even if the club itself doesn’t know, the man may file a complaint, such as:
“We went on three dates, but she kept turning me down, so she should be A, not B.”
Or if a woman tells a man, “I’m looking for someone who only wants a dinner-only relationship,” a report may come in saying:
“She’s A, not B.”
When we receive reports like these, we also ask the woman for her side of the story, but it does raise suspicions of fraud.
If similar reports come from multiple men, it is treated as confirmed fraud, and the woman is forcibly banned.
> If I feel during the first meeting that I can’t have an adult relationship (intimate) with this person, how can I tell him without being rude?
First, if you choose relationship type B, B means you do not have an adult relationship (intimate) on the first meeting, so you can simply decline.
Even if he invites you, you can say something like:
“We’ve only just met today, so I’d like some time to think about it.”
You can also decline if you are type C or D.
Men often say they want you to be direct—whether they really mean that or not—so you could simply say:
“I’m sorry.”
and end the relationship.
> Also, could receiving negative feedback and having my rating lowered because the relationship did not progress to an adult relationship (intimate) be a possibility?
Basically, no.
However, sometimes a man may claim that it was a relationship-type scam, so I recommend sending feedback to the club first.
For example:
“I was planning to go through with it, but he didn’t discuss the allowance, so I declined.”
Or:
“The allowance was lower than I had hoped, so I declined.”
As long as you clearly explain to the staff what went wrong, even if the man complains, the conclusion will be: “If the woman simply wasn’t interested, then it wasn’t fraud.”
I’m Joe, a columnist.
I may be in the minority, but I basically don’t believe that someone choosing Relationship Type B is committing a dating scam.
On this forum, quite a few gentlemen say, “If it doesn’t lead to an intimate relationship by the second or third meeting under Type B, it’s a Type B scam!” I can understand where they’re coming from, but speaking with a bit of self-reflection—and putting myself in their shoes—I can’t help thinking, “What a lame old guy!”
The club’s standard for Relationship Type B is “from the second meeting onward,” so personally, I don’t consider it a scam even if it takes ten meetings or a hundred. Though realistically, things probably won’t continue that long.
In conclusion, I think the questioner should go with Type B, just as they were thinking, without worrying about being accused of a Type B scam. You can always change it later.
The real issue is how to avoid being rude. Questions like this come up here all the time. There’s no magic phrase that works for everyone, especially since every situation is different. Honestly, my personal feeling is, “Think it through yourself!” But that would be rather unhelpful, so here’s one piece of advice: the important thing is to explain yourself politely and sincerely.
If the other person gets angry despite that, then they simply weren’t the right person for you. And even if they leave negative feedback, you can just explain your side properly to the club. Worrying about feedback before you’ve even registered is putting the cart before the horse!
I sincerely hope the questioner has a wonderful encounter. I really mean that!
Sorry for the long post.
I’m a male member who goes by “Paper Airplane.”
Normally, I’d say that as long as you write something like, “I’m a B-type who leans more toward A and am cautious about adult relationships (intimate),” you should be fine.
But in your case, it seems you’d be fine even without writing that.
If you feel it won’t work after the first meeting, just leave the message unread or don’t meet him a second time.
If you force yourself to meet him again, a man who expected you to be closer to a C-type may cause trouble, or leave false feedback about you, which could hurt your ratings.
