I’m always reading your posts!

I’m a male member, BB7. Is that really an established rule of thumb? In ordinary dating outside the club, if a woman says she’s okay with it from the first date, I don’t particularly care. I mean, if we both click right away and feel attracted to each other, isn’t it natural for things to progress that way? Is having sex in a normal relationship really such a special ritual? Even if it happens on the first date, I don’t understand why that would mean you don’t value the woman, take her lightly, or that it’s somehow wrong. I suppose a guy who uses a woman and then disappears wouldn’t be valuing her, but I’m not that kind of person... Conversely, there are women who, no matter how many years you date, can’t imagine becoming more than friends. It’s not that I particularly value those women in that way—I simply don’t see them as romantic partners. That’s all. Regarding Mac’s answer: There are three kinds of sex: 1) Sex for money 2) Sex for the sake of sex 3) Sex to love and be loved Basically, I’m the same type as Mac: number three. Unless I’m accepted for who I am first, I don’t feel inclined to cherish the other person. Someone like me probably isn’t suited to the club scene (笑).

I’m Meg, a female member. That’s such a good question—you could practically write a thesis about it. > The common belief that “once you start with a physical relationship, the excitement fades, and you’ll never become boyfriend and girlfriend after that.” > What would you think if someone of the opposite sex you met in everyday life said, “I’d be fine with becoming intimate on the first date”? It also feels like the kind of topic that could be featured on a TV show. I wonder how many men think, “She’d let me get intimate with her on the first date?!” Actually, I’m the type who thinks it might be okay even on the first date… because I’ve done things that contradict the common belief you mentioned. I place a lot of importance on the process leading up to it. I compared the two based purely on my own personal bias, haha. ＜Ordinary romantic relationships＞ Boyfriend = Girlfriend They are equals. ＜Dating clubs＞ Papa (a male supporter) ↑ Not equals ↓ There is a hierarchy Papa-katsu women ◎ What both have in common A sense of insecurity—wondering when you’ll be cut off or dumped. The degree of insecurity is greater in dating clubs. As Mr. Paper Airplane said: > The woman treats it as a job, while the man is like the customer, and by involving money, both parties can continue pursuing their respective goals. Because money is involved, even if they enter into an adult relationship (intimate) from the very first day, they probably don’t tend to feel that the excitement has “faded.” After all, it’s a transactional relationship from the start. (Though there’s still a chance one of them may get bored.) That said, it doesn’t mean the possibility of marriage is zero. There are even people who met through a dating club and eventually got married. I suppose that’s what makes relationships between men and women so fascinating. As for the type Mac was talking about, I can say without a doubt that I’m number 3: the poor unfortunate woman.

Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here as well. > In ordinary romantic relationships, there’s supposedly a common belief that “if you become intimate first, the feelings will fade, and you’ll never become boyfriend and girlfriend from there.” Is that really a common belief? Nowadays? That was my first reaction, but if “first” means that you’ve had dinner, watched a movie, or gone to an aquarium, and then become intimate later that same day, I’m not sure I’d consider that quite the same thing. Of course, even if it happens on the second or third date, I suppose it would still count as “first” if you become intimate before becoming a couple. If we define an ordinary romantic relationship as one without money involved, it seems unlikely that two people would meet and immediately become intimate. There would probably be something like a date beforehand, and they’d have conversations too. In that case, I feel that saying someone will lose interest unless they become a couple before becoming intimate doesn’t quite make sense. I think almost everyone who isn’t a child understands that compatibility in an adult relationship is also important. With that in mind, even if the time before becoming intimate is short, I don’t think it necessarily means their feelings will fade.

I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member. That’s a good question. My basic way of thinking is the same as Mack’s. When two adults start seeing each other, I do think an adult relationship (intimate) from the very first day can be an option, but I’ve never experienced it myself. I’ve never brought it up, and no one has ever invited me to. I think both men and women probably just avoid saying it outright to look cool（笑）, as a matter of social convention（?）. Indeed, perhaps “adult relationships included” is another social convention that comes into play with dating clubs（笑）.

I’m Flagmaker, a column writer. If I were single and genuinely saw a woman as a romantic prospect, I wouldn’t be put off even if I thought she was open to it from day one. But even if she invited me to, I’d probably turn her down on the first day. I value taking things in the proper order. That way, I can say later, “I wanted to cherish you and have a serious relationship with you from the very beginning. I didn’t want you to misunderstand my intentions, so I turned you down—even though I really wanted to sleep with you.” I like setting up those kinds of flags—laying the groundwork in advance—lol.

I’m Paper Airplane, a male member. You’re exactly right. At a club, women treat it as work, while men are the users, so both sides can continue achieving their goals through money. When it comes to meeting someone through everyday life, I clearly distinguish between women who go to a hotel on the first date and those who don’t. If I only find a woman attractive because I’m interested in her physically, I’ll go to a hotel with her on the first date, and that’s the end of it. As far as I can remember, I’ve never continued seeing a woman who turned down the hotel. With a woman I genuinely like and want to date, I’d prefer to wait until the fourth or fifth date before going to a hotel. I’d rather be excused from doing that on the first date. After that, we may get engaged, get married, get divorced, or go through all sorts of things, but I’m still in touch with all of them today. If a woman told me she was okay with it from the first date, I wouldn’t want to pursue a relationship with her. P.S. Mac, I think almost everyone, both men and women, probably falls into: 3) Sex as a way to love and be loved Whether it starts on the first date or after the love has grown, wouldn’t that be the type most people are? For the type that waits until the love has grown, wouldn’t it be sex where you love each other and deepen your love? That may be a little different from the type that starts on the first date. For the type that waits until the love has grown, you get butterflies when you hold hands, feel moved when you share your first kiss, feel love when your tongues meet, shiver when your bodies touch, and become intoxicated when you embrace each other. Things progress gradually, little by little, as you confirm your compatibility and make sure of—and deepen—your feelings for each other. Then, you finally become one, almost as proof that you’ll continue loving each other far into the future. You can’t experience that kind of step-by-step progression in just two or three dates. If things move forward after only a few dates, you end up skipping over the excitement and emotional build-up. Also, the more you build together, the deeper your connection becomes, and the longer it lasts—until you genuinely need each other and it continues as what feels like eternal love. Wait, is something wrong here?? As I write this, am I starting to sound like some kind of romance fanatic?? lol P.P.S. Mac, That’s right. Since I don’t have sex on the first date, it’s not really relevant to me. I honestly can’t understand why anyone would want to have sex on the first date lol. I’m the type who wants to focus on deepening the love and value I share with one woman, so I’m not interested in the number of partners. Rather than being with 100 different people, I’d prefer to deepen my love with one person 100 times over. That’s why I can’t really get used to the immediate approach of Type C. I can’t enjoy it unless I can experience the process of progressing through Type A and Type B. Am I just a romance fanatic?? I wonder lol By the way, in ordinary romantic relationships, are there really people who have sex on the first date and fall into categories 1) or 2)? 1) would probably include women at clubs whose only focus is work, though.