How long do your dates usually last?

I’m Meg, a female member. You can spend that much time in bed together...? W-e-l-l, good for you☆ My dates are during the day too, but even at most, I can only see them for about four hours (sigh). I’m so jealous! I’d love to spend as much time together as possible and get all cuddly! That said, your situation seems a little different—sorry. > You’re starting to feel reluctant to make plans for the next time. Am I the only one who feels like the answer is already clear at this point...? I really don’t think your partner is going to shorten the amount of time you spend together.

Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here as well. I think the person asking this question is so attractive that her partner finds himself wanting to spend more time with her. And because she seems easygoing and generally gentle in the way she interacts, he probably assumes that she’s ultimately okay with it. If you’re prepared to accept that the relationship might end, why not try a little strategy? First, if you’ve already set a date for your next meeting, cancel while there’s still enough notice to avoid it being a last-minute cancellation—at least three days in advance—saying that something came up. He’ll probably bring up rescheduling, so avoid committing by saying something like, “I’m not sure of my schedule yet, so I’ll get back to you once I know.” After leaving things alone for a while, he’ll likely message you asking whether you’ve figured out your schedule. At that point, say something like: “I’m free on the ○th, but I have plans afterward, so I can only meet for three hours. Would that day work for you?” If he suggests another day, just repeat that you still don’t know your schedule yet. Finally, if he says he’d still like to meet even if it’s only for three hours, go ahead and meet him that day. Of course, you’ll need to make sure you leave promptly after exactly three hours. If you use the same approach going forward—“I have plans afterward, so I can only meet for three hours. What would you like to do?”—you should be able to keep each meeting to three hours. That said, you’ll need to make an effort to accommodate him occasionally—say, once every two or three months—for a full day, or around five hours if a full day is too long. That should make it possible to continue meeting for three hours at a time for a while afterward. You probably don’t need to explain why you suddenly have so many plans, but he’ll likely ask, so it would be a good idea to come up with a plausible reason he can accept.

I’m Date◎Yume, a male member. I agree with the opinion of the “Harsh Realities of Papa-Katsu” gentleman. “Meeting each other halfway” is important, after all (haha).

I’m Flag Maker, a papa-katsu column writer. For my own reasons, I make each date a strict four-hour session. But men who have more time to spare may secretly want to take things slowly, spend longer together for the agreed allowance, or go for a second round. Rather than approaching him in a way that’s overly considerate and avoids rocking the boat, why not toy with him as if you’re “training” him? For example: “Sorry! I have to leave today because something came up, but I’ll make it up to you next time, so be patient until then, okay? Mwah ♡” Some men would probably love that.

I’m Basil, a male member. I usually spend about three to four hours per date, depending on what you prefer. At first it’s one thing, but when you’ve been seeing someone for a long time, you may start to run out of things to talk about, like hitting a rut. I’m not young anymore either, so once per date is enough for me. I’ve never gone on a weekday daytime date. On weekends, I want time for my own hobbies, and on weekday evenings, I find myself thinking about the next day. Make the most of the time when he still says he wants to spend a long time with you. Men tend to seek out different women. Please keep in mind that if you ask for too much, he may lose interest, and you could risk losing everything. I think it’s important to accommodate the other person too.

I’m a male member, “Paper Airplane.” Spending four hours in bed sounds exhausting. (A picture of heaven for the man and hell for the woman, perhaps?) Even if you’re together for the same four or five hours—even at a hotel—the activities should vary. If it’s a hotel-only arrangement like the one described, two and a half to three and a half hours should be plenty. So I think it would help to spend more time having a leisurely meal somewhere or going out, and to suggest things like which café you’d like to visit or what shop you’d like to browse, so that the time in bed is reduced to about half. The man probably assumes that women enjoy sex too, so unless you’re a little more matter-of-fact and wrap things up decisively, it may continue for that long. Men tend to want to stay in bed even one second longer, so their way of thinking is the opposite of women’s. When the time is shorter, you could say things like, “That was nice,” or “The long sessions before were pretty difficult,” and gently let him know that you find it tiring when it goes on too long, without upsetting him. That may help guide things toward shorter sessions in the future. If he likes spending a long time being affectionate, you could spend that time looking something up together, discussing something, searching for something, or playing a game. I think it would be good to create time together doing things that you also enjoy. Also, every now and then, it might help to tell him that you have plans scheduled for a certain time that day, whether or not you actually do.