I’m a woman in my 40s.

I’m Basil, a male member. Like everyone else, given the current circumstances and the tendency to compare oneself with other women, I don’t think it’s a good idea to bring up increasing the allowance. Rather, depending on the woman, saying something like, “Things are tough with the economy being so bad,” and offering to downgrade the restaurant or hotel can actually improve her impression of you. In my case, maybe once a year, if I’m asked for something, I may give a special bonus—anywhere from ¥10,000 to an amount equivalent to one allowance payment. This is the time to play it safe. Keep the future in mind, and lay the groundwork so you’ll have an excuse to ask for something later—and so she’ll appreciate you.

I’m Flagmaker, a columnist. I don’t think you should negotiate for a higher allowance. It’s probably better for keeping things going if you accept that there’s only so much you can ask of that man. If you want a higher allowance, your only real option may be to keep seeing him while looking for another papa (a male supporter). When you conduct yourself well, men may say things like, “I’d like to see you more,” even if they don’t offer a higher allowance. But I’ve been winding down my activities lately, so I replied, “I do understand that things are easier with me… but I do have a budget, after all. Sorry, but you’ll have to try your luck with other papas for anything more than this m(_ _)m Please keep me pretty low on your priority list ^^;” That said, if you’re prepared for them to say no, I think it’s worth asking. You may learn more about the man’s dating style and budget, which could help you find ways to enjoy yourselves more within that budget—or shift some of the date expenses into your allowance.

I’m Saito, the columnist♪ I’m back after quite a while. Just as Mac says: “I absolutely think you should stay away from it for now.” Lots of beautiful and young women are coming in to negotiate by lowering their rates. Even the time you have now could disappear in an instant.

I’m Marika, a female member. I’m in my 40s too. A man who chooses to date someone in her 40s is probably specifically looking for someone in that age range, so I don’t think he’ll necessarily turn to younger women just because you ask for an increase. That said, bringing it up could easily ruin the good atmosphere you have now, so I still think it’s best not to ask. If you’d like to increase the total amount a little, why not ask him to meet a bit more often? You could add something like, “It doesn’t have to be somewhere fancy every time.” That may make him feel that you genuinely like him. As for asking for things, I’d say only do it if it feels appropriate based on your usual dating pattern with him. Bringing it up out of nowhere by saying, “There’s something I want…” can be difficult. Still, since the male respondents are recommending it, maybe it could work!?

Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here as well. > I’ve continued the relationship because I’d rather keep things going under the current terms than negotiate my allowance and risk being disliked. If that’s how you feel, I think it’s best to leave things as they are. Negotiating your allowance could potentially damage your current relationship. For that reason, I think you should only negotiate when you’re prepared to accept that the relationship might end if the current terms aren’t acceptable. Another way to look at it is this: As much as you don’t want to think about it, the relationship could end suddenly one day. It may be worth asking yourself whether, at that point, you’d regret not having asked for more. If you think you would regret it, then even if negotiating now leads to the relationship ending, it may simply be unavoidable. For the future, you should probably assume that negotiating a higher allowance midway through a relationship is basically not possible. Usually, the amount stays the same as at the beginning, or gets reduced slightly. (If you’re unhappy about it being reduced, I think it’s fine to end the relationship there.) If the amount seems a little low when you’re first approached, the best approach is to tell them honestly what amount you’re looking for without compromising—and decline if they can’t agree. It’s extremely difficult to get your allowance increased later. The initial negotiation is crucial, so make sure to discuss your terms properly from the start.

I’m Date◎Yume, a male member. The bottom line is the same as what the other men have said: “It’s better not to negotiate for a higher allowance.” The reason is that I want you to understand the unseen opponents. That said, if you’re going to try, then, as Paper Airplane says, “Your only option is to ask for it!” In my case, asking for it can mean cash, no problem. An allowance and asking for something do feel different, don’t they… I think the balance point for the allowance could be shifted a little more in my favor, though… As for asking, it’s more like, “Oh, all right, then.” Good luck（笑）

I’m Papahikōki, a male member. I’m sorry. Given your age, if you bring it up, it may actually be the right time to negotiate a reduction in the allowance—something that may have been difficult to discuss until now. (In my case, I reduced it without negotiating, so I feel it would be inappropriate for me to suggest saying this.) If he were willing to increase it, I think he would have done so already. Women tend to want more as the relationship continues. Men, on the other hand, tend to want to pay less as time goes on—as the woman gets older. I think both sides probably feel that way. P.S. If you do say something, make it a request rather than a negotiation! Asking directly for an increase in the allowance will come across as obvious dissatisfaction and leave a very bad impression. (At your age, in your 40s, he can always switch to someone five or ten years younger. If he’s 20 years older than you, younger women are also an option for him.) Even if he keeps turning down your requests, he won’t feel bad if you’re simply being a little playful and asking sweetly. So I think it’s fine to rely on him and ask whenever the opportunity comes up. If those requests build up over time, he may feel that you’re cute and naturally want to do something for you in return. I think the man you’re seeing is probably captivated by you, so even if he grumbles a bit, the fact that he keeps meeting you is probably something he secretly enjoys as a man. P.P.S. If you’ve been seeing each other for a long time: I also have a girlfriend in her 40s, so I don’t feel this is someone else’s problem. I’ll share one method I actually used to increase what she received. We used to stay at the nicest hotels, sometimes with private open-air baths. Instead, I gave her the hotel budget up front and let her choose the room herself. She chose the cheapest room, which meant she ended up with a fair bit more for herself. Another method—which may depend on the man—is to give her a set amount for dinner. If she chooses McDonald’s or Yoshinoya, she gets to keep the remainder. From the man’s perspective, the total amount spent stays the same, while the woman receives more. I’m also a chef, so perhaps I simply don’t find the restaurant itself to be the main attraction of a date. For that reason, I wouldn’t particularly recommend this approach. Also, as Marika mentioned, talking about increasing the number of meetings can be effective. Negotiating an increase in the allowance may not be a good idea, but it’s perfectly fine to repeatedly express, in a sweet and affectionate way, that you’d like more money or to see him more often. In fact, this may come across more naturally from a woman in her 40s. You just need to be careful not to make it sound like a complaint. > “We don’t have to go somewhere fancy every time.” Saying something like that can make him feel that you genuinely like him. The fact that you eat at stylish restaurants and do other things like that makes it clear that he already likes you quite a lot. So I think you can definitely make him want to say, “I’ll figure something out for you!” Once he feels that way, he may come up with ways to increase the number of meetings or adjust where you go for meals.

I’m Meg, a female member in my 40s. Hehe. Oh, let me say this first: the post above isn’t my question, okay? I’m honestly so jealous??? Dinner at a stylish restaurant, a relaxing time at a lovely hotel, and round-trip transportation costs covered. And on top of that, he’s the kind of man who can make a woman completely smitten? How wonderful☆ I could never ask for anything more myself, but is the allowance really that low...? Part of me does want to know the exact amount, though. If you’re young, you can say, “I got lowballed with an allowance of 3!” But I’m in my 40s, a flat-chested housewife with children... What could I possibly say to a man willing to meet someone like me? When I think about working a regular job or taking a part-time job, the idea that I can spend two to four hours having a wonderful time with someone and receive tens of thousands of yen in allowance on top of that makes me think, “What kind of world is this?” Even if the questioner’s allowance was 3, in my position, I would never say I was being lowballed—not even if I felt that way deep down! ...Sorry, I got a little carried away. By the way, my partner is also 20 years older than me (*^^*) We’ve only met a few times so far, but I’m already completely smitten. I hope it lasts a long time. I could relate to so much of what you wrote. You’re lucky to have met someone like that. I’m rooting for you♪ > Knowing the invisible enemy Exactly. That’s way too scary...