Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here as well.
Since you’re living together, I think your partner already understands that much. It’s not too serious at all.
> Everyone is looking for a pseudo-romantic relationship and not real love, right?
That’s the general assumption, but I feel the line between pseudo-romance and real love is whether or not there’s an allowance involved.
People who want to keep things pseudo-romantic will insist on giving an allowance no matter what.
If there’s no allowance, then I think the person is either simply a scammer or someone who genuinely wants to enjoy a real relationship.
Considering your current situation, it seems like things are developing into genuine love.
That said, even real relationships can end in a breakup. To avoid that, I think it’s important not to let your guard down and to always maintain that feeling of being in love.
I’m Meg, a female member.
I don’t think you’re being too intense. You’re lucky to have met someone you can love that much.
That said, please let me say this—though I’m sorry if it comes across badly.
I hope you don’t mind me asking, but after being together for so long and even living together, has he never said anything about wanting to get married?
And with feelings that strong, don’t you want to get married yourself?
Even if he’s single, if there’s a significant age gap, that may be what’s holding him back.
Otherwise, I feel like either he sees you as someone convenient, or that may be the issue.
Once you start living together, you gradually find it harder to say the things you really want to say—at least, that’s how it is for me. And once you have children and become a family, your relationship is no longer just about being a man and a woman. You begin to see each other’s true nature.
You may be happy with things as they are now, but can you imagine a future with him? And what kind of future would that be?
Now is your chance to talk openly about whether he’s looking for a genuine romantic relationship.
P.S.
I related to Romane’s story so deeply that I couldn’t read it without crying. I’m sure your feelings for him will last a lifetime, but I sincerely hope you’ll also have another wonderful encounter in the future. m(_ _)m
> Sencho
Thank you for calling me out on behalf of everyone. I can almost hear people saying, “You’re one to talk!” (^_^;)
I wrote that while conveniently ignoring my own situation, so I’m sorry.
But the person I am today is thanks to meeting my husband, and despite everything, I consider myself happy surrounded by our lovely children.
Still, whenever something happens that makes me think, “I don’t want to die like this,” I find myself reconsidering everything that’s happened so far.
We’ve been married for almost 20 years. I don’t regret it, and for now, I have absolutely no intention of getting divorced.
So I always worship my husband’s retreating back, saying, “I’m sorry I’m like this. Please let me be a little selfish.”
…That being said, I privately imagine that disciplinary play suits someone like me—him saying, “You naughty woman! I’m going to punish you with a spanking!” m(_ _)m
I’m Basil, a male member.
If you’re happy, then basically, it’s not my place to interfere.
If I had to say something, though, it depends on how the other person feels about you. If he’s thinking, “I don’t have a serious partner right now, so it’s lucky I can keep things cheap,” then there may be heartbreak down the road.
Looking at it optimistically, the fact that it’s lasted this long could mean something. Still, I think you should be mindful of the risks—for example, by reconsidering whether you joined the club for the money or to have a chance to meet someone.
Personally, I think having something that feels like a real romance with a club woman for a short time could be nice, but I wouldn’t go as far as seriously looking for a relationship here.
I’m BB7, a male member.
How should I know? lol
You can simply ask, “Am I being too much?”
I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
I believe Universe Club is mainly involved only up to the initial setup, and that after that, it’s basically up to the two people involved. So I think we’re free to do as we please.
People often talk about going rates, made-up papa-katsu rules, and men’s etiquette in papa-katsu, even though it’s supposed to be free-form dating. But lately, I’ve started finding all of that incredibly tiresome and, honestly, I’m getting bored with it ^^;
Until now, I’ve followed the going rates and the rules, and in a sense, I’ve conducted myself with pretty good manners by papa-katsu standards. From here on, though, I plan to keep using Universe Club, follow the basic rules and etiquette, and explore different possibilities as long as I’m not causing anyone any trouble...
> Romane-san
Lately, more and more of the girls I’m close with have been getting married, so I can relate to what you’re saying in my own way.
Maybe the kind of old guy I’m aiming to become is actually something like that too, haha.
I’m Seattle, a male member.
I’ve met Romane-san once.
She’s an intelligent, beautiful woman with a perfect figure who seems so flawless and put-together—so it was surprising to learn that she had such a past. I wonder if it’s true that the smarter someone is, the more prone they are to emotional struggles. I’m glad she’s doing well now.
I hope you, too, have a wonderful future ahead of you. That would be something truly special.
EastCustomerLoyaltyGroup
Aizawa from Tokyo here.
Is it really wrong to develop genuine feelings when it started as a free-love relationship? I think what matters is how each of you feels about the other.
There’s even a Kotobuki STYLE campaign, so I say, why not fall seriously in love?! I personally know a few people who have ended up getting married, although they’re rare.
I don’t often hear about the women developing genuine feelings. If anything, I hear more stories about the men falling seriously in love.
Since you’re living together, there must be some possibility. I suppose it’s either:
1. They’ve developed genuine feelings too, or
2. They think, “Lucky me—I can be with them whenever I want, for free.”
But would someone really go as far as living together for the second reason? So please, give it your best shot.
I’m Paper Airplane, a male club member.
No one can ever truly understand relationships between men and women.
Even from a situation or first meeting that seems 100% impossible, people sometimes end up getting married.
> Everyone is looking for a pseudo-romantic relationship, not real love, right?
Even if someone isn’t looking for it at all, they can still fall in love.
If both people feel the same way, their secret becomes something they share, creating a stronger connection and deepening their bond.
That’s exactly what can happen in the club, too.
If we ever got married, I might never tell my friends or children where we met.
P.S. My middle- and high-school-aged children still don’t know where my wife and I met—or even how old she is.
P.P.S. Romane
I’m really happy that someone like you is here.
> We met 28–30 days a month, ate together 25 days a month, and, over the course of a year, spent at least 340 days together. We may have had sex two or three times a week, even if it wasn’t every time.
Reading that made me incredibly happy.
I’m the kind of person who meets one girl as many as 300 times a year for several years if we really click, and whose bond with her continues as a good relationship for the rest of our lives. Reading your words, Romane, made me think of her, and I could feel all those emotions welling up inside me.
It wasn’t just about meeting. We also exchanged hundreds of messages during her breaks and spare moments, sometimes going back and forth several times a day.
I ended up taking on everything—from the stress she felt when she acted in ways that didn’t match her personality or feelings, to her worries about work, family, and everyday life, as well as her anxieties about the present and the future.
It’s rare to become so involved with someone and truly get to know each other like that.
> Decades from now, when the old man passes away, it may be a long time before I even learn about it. As someone who isn’t family, I won’t be able to be the first to mourn his death.
That’s exactly right.
It’s something that crosses my mind all the time.
My long-term girlfriend says she’ll marry me once she gets off the waiting list, but even if my wife were to pass away first, that would be difficult because I have children.
She’s also getting to the age where she may start considering returning to her parents’ home, so it’s time for me to think about what to do from here.
> There was no concept of an allowance. Sometimes we’d go out to the mountains or waterfalls in his beat-up car. When it was time to eat, I’d shout, “Old man, I’m hungry!” and we’d go to some run-down ramen shop. He’d buy me a Ministoップ Halo-Halo.
There’s something nice and natural about everyday meals like that.
With a long-term girlfriend, though, she may eventually say that eating out is a waste of money, and every meal ends up being homemade.
Naturally, as you grow closer, you start eating without worrying about appearances—McDonald’s, ramen, convenience-store food, curry, and so on.
And not just with my long-term girlfriend.
Of the two girls I currently see most often at the club, unlike the other club girls, there seemed to be an immediate mutual understanding between us from the first meeting. We even tend to think similarly when it comes to our wallets, so we mostly eat simple convenience-store food or hamburgers.
It seems we agree on where we want to spend our money. Occasionally, a more indulgent meal would be at a set-meal restaurant.
Once she starts living on her own, homemade meals may become part of the arrangement too.
> In return, I made almost all of her breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and gave her packed lunches.
My long-term girlfriend always cooks for me. When I leave, she gives me drinks and snacks, and even prepares some coins for the parking fee.
Even when I go to her place, we just lie around. We don’t necessarily go anywhere, and I don’t even properly listen to what she has to say. Yet neither of us dislikes it, and I end up staying for a long time.
Reading your words, Romane, made me feel reassured and helped me realize just how comfortable and at ease I feel in that kind of relationship. I’m grateful for that.
P.P.P.S. Mack and Papuwa
Maybe I’m the type who falls into a first-love kind of feeling.
That might be why I’ve gotten married several times.
I may even get butterflies over girls from the club as if they were my first love.
Of course, I’ll keep it under control while maintaining the club relationship.
Mack,
“Overwriting” is a great expression.
I feel like I’m the kind of person who wants to become someone special who can’t be “overwritten.”
I want to have a more special relationship with her than her husband does, so to speak.
That means continuing to share—and protect—secrets of hers that she could never tell her husband, even over the course of her entire life.
In Janome’s column, there was a part about being involved with more than 50 idols and others.
I’m the type who wants one person and a special, deep relationship rather than 50 people.
Rather than focusing on having 50 people, I seek the depth and “quality” of my relationship with one or two people.
Despite how I may appear on the surface, I’m probably actually quite lonely.
P.P.P.P.S. Mack
When I saw the part in Janome’s column about 50 people, I thought, “Ah, that’s so Mack!”
Though, when it comes to Mack, the number was 5,000, so that’s on a completely different scale.
Since we’re different types, what interests us and what satisfies us are different too.
It would be a problem if every man were like me.
That’s why, when he writes about 50 gravure idols, I read it and think that, with 50 people, no matter how deeply he becomes involved with each one, he can probably only know them on a superficial level. But I also think that’s just unavoidable.
On the other hand, if what he learned and the relationships he formed after meeting them 50 or 100 times more often were all the same, that would be far too sad.
I’m looking forward to his next column.
Of course, there’s also a part of me that envies having 50 people!
I got completely carried away with the topic. Sorry. m(__)m
P.S.
I think I could casually tell people where my wife and I met, but since she never mentions it, no one from our friends to our relatives knows.
I thought I’d only be able to keep her age a secret for a few years, but I’ve managed to keep it hidden to this day. So even our children believe that I’m old and have a much younger wife.
It’s strange. I don’t like it, but it’s not necessarily a bad thing either… Is something like that really possible? Do people actually do that? I’m left feeling rather puzzled.
