I’m worried they’ll recognize themselves if they see this, but I’d like to ask for advice.
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I told the person I meet every week, “I like you, ○○,” and they replied, “I won’t get in the way of your ordinary romantic relationships.”
I didn’t say it in a particularly serious or heavy way, but I haven’t received a reply to my messages since that day...
It’s true that I’m attracted to this person.
However, I’m not asking for anything beyond papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)—we’re both single, but I’m not looking for marriage or anything like that...
It’s really painful not hearing from them.
From the perspective of someone involved in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), did I come across as too serious?
I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member.
> I haven’t received a reply to my messages since that day...
Hmm, I know how you feel. I really do.
As everyone else has said, I think it’s best to keep things light. Choose your words carefully and make your move sooner rather than later...
Just once.
If she replies, I feel like things will go back to normal after that.
I think Flag Maker’s advice is the best:
> Don’t say “I like you,” even if you’re trying to get your papa’s attention in the long run. Let it show through your actions alone.
That really is the best approach.
Men can tell, too... (lol)
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I’m BB7, a male member.
Speaking only for myself…
It depends on the person, but if someone told me they liked me, I’d be happy—though if their feelings seemed a little too intense, I might also feel scared.
Whether by message or in person, you could try telling her:
“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable by saying I liked you. I’m not looking for anything beyond papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).”
If she still doesn’t respond, it’s unfortunate, but you should probably let it go.
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I’m Basil, a male member.
Since you were probably seeing each other once a week, I think he started to feel bored and then pulled away when you said something that felt too emotionally heavy.
For now, try to be patient. Reaching out to say you want to see him or explaining what you said will likely backfire. Since you were seeing each other weekly, he must have found you appealing. If you stop contacting him, I think he’ll eventually come looking for you.
When that happens, don’t hold a grudge or demand anything from him. Instead, try to adapt to his needs—for example, be willing to accept whatever he wants and become a convenient woman for him. If you’re okay with being his second or third choice and seeing him about once a month, he’ll feel more at ease. Even if meeting weekly like before isn’t possible, you may still be able to continue the relationship.
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Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here with an answer as well.
I don’t know what your conversations were like before you told him you liked him, so I can’t say whether it came across as too intense.
But he may have thought, “It could be bad if she starts taking this seriously.” The reason he hasn’t replied might be that he felt you both needed a little time to cool off.
If that’s the case, I think the best approach would be to focus on papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
If you want to get back in touch, you could say something like:
“I’m really struggling financially this month. Would you be able to meet me?”
In other words, perhaps you could take the approach of making it clear that you’re looking for an allowance?
Of course, it would be bad if you genuinely only wanted his money. You could say something like:
“I’m devoted to you because of the money, but I do like you as a person—not romantically, but I respect you and feel something close to that.”
What do you think?
As for why you ran short of money, it might be better to say you started something for self-improvement. But lies are quickly discovered, so I think you should actually start working on yourself.
Rather than trying to fall in love with him, think of it as improving yourself so you can win him over. That might help you stay motivated.
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I’m Meg, a female member.
He probably got scared and thought it would be a problem if he became serious about you.
You should tell him once again that when you said you liked him, you meant it within the context of not wanting anything beyond papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
That said,
> “It’s been really painful not hearing from him.”
—that part concerns me. You’re pretty strongly attracted to him… You really like him a lot, don’t you?
If you can hold out a little longer, maybe send him an email clearing up the misunderstanding and wait to see if he replies.
If you do, send only one follow-up email.
I’m sorry to say something so harsh. But if you still don’t hear from him, it’s probably best to let him go. You’re still young, and I’m sure you’ll receive plenty of offers.
I’m a much more emotionally intense woman myself. And besides, I can’t even imagine there being someone else for me…
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I’m Kamihikōki, a male member.
I don’t think the other person is worrying nearly as much as you are about whether or not to see you again.
So I don’t think it’s that big of a problem if you stop worrying about it and simply continue the casual exchanges you normally have.
If you let the gap grow because you’re overthinking things, it’ll only feel heavier and make it harder to send a message.
If you see each other every week, then as long as you can meet again, I think you can just act as though nothing happened and things will go back to normal.
If you keep dwelling on it, you may end up being unable to restore the relationship yourself.
Once things return to normal, I doubt the other person will give it even a second thought.
P.S. With the girl who’s my first choice, I’m careful even about something as small as how I use a heart at the end of a message. The more you like someone, the more important it is to be cautious in a way that shows you understand both the club and the other person.
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
I’m not sure whether this is a serious issue, but I can imagine a few possibilities:
- You simply have different levels of affection for each other.
- He does like you, but is holding himself back and handling things maturely.
There are probably many ways to interpret it, so I imagine the person asking the question is struggling too…
Rather than putting those feelings into words, I think it’s better to hold them in and let them show through your actions. That feeling of “I like you, but I absolutely mustn’t say it” can be part of what makes an adult relationship (intimate) more exciting, don’t you think? Personally, I’d appreciate that kind of approach in many ways.
“I like you, but I’ll never say it out loud.” “Somehow, they already know.” Once you can enjoy that tension despite how difficult it is, I feel like you’ve taken another step toward becoming an adult.
I’m basically kind of mean-spirited, so when someone said something like that to me in the past, I remember getting strangely annoyed. I thought, “I’m paying you an allowance, being pleasant, and making an effort while deliberately keeping my feelings at arm’s length. Meanwhile, you’re getting an allowance, being looked after, and treated kindly—of course you’re happy with that.” lol
Of course, I couldn’t say any of that to her, so I just said, “Thank you.” ^^;
So, in the end, I vote for not saying “I like you” in order to keep your papa’s attention, but letting it show through your actions alone.
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