I’m about to start a promising relationship with a man in his 60s.

I’m Flagmaker, a columnist. There have already been a lot of opinions shared, and looking through them, I’d say it’s about finding the sweet spot between men’s desires and women’s expectations. That’s not easy to figure out ^^; Still, I think it’s safest to assume that women generally expect an allowance, and that this is also what allows men to date with peace of mind. As for what you might call genuine, unconditional love, I feel that’s something you can really only find with a small child or a pet. Kind of sad, isn’t it? lol

I’m Meg, a female member. My male supporter is in his 60s as well, though he works in a different field. He says similar things to me, but first of all, I’m almost certain it’s not about the money. As Romane-san says, acting overly money-focused could end up shattering a man’s idealized image, so I think it’s best to be careful. Romane-san, Those are truly the words of a veteran papa-katsu woman! The healing men want to provide The comfort women are looking for No matter how far you go, it’s still one-sided (^_^;)

This is Joe, the column writer. First of all, I’m glad you’ve found a good man. I think you should simply continue seeing him without overthinking things. That said, there are a few things you should know. As Mac said, when someone says he “worked his entire career at a major corporation,” us older guys can only read that as meaning “his income has dropped significantly.” What’s more, you mention that he’s “still active,” but speaking for myself, Joe, I wouldn’t call that active employment. To avoid any misunderstanding, I’m not trying to make fun of him—I’m only estimating his financial situation. So even if “being spoiled” means asking for money, I’d appreciate it if you could do so with at least a little restraint, haha. I’m asking this on behalf of that lovely, perhaps slightly elderly gentleman. P.S. There’s also the concept of disposable income, and the above may not apply if he has personal assets. Generally speaking, salaried workers earning over 20 million yen a year are considered high earners, but their disposable income is surprisingly limited. My best friend earns nearly 25 million yen a year, but he has a home loan, and his two children are studying medicine and pharmacy, so he’s really struggling.

I’m Paper Airplane, a male member. Taken literally, it means: “I’ll make all your wishes come true.” If he’s in his 60s, he probably knows his own preferences and what kind of chemistry works for him, so there’s a good chance this could develop into a long-term relationship. To make that happen, you should find a way to ease your worries and interact with him in a way that lets you lean on him a little. Since he’s older, I imagine he has a fairly broad tolerance range, so why not ask him openly, in your own style, about the best way to ask things and how you should interact with him? He’ll probably adapt to you and try to understand you. As you both get used to each other, he may start asking questions in a way that naturally establishes a pattern, and you’ll also be able to ask him things. I think communication will gradually become much more relaxed and straightforward. What concerns me, though, is how freely that man can spend money. I’m practically self-employed, so at home I’m called things like “a freeloader,” “broke,” “get a job,” “we have no money,” and “give me money,” which lets me come across as poor. (It’s important to play that role convincingly so no one gets suspicious, perhaps?) If he works for a major company, people probably won’t see him as poor, and everything may be more transparent, so even if he can afford it, he may need to keep things within an amount that won’t raise suspicions. P.S. Date◎Yume, Once you’re past 50, your life really does start changing, as you begin thinking, “I should use things up while I still can, in case something happens.” You gradually become more and more relaxed about everything… If you’re in your 60s, you probably feel even more strongly that you should loosen up and use up at least some of your money, time, vitality, and energy while you still can. P.P.S. The key is not to ask too directly, but to keep asking lots of questions in a somewhat vague way. Ask about anything that catches your attention. Then, I think the other person will guide the conversation and help you draw out enough to understand what the man really wants to ask. Unless you’re making unreasonable demands, it seems like he’ll make almost any wish come true. P.P.P.S. Romane, That’s exactly right: what men want is often the complete opposite of what women want. The fact that clubs—and allowances—exist is a perfect example of that. And ouch… you’ve hit the nail on the head about exactly what’s been weighing on my mind… P.P.P.P.S. Papua, A beautiful woman who joined a club and became extremely popular said exactly that: “It’s a job, so stop getting carried away. When you consider the time involved, it’s not even that worthwhile…” When men think about all the things they want, they have to do the exact opposite! P.P.P.P.P.S. Romane, > If it developed from an ordinary meeting, then I could accept it. > But for women who gathered at a club like this on the premise of exchanging money, relying on emotions or ideals is utterly nonsensical here. I think that’s exactly right. Those women who have been with their partners for many years originally met them naturally, fell in love, and eventually got married or engaged, so the relationships have continued along that path. That said, when a relationship lasts for decades without the woman becoming his wife, the man’s love naturally evolves into money—an allowance. At a club, that amount becomes several times larger. That’s only natural, because it isn’t romance. A relationship that cannot even begin without an allowance and one that originally began as love may eventually express affection through money in the same way, but their starting points and underlying premises are completely different. If you understand that distinction, there’s nothing more comfortable or appreciated than a club. It’s incredibly convenient. Once both men and women understand the system, it creates a surprisingly good balance. How much do the women keep the men happy simply because they receive an allowance? Even in this Q&A forum, Romane’s comments are always gently phrased, wrapped in euphemisms, and deliberately restrained. What kind people they are. I think that’s possible precisely because the club system, with allowances as its foundation, works so well—and because everyone feels grateful for what the others provide.

I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member. I’m in my 60s too, and once you’re past 60, you realize that anything could happen tomorrow. That naturally makes you want to treat women well. A few of my classmates have already passed away, too... If you’ve completed your career, I think dating can be enjoyable as long as you don’t make unreasonable financial demands. As Mac-san said, I really do think it’s a general rule that the less confident someone is about their finances, the more likely they are to whisper sweet words to make up for it. In my case, perhaps it’s because I’m confident about my finances—but I’m very generous with the women I date, both with my wallet and my trousers. They’re very loose! (笑) So, which type is your partner? Sounds exciting! (笑) P.S. What does “healing” mean? > I wonder how many women would actually feel happy and say, “I’m so glad♡ I’m so happy♡” after a complete stranger, a man one or two decades older, tells them, “In return for your unconditional love, I’ll heal your heart and body! I’m not especially confident about the allowance, but my feelings for you are genuine!” > For women who have gathered at a place like this on the understanding that money will change hands, I sometimes wonder whether emotional and spiritual arguments are completely nonsensical here. When it comes to feeling unconditional love from a complete stranger, it’s impossible to separate the issue from money. As Romane-san says, I don’t think most people could accept that from a complete stranger. Even in ordinary society, where people aren’t strangers, we express joy and sorrow through money on occasions such as celebrations and condolences. (笑) That said, I don’t think money is the only way to offer healing. I’m neither a doctor nor a theologian or religious professional, but I believe “healing” means physically and mentally easing someone’s pain. So, if you can free someone suffering from their pain, I think they can genuinely feel healed. The fact that freedom from suffering is not purely financial, but largely psychological, was demonstrated by Luther’s Reformation as well, I believe. In more everyday terms, even a complete stranger might be able to provide a healing effect through advice, counseling, or relaxation treatments. Taking an extreme example, if a club member skilled in advice, counseling, or relaxation treatments could ease someone’s suffering, then I don’t think money would necessarily have to change hands. (笑)

Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here. I’m not quite sure what you mean by, “A good relationship is about to begin.” Do you mean that you had dinner and parted ways at the first meeting (←is that where things stand now?), then plan to become intimate the next time you meet and continue seeing each other long-term after that? Since you haven’t settled on a specific allowance yet, if you haven’t entered into an adult relationship (intimate) yet, I feel it may be a little too early to celebrate. > “You can rely on me as much as you like.” > “I like women who rely on me.” I think he means this in every sense, but if you try to rely on him financially, he may start thinking, “She’s only interested in money—I don’t like that.” I think many men are more inclined to want to help a woman who remains humble and tries to handle things herself, even when she’s struggling. So I feel it’s important to tell him openly when you’re having a hard time, while still maintaining the attitude that you’ll do your best to deal with it yourself. In that sense, sharing what you’re struggling with may itself be a way of relying on him.