I’ve been registered for a month and have met four men, but every one of them took me to a hotel without discussing an allowance (I’m a Type C). Does that mean I’m supposed to bring up the subject of money myself during dinner? It’s the most important part, but I find it really difficult to bring up.

Column writer Joe humbly offers his answer. First, I should mention that this response is written with the stern gaze of “Kaoru Yumi of Universe Club”—that is, Princess Omegu—in mind. Questioner, the first thing I’d like to ask is: Why do the men you’ve met try to go to a hotel without discussing the allowance first? Do you know? Dating clubs are highly individual, so my answer isn’t the final word. But, in deference to Princess Omegu—well, not Kaoru Yumi—let me reveal the secret. You seem to assume that “The men don’t want to talk about money because they’re looking for a simulated romance, right?” Wrong. If I heard that answer over drinks at a Shinbashi izakaya, even Joe would be ready to give you a proper scolding on the spot, despite Princess Omegu’s—well, not sperm, but—stopping him. Why don’t men bring up the allowance? Because they want to get away with spending as little as possible. They’re thinking, “I want to keep it under ¥50,000, but if she says ¥100,000, the hotel I booked—using Rakuten Points, no less—will have been a waste.” In other words, you want to receive as much allowance as possible, while the man wants to spend as little as possible. That’s precisely why neither of you brings up the negotiation. If two people with those opposing expectations go to a hotel without discussing the terms, the result will usually be nothing but tragedy. The difference in feelings is even greater than the difference in the amount of money, and you need to understand that. Personally, I believe it’s gentlemanly for the man to raise the subject first. But when there’s no negotiation, taking a firm stance is also part of a lady’s refinement—and a chance for her to show her skill at bringing out the gentleman in him. I hope your future arrangements go well.

Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here as well. > **Question 1: How do you bring up the subject?** All the women are struggling with this. Ideally, the man should be the one to bring it up, but many men don’t. Sometimes, after the date, women contact the club saying things like, “I looked inside the envelope and there was only ¥〇〇, so could you do something about it?” (There are also staff members who tend to side with the men, so you need to be careful when bringing it up ＞＜) Men often assume that a woman’s silence means she agrees. I feel that many women who can’t bring it up themselves are simply putting up with it. As for when to say it, it seems best to bring it up when you realize you’re probably heading to a hotel. If you find it too difficult to say outside, then unfortunately, I think it’s best to ask immediately after entering the hotel. If the allowance offered isn’t what you were hoping for, you could say something like: “I was hoping for around ¥〇〇. Would that be difficult?” If he says that isn’t possible, you can say something like, “You seem like a wonderful person, but I’m sorry—I can’t go through with it today,” and leave. If your expectations don’t match, there’s no need to force yourself. What matters is whether you’re personally comfortable with the arrangement. Your expectations may change depending on the person, and that’s perfectly fine too. > **Question 2: How should I negotiate the amount—or turn someone down?** If you’re already considering declining, when the subject of meeting again comes up, you could send something like: “I’m sorry. I agreed to your preferred allowance for our first meeting, but actually, I was hoping for ¥〇〇. I’m really sorry to ask this, but would you still be willing to meet under these terms? I’d be happy if we could.” I think that would be a good way to approach it. At this point, it’s important to make it clear that the nature of the relationship isn’t the issue. If you start writing about the specifics, it may make him lose interest. And even if he says it’s not possible, if you were already planning to decline, it doesn’t seem like you have much to lose. P.S. “They said 3 was less than what you could get on an app, but after encountering 2 on an app myself, it felt like my intestines were being ripped out!” Awwww, I’m sorry ＞＜ There was also a woman who was advertising herself at 0.9. I never met her, so I have no idea what happened afterward, but it really is quite a remarkable world.

I’m Meg, a female member. Four offers in just one month—how wonderful! You must be absolutely adorable, questioner~ (*^^*) That said, you really do give off strong “I don’t want to ruin the mood” vibes. (I’m sure Big Brother Joe would scold me for saying that… Ah, that’s an inside thing.) This is also about protecting yourself, so if you don’t want to get caught up with some weird old guy, make sure you talk things through properly. As for the timing and how to do that, please refer to the answers from the male respondents. > What’s the point of enduring the pain just to receive a small allowance (sorry!)? Exactly! If you’re in serious financial trouble, then there is a point. But wouldn’t you rather meet a gentleman who treats you with more respect? Wouldn’t it be happier to spend mutually fulfilling and satisfying time together without having to endure anything? You have the freedom to choose. Be clear about how you feel, and tell him with confidence. P.S. Joe Kaoru Yumi—the woman famous for those bathing scenes on *Mito Komon*! How nostalgic… My grandmother watched it every day~ And to have such an amazing body just shy of 70! Absolutely incredible (*＞∇＜)ﾉ I’m nothing more than a flat-chested housewife, but I feel she’s someone I should aspire to be like for the rest of my life (*^^*) …When I repost, maybe I should wear a cheongsam to compete? (Hehe~)

I’m Flag Maker, a columnist. Since this is a dating club, it’s only natural to confirm the allowance amount in advance. Even on apps, I’m sure people discuss the amount before meeting. As Mac said, that’s how you should handle it. It may take some courage at first, but don’t think of it as “being brave”—think of it as simply the normal thing to do, and give it a try. (^ ^)

I’m date◎yume, a male member. > How do you bring it up? [Question 1] When meeting for the first time, it’s difficult for both men and women to bring up that kind of topic. However, once the meal is coming to an end and you start talking about what to do next, if the subject of an allowance hasn’t come up, I think that’s the right time to bring it up. If it’s difficult to talk about it with people around, I think the time before getting into the taxi is a good opportunity. You’re meeting for the first time and don’t know much about the other person yet—but perhaps that’s precisely why it’s easier to say. > And honestly, the amount doesn’t seem worth the level of eccentricity involved! How can I negotiate the amount—or turn it down—without being rude? [Question 2] This is a difficult one. I think it ultimately comes down to the maximum amount a man is willing to pay and the minimum amount a woman is willing to accept. If the offer seems rather low, you could negotiate playfully by saying things like, “Could you possibly make it a little more?” or “Just a bit more…” I think many men would respond, “Sure!” If they refuse, you can simply say, “I’m sorry!” Personally, I wouldn’t recommend being too assertive. It may work in the moment, but it probably won’t lead to anything ongoing. If you’re only looking for a one-time arrangement, then by all means. With an ongoing arrangement, you may continue receiving support even without new offers. But if you’re aiming for one-off meetings, once the offers stop, that’s the end of it. If you believe you’ll continue receiving offers in the future, there’s no need to be timid.

I’m Paper Airplane, a male member. The first month is when everything feels confusing and new—you’re still getting used to it all. There are plenty of fresh and exciting moments, but it’s also a difficult time because bringing up the allowance can feel awkward, and it’s hard to be matter-of-fact about it. Even for men, discussing the allowance can be difficult until they get used to it. During my first month, all I could do was ask what they were hoping for. If the woman has to bring it up herself, the hurdle is even higher. Ideally, I hope she meets someone wonderful who offers a satisfying allowance without her having to ask. Not one woman has ever asked me about it first. Since it’s difficult for me to bring up as well, if a woman asked me about something I found hard to mention myself, I’d honestly be stunned. As the term “make-believe romance” suggests, men are foolish dreamers, so asking about money might make a bad impression. Still, for the relationship to continue, being satisfied with the allowance is the bare minimum. So draw on your past experience and have the courage to ask. In many cases, plenty of men will offer a satisfying allowance without being asked. The fact that all four of them were stingy and didn’t inspire trust even before going to the hotel probably says a lot. Likewise, if a man doesn’t seem generous or doesn’t ask what you’re hoping for, it’s better to ask first. After dinner, once you’re outside and you’ve agreed to go to the hotel, if he still hasn’t brought it up, ask while you’re walking to the taxi, or during the drive if you’re going by car: “Sorry, may I ask how much allowance you would be able to give me?” If the amount is low, it may be best to tell him your desired amount and decline if he can’t meet it. Before entering the hotel, it should still be relatively easy to say no. The man may also be willing to reconsider the amount. If the allowance was low from the very first meeting, it likely means either that his standard allowance is low or that he wasn’t particularly interested in you. Either way, the chances of things continuing successfully are considerably lower. To turn him down, you can simply leave his LINE messages unread. He’ll probably give up naturally.