My boyfriend has completely lost interest in me.

I’m a male member, BB7. Everyone has their own sense of what’s normal or inappropriate, as well as areas they don’t want touched or that shouldn’t be brought up, so it’s hard to say what is universally right or wrong. It seems you happened to touch on a part of his past that he didn’t want to discuss. But since you were seeing each other without an allowance, if you think of it as a normal romantic relationship: ① “I didn’t think much of it, but is searching for a man online really that creepy?” → If it were just a club arrangement, perhaps. But if he’s someone you’re considering marrying, I don’t think it’s a problem. ② “Now that things have come to this, is breaking up our only option? Is there nothing I can say that will make him understand?” → He may calm down a little, and things could still change in various ways. ① “Searching for someone’s name online is creepy and completely unacceptable.” ② “If you had found it yesterday, that would be one thing, but bringing up an article you found a year ago is frightening because I don’t understand your intentions. You’ve had plenty of chances to mention it before—why did you keep quiet? Did you keep it bottled up for an entire year? Even though you knew it was something you shouldn’t bring up because I hadn’t told you about it, did you deliberately come to me about it?” ↓ Personally, I do feel that he gives off slightly dangerous vibes, mentally speaking...

I’m Seattle, a male member. A man who gets angry over something like that does seem likely to become abusive. If it had been my ex-wife, she would’ve snapped back, “Don’t get angry over something so trivial!” and somehow I would’ve ended up being the one getting scolded. There may be other reasons your relationship is deteriorating as well. Keep the abusive boyfriend as a backup, and continue looking for someone to marry.

I’m Date◎Yume, a male member. First: ① Is it really that creepy for a man to search for someone online? There’s nothing unusual about it at all, so you don’t need to worry. Looking up someone on Twitter or Instagram is perfectly fine too. Since you have feelings for him, it’s only natural that you’d be curious. Normally, in a relationship, people talk about things like that with each other—especially things they may not want others to know but would want their partner to be aware of. Perhaps this man felt he couldn’t talk about it. That said, I’m concerned that his attitude suddenly changed after hearing about it. If he didn’t respond calmly by saying something like, “I’m truly sorry, so could you please leave me alone for a while?” then there may be more to it. He may also be the type to fly into a rage, and that possibility seems fairly high going forward. ② Now that things have turned out this way, is breaking up the only option? Is there nothing I can say that would make him understand? Why not wait and see how things develop for a while? Now that some unpleasant truths have come to light for both of you, this may be a good opportunity to reassess your relationship. What are his strengths? What do you like about him? Is there anything else? Is he the type to fly into a rage? Even if he is, can you continue dating him? You should compare and consider these points, then decide whether you can continue the relationship. If you do, it may also be worth thinking about how the relationship should work going forward.

Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here as well. > ① I didn’t think much of it myself, but is searching for someone online really considered that creepy from a man’s perspective? > By the way, I didn’t look into his Twitter or Instagram. I think searching someone online is perfectly normal these days. Besides, if you were seriously considering marriage, it feels like, “Why is this even an issue now?” If he was thinking about marriage too, I think this is something he could have told you about first. Before getting married, some people even hire private investigators to look into their prospective partner. That may be outdated nowadays, but it shows that this kind of thing has existed as part of the culture. With that in mind, if he’s so upset about you searching for him, perhaps he never intended to marry you at all. Maybe he simply wanted to keep you in the position of someone he could see without having to give you an allowance. For that matter, is he really single? I feel like that question naturally comes up as well. > ② Now that things have turned out this way, is breaking up our only option? Is there nothing I can say that will make him understand? If you avoid bringing up the subject, I feel like things might return to normal after a while. It’s not really a matter of whether he understands—instead, he’s angry right now, so nothing you say is likely to get through to him. He’ll probably calm down after some time. If, at that point, you don’t bring up the subject at all and act as though nothing happened, you may be able to continue seeing each other. That said, I don’t know whether that would really be the best thing. If anything, I think it might be better to take this opportunity to end things. Even so, I understand that it’s difficult to change your feelings immediately. So I think you should register with Universe again and try going on dates with other men as well. By dating different men, you may gradually begin to see what you really want to do. Seeing several men at the same time can also help you gain perspective. If, after all that, you still feel that your current partner is the best for you, you can always go back to him.

I’m Saito, a column writer♪ Unfortunately, I agree with Flag Maker and Paper Airplane. I find it hard to believe that the man sees things the same way you do. First of all, he doesn’t seem to understand that being searched online is only natural. Perhaps it shouldn’t be directly compared to male workplace bullying, but I would say he lacks imagination. The subordinate who was subjected to workplace bullying may have ended up in the worst possible situation, don’t you think? If he can’t honestly say, “It’s something I can’t put into words, but it serves as a lesson to me,” then even if you marry him, nothing but trouble lies ahead. Regardless of whether they’re men or women, I think anyone in a position of responsibility has made plenty of mistakes. Sometimes you don’t just make mistakes—you get caught up in them, too. I’ve made my way forward while stepping over the corpses of my employees. (There used to be a commercial asking, “Can businessmen keep fighting 24 hours a day?”) These days, “common sense” can change in a very short time. I believe we can keep moving things in a better direction through those changes, the energy of younger employees, and modern judgment precisely because of the mistakes made in the past. I don’t know what you should say to him, but perhaps all he can do is grow enough for the sake of that former subordinate as well. It’s not that he’s been rejected. His instinct for self-preservation kicked in. Try to take it in a positive way.

I’m Flag Maker, a column writer. Couples who are seriously considering marriage usually talk openly about their private lives, so from that man’s perspective, you’re probably not his “girlfriend” at all—you’re just a friend with benefits. I think the fact that he deceived you is serious, so if you really press him and get him worked up, more details will probably come to light. Do you know where he lives? Are you sure he’s actually single? It might also be effective to do some discreet investigating, like taking a quick look at his driver’s license. Men like that should get a taste of how frightening women can be. As it happens, my next column is about just that, lol.

I’m Meg, a female member. You must really love him. I can truly feel how painful this is for you. When you say he’s lost patience with you, does that mean he hasn’t actually told you he wants to break up? If so, it’s probably best to give him some space for now. The waiting may feel unbearably long, but you both need some time to cool off. Even if you don’t say anything, he’ll find his own answer. And this may also be a good opportunity for you to look back on everything up to now. I’m rooting for you (*^^*) P.S. Oh, and if he tends to fly off the handle, married life could be really difficult—especially when it comes to raising children... Also, I read the male respondents’ answers with due respect, knowing they come from people who’ve experienced both the bitter and sweet sides of life.

I’m a male member who goes by Paper Airplane. If she didn’t just search your name but also read your articles, then things will likely unfold the way the man said. For now, it’s best to take a step back and end things temporarily. Nothing you say will make her understand; it will only cause things to blow up further. Just accept that she’s lost interest in you. If the arguments continue, the door will close completely. Quietly hold on to your feelings for her—and leave only the afterglow of those feelings behind. From a woman’s perspective, a breakup may feel like the end, but when the man is the one who ends things, the chances of getting back together are much higher than when the woman initiates the breakup. I’ve been divorced several times myself. When my wife was the one who asked to separate, we never contacted or saw each other again. On the other hand, when I was the one who ended things—whether through divorce or calling off an engagement—we eventually got back in touch after some time, and the relationship continued in some form. The fact that you searched for her is something I would find very unpleasant as well. If she also read your articles, it’s even more understandable that she’d feel scared—especially since it would have been better to bring it up casually right away, but that didn’t happen. Right now, talking things through would be like mixing oil and water, and would only add fuel to the fire. If you quietly end things without arguing, there may still be a chance that she’ll come back after some time has passed.