I’d been seeing this man for over a year, and one day, after about a year, the amount for “dinner only” suddenly went from 10,000 to 5,000 yen. When I got home, I found that amount in the envelope, but I felt bad about coming across as too money-minded, so I kept quiet. Then, even though my allowance had been 40,000 yen, he suddenly put only 30,000 yen in the envelope. Since the amounts for dinner and the allowance both felt somehow off, I messaged him on LINE: “I’m sorry—I was busy the other day and may have made things hectic when I was leaving. The amount in the envelope seems a little short; did you happen to forget to put it all in? Whenever is fine!” Later, he told me he was disappointed and felt lonely, and that he could feel his feelings cooling off all at once. In the end, I did receive the missing amount, but I still wonder whether I handled it appropriately. I thought it was pretty harsh to change things so suddenly without discussing the allowance first. What do you all think?

I’m BB7, a male member. The man may have assumed on his own that since you were both enjoying yourselves, a lower allowance would be fine, and reduced it. I think you made the right choice by clearly telling him how you felt. His excitement may have cooled a little, but that can’t be helped. Maybe he felt sad that it all came down to money. But that’s how it works—it’s a relationship based on an allowance. I’d tell that man to keep it transactional.

Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here. > I thought it was awful that he suddenly reduced it without even discussing the allowance with me first. I agree with you. He should have talked it over with you properly. Reducing it without warning was rather underhanded. > I did receive the missing amount in the end, but I still wonder whether I handled the situation correctly. I don’t think it was the best response. However, any other approach would essentially require being prepared to end the relationship. In other words, you could have declined his invitations afterward, repeatedly saying you were busy. Then, if he had asked, “Was it because the allowance was too low? Maybe I forgot to put the full amount in,” you could have agreed to meet him again. That might have been a better way to handle it. Of course, there was also a possibility that the relationship would have ended anyway. Alternatively, if he was someone you still wanted to continue seeing even with the reduced amount, you could have said nothing and continued the relationship as it was. I can’t say for sure which response would have been best. But since you’ve already said what you said, there’s no point dwelling on it now. It may be better not to think about it too much. Since he reduced the amount without discussing it with you at all, I think it would be reasonable to consider ending things as well.

I’m Hikōki, a male member. It’s probably fine for both of you if the relationship ends there. The fact that he didn’t explain himself suggests he was already tired of things and wouldn’t have minded ending it. And if you asked that question, you must have been prepared to accept it even if he cut things off. By saying what you both really felt, you may either strengthen the relationship and continue, or move on to the next chapter. Either way, I think you’ve taken a step forward. In the first place, if things were a 1 and a 4 from the start, it was probably a halfhearted relationship where the man’s interest and the woman’s satisfaction were both fairly low. When a man is highly invested, that tends to lead to greater satisfaction for the woman—and eventually to her feeling so happy that she says, “You don’t have to give me an allowance.” But I doubt anyone rated a 1 and a 4 would suddenly transform into that kind of relationship.

I’m Flag Maker, a column writer. That man probably thought, “She likes me, so even if I lower her allowance, she’ll still want to meet me normally. It’ll be fine.” But that’s not how things work in reality, lol. If he got carried away on his own and then came back down to earth, he’s simply back where he started. I’m sure it was a good learning experience for him. If anything, you did the right thing.